My only interest is to nourish your mind, body and soul with my pristine and perfect taste.
I'd like to meet:
I would love to meet Fiji, Aquafina, Dasani, and Arrowhead. Crystal Geyser on the other hand..... well, lets just say that we no longer speak to each other. And it's funny because Crystal and I go way back. In fact we were even considered to be best friends at one point in time. Yet as people began to discover my pure and flawless taste, my career blossomed, and there was just no way that a generic water bottle like Crystal could compete with me. While I was being sipped by the rich and the famous, Crystal found herself being pulled off of the shelves and being replaced by a much more respected and sophisticated water bottle. ME. She stopped talking to me, which was fine because I was so busy with photo shoots, press conferences, and celebrity endorsements. I do feel bad that I never really had the chance to apologize for my success. Therfore I'll be the better bottle and apologize to Crystal right here and now. "Crystal, I'm sorry that I'm such a success. I can't help it that my water flows through a flawless natural filteration system high in the pristine French Alps thus giving me a purely perfect taste. Just like you can't help your failing career. And I know that you probablly never want to speak to me again, but just hear me when I say this....
In the end, I will always win."
-Evian
Movies:
My all time favorite movie would definitley have to be Water World. Did you know that over 900 billion gallons of me was imported just to film the underwater sequences? According to an inside source, Costner tried swimming in Crystal Geyser, yet kept complaining of its apalling after taste. That's when they brought me in, and apparently Costner was suprisingly satisfied with my unbelievably flawless flavor. My stunning performance in that film landed me a nomination for Best Supporting Actor at the Oscars. Didn't know I was a movie star did you?My instant success landed me several other roles including
the iceberg in Titanic, the river in River Wild, the rain in Rainman, and the ocean in Open Water.
Television:
My favorite television show is definitley Dawson's Creek. Did you know they imported over 370 million gallons of me just to fill that creek bed?
Heroes:
I don't see why I should look up to anyone, but I guess if I had to admire someone, I would have to admire FIJI only for the bottle. I guess I should also respect the other water bottles who truly strive to be like me. Aquafina and Dasani.... keep on trying. Crystal Geyser.... Don't waste your time.
