Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead) profile picture

Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead)

A Depressed Hippy/ Upbeat Goth

About Me

Into THE doors?!:

I am ISFJ. Words I live by are "What the undeveloped man seeks is outside himself. What the advanced man seeks is inside himself."

On the subject of me: I am "so goth, I'm Ryan." I exist in a meandering existence where I strangely feel like I'm getting younger as I get older.

I live in Colorado Springs, headquarters for such lovely organizations as the USAF, NORAD, Focus on the Family, and anything else that if I knew I would likely be dead. But that's probably true of anyplace.

I hope to pursue the making of film, novels, art, and music. It's a long shot I'll succeed in any one field so I figured I'd shotgun my efforts and use success in one as a vehicle for others.

I play guitar. I play by ear. Playing by ear is hard. I don't know many songs.

I try to read the many books I pile around myself. There's so many shelves and boxes of them it's frightening. I picked them for good reasons, though some might just end up as coffee table books.

If you examine the list on the left side of the page you'll notice I listen or have liked a ridiculous amount of music. Likely I don't remember what many of those bands play and I like more now too. Fuck adding more right now, whew...

I write some things. For the most part I don't use the time honored technique of letting the characters in my stories interact and direct the stories, I build up the world like a god, know all that was is, and shall be and then attempt to find all the little chicken scratch napkins and notebooks and try to make sense of it all. I suspect if there were a sentient loving god, it's also likely disorganized and all knowing in a similar fashion. I also suspect people who are able to make whole new people up in their minds and let them live out little lives with other made up people may be insane but have found a "safe" way to channel it...to the rest of the populace. Anyone who's read Heinlein's later works will agree.

I like to make pictures on my compy. Often complex and fiery colored, but I'm also trying minimalist portraits in cool colors.
I am not an Emo. I don't like Emo music. Not to say I don't like emotional music, but I'd prefer to listen to a song written by a heroine addict like Joplin, or Staley. However the Emo girls out there are damn cute.

I don't believe in an entity called god. But I do believe that potentially we as a species may be a godlike force in the universe.

I was born in Boulder like I said. I was born on a couch in my parents then home, on Folsom street. At 4:20pm. My dad is a deadhead. No, I don't smoke pot.

Drop me a line, give me an address, maybe I'll be right outside you window, whether you see me or not.


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My Interests

"Swinging the dead"
philosophy, music, eschatonism, film, comparative anthropology, botany, biology, art, photoshop, guitar, video, photography, sexuality, archetypes, fear psychology, quantum physics, evolutionary biology, psychedelics, day dreaming,

I'd like to meet:

People who are funny, people who can chill, people who are smart, people who wonder about things greater than themselves. Probably not Religious zealots unless you're funny and can live with the fact I am a godless liberal bastard who enjoys satanic rock and slaughtering innocent denizens of the video game worlds. AND I'd like to keep it that way.
I'd also like to meet people interested in art and music. Maybe model for me, or show me strange things. I'm still unfamiliar with a lot in this strange city I dwell in. Extroverts would probably help too, since I tend to be pretty quiet at first...till later...

Music:

I think this grand list in no particular order would define this pretty well, but a lot of you probably wouldn't know most of these bands. Hell even I've forgotten who a lot of them are. So:
I like Rock classic, hard, punk, space, acid, hippie, pagan, post-punk/goth, surf, prog, or whatever. I don't listen to the radio so chances are if I've even heard of some band you heard there I wouldn't know them.
I like metal, mostly of the older varieties like Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, or Metallica, or Atomic Rooster, Or Mercyful Fate, or Motorhead. The newer stuff I like is more like Dimmu Borgir, or Arch Enemy. So I suppose best defined as thrash, black, classic, whatever the hell Arch Enemy and Apocalyptica are.
Jazz: Dunno a lot about it, I like what I've heard by Mango Fandjango, The Esbjorn Svensson Trio, Henry Mancini, Miles Davis, and the Mahavishnu Orchestra.
I like Classical. I like Michael Kamen, Edward Grieg, Bedrich Smetana, Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, Wagner, Bela Bartok, Dimmu Borgir (Fuck off, the do instrumentals.) Just whatever strikes my fancy. Don't expect me to name pieces.
Goth: I like Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Black Tape for a Blue Girl, Type O Negative, Sisters of Mercy, The Mission, Peter Murphy, Fields of Nephilim, 45. Grave, Inkubus Sukkubus, Alien Sex Fiend, Gene Loves Jezebel, just whatever's groovy. I also Like Nine Inch Nails, The Church, and Dead Can Dance, though really not gothic.Favorite Albums:
Facelift, Sap, Jar of Flies - Alice In Chains
In the Court of the Crimson King - King Crimson
Murder Ballads - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds
Heavenly Bodies - Jean Loves Jezebel
Floodland, First and Last and Always - Sisters of Mercy
Master of Puppets - Metallica
Pronounced, Street Survivors - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine
The Doors, Strange Days, Waiting for the Sun, Soft Parade, Morrison Hotel, L.A. Woman - The Doors
Space Ritual - Hawkwind
Ace of Spades, 1916, Snake Bite Love, Hammered - Motorhead
The Scream - Siouxsie and the Banshees
The Serpent's Egg - Dead can Dance
Imaginos - Blue Oyster Cult
Time - Mercyful Fate
Bright Channel - Bright Channel
The Fury of Our Maker's Hand - DevilDriver
Puritanical Misanthropic Euphoria - Dimmu Borgir
Wytches - Inkubus Sukkubus
Prelude - Obsidian Rose
Muse Sick N'Hour Mess Age - Public Enemy
Once, Century Child - Nightwish
Broken, The Fragile, The Downward Spiral, Pretty Little Hate Machine - Nine Inch Nails
Holy Wood: In the Shadow of the Valley of Death - Marilyn Manson
Ten - Pearl Jam
Dummy - Portishead
Damnation - Opeth
God's Own Medicine - The Mission (UK)
Darkest Days - Stabbing Westward
Starfish - The Church
The Dresden Dolls - The Dresden Dolls
World Coming Down - Type O Negative
Paranoid - Black Sabbath
Masterfile - Icehouse
The Best of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers
Face the Music - Electric Light Orchestra
Gran Turismo - The Cardigans
The Sound of White Noise - Anthrax
Dark Side of the Moon, The Wall, A Momentary Lapse of Reason, The Division Bell - Pink Floyd

Anthrax, Apocalyptica, Icehouse, Michael Kamen, Yoko Kanno, King Diamond, Jane's Addiction, Atomic Rooster, Janis Joplin, King Crimson, John Lennon, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Marilyn Manson, Yngwie Malmsteen, Megadeth, Metallica, The Mission UK, Mission, Mercyful Fate, Paul McCartney, Peter Murphy, Motorhead, Mephisto Waltz, Morrissey, Pearl Jam, Nine Inch Nails, Pink Floyd, Public Enemy, Rage Against The Machine, The Beatles, Joe Satriani, Sex Gang Children, The Sex Pistols, Skinny Puppy, The Smiths, The Stray Cats, Switchblade Symphony, Thin Lizzy, Tool, Testamant, Steve Vai, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Black Sabbath, Voivod, The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black, ZZ Top, Blue Oyster Cult, Jack Off Jill, Rammstein, In Flames, Xero, Nightwish, Raphsody, Lars Fredriksen & The Bastards, The Cruxshadows, Cradle of Filth, Jerry Cantrell, Opeth, Hammerfal, Buckethead, Lacuna Coil, Sex Gang, A Perfect Circle, Audioslave, 3 Doors Down, Angel Dust, Seven Witches, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, The Jimi Hendrix Experience, The Faint, Mastadon, Damageplan, Probot, The Dresden Dolls, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Dick Dale, Alice in Chains, Alien Sex Fiend, Miles Davis, Dead Can Dance, Dream Disciples, Vince DiCola, Electric Hellfire Club, Robert Fripp, Green Day, Dragon Force, Nina Hagen, Helloween, Hawkwind, Heart, Hamlet, John Lee Hooker, Lightnin' Hopkins, Hole, Billy Idol, Husker Du, Ice-T, Iced Earth, Skip James, Incubus, Blind Lemon Jefferson, Joan Jett, Judas Priest, The Jazz Butcher Conspiracy, Joy Division, Iron Maiden, Jag Panzer, Journey, Iron Butterfly, B.B. King, Jesus & and Mary Chain, KMFDM, Killing Joke, L7, The Kinks, Leather Strip, The Legendary Pink Dots, Led Zeppelin, Love Spirals Downwards, Machine Head, Love & Rockets, Lords of Acid, Joan Baez, David Matthews Band, John Cougar Mellencamp, The MC5, Ministry, 45 Grave, Alannah Myles, Mother Love Bone, The Moody Blues, No Doubt, New Order, Gary Numan, New Model Army, Charlie Parker, Kittie, Pantera, Paradise Lost, Ozzy Osbourne, The Pixies, Primal Scream, Primus, The Alan Parsons Project, Portishead, Queen, Rancid, Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, The Ramones, The Prodigy, The Plasmatics, Powerman 5000, R.E.M., The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Bauhaus, Placebo, The Police, Radiohead, Rainbow, Henry Rollins, Pop Will Eat Itself, The Rolling Stones, Rosetta Stone, Saxon, Run-D.M.C., Sepia, Siouxsie & The Banshees, Sisters of Mercy, Skid Row, Shriekback, Bob Seger, Brian Setzer, The Smashing Pumpkins, Soft Cell, Slayer, The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, Steppenwolf, This Mortal Coil, Tears For Fears, Ten Years After, George Thorogood, Type O Negetive, Tones on Trial, Van Halen, Train, Uriah Heep, Bjork, Trouble, Midge Ure, Black Flag, Venom, Black Tape for a Blue Girl, Muddy Waters, Veruca Salt, White Zombie, The Wedding Present, Zeke, X-Ray Spex, Chuck Berry, Warren Zevon, The Animals, The Ventures, Blondie, Neil Young, The Strawberry Alarm Clock, Snot, Andrea Bocelli, Transmutator, The Donnas, Dropkick Murphys, Soulfly, Onward, Flaw, Clan of Xymox, Penis Flytrap, Frankenstein Dragqueens for Planet 13, Whiskey Blanket, Desdemona Finch, Bela Fleck & The Flecktones, Dragpipe, Tantric, Killswitch Engage, Last Dance, Mindfield, Narcissus Pool, WOMB, Ian Van Dahl, Gorillaz, Apoptygma Berzerk, Children of Bodom, Krisiun, Voltaire, David Bowie, Pillar, AC/DC, Hoobastank, Arch Enemy, System of a Down, Mortiis, Vanessa Carlton, London After Midnight, Rob Zombie, Dimmu Borgir, Velvet Acid Christ, Spineshank, Pacific Gas & Electric, Alec Empire, Dido, Static-X, Lacrimosa, Audiovent, VNV Nation, Watts, Staind, Dark Tranquility, Zeromancer, Sone Sour, Murderdolls, Any Given Day, Canned Heat, Cannibal Corpse, The Icarus Line, 4 Strings, New Disease, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Dali's Car, The Cardigans, Aerosmith, Transplants, Bella Morte, Shadows Fall, Snake River Conspiracy, Muse, Taproot, The Distillers, The Chameleons UK, The Exies, Nelly Furtado, Swarf Sisters, Skeletal Family, Rollins Band, Three Days Grace, Corpus Delecti, Christian Death, Chimaira, Soilwork, Coldplay, Electrasy, Eric Clapton, Air, Les Claypool, Coal Chamber, Collide, The Darkness, The Rasmus, The Raid, Corrossion of Conformity, The Start, Wolfsheim, The Horrorpops, Alice Cooper, Keane, Counrty Joe & The Fish, The Killers, The Cramps, The Cranberries, DJ Narrows, Scissor Sisters, Cream, The Cult, American Popular, Antonia, Pinto, The Cure, The Conspiracy, The Marrionettes, Ghost Dance, Daft Punk, The Damned, The Creatures, Curve, All About Eve, Daniella Dax, Delerium, Die Laughing, Deep Purple, Depeche Mode, The Allman Brothers, Dr. Dre, Dire Straits, Dio, Echo & The Bunnymen, Duke Ellington, Emperor, Dokken, Dream Theater, Duran Duran, Electric Light Orchestra, Everlast, Eurythmics, Enya, Fields of the Nephilim, Fates Warning, Lita Ford, Faith & the Muse, Gamma Ray, Gene Loves Jezebel, Peter Gabriel, Frankenstein, Garbage, Genitorturers, The Glove, Straylight Run, Chris Vrenna, Cylab, Gwar, Sammy Haggar, The Grateful Dead, Herbie Hancock, Don Henley, George Harrison, Reverend Horton Heat, Armored Saint, Louis Armstrong, Jefferson Airplane, Asia, Billy Joel, Albert King, King's X, Lenny Kravitz, Annie Lennox, Manowar, Bad Religon, Bob Marley, Moby, Morbid Angel, The Misfits, Mortician, Alanis Morissette, N.W.A., Oingo Boingo, Ted Nugent, Nirvana, The Offspring, Tom Petty, Bonnie Raitt, Bathory, Iggy Pop, Rush, Roxy Music, Beck, Santana, Scorpions, Seal, A Flock of Seagulls, Stormtroopers of Death, Sly & The Family Stone, Soundgarden, Bruce Springsteen, Jimmy Thackery, Sting, Stone Temple Pilots, Suicidal Tendancies, U2, Bikini Kill, UFO, Tesla, Temple of the Dog, Twisted Sister, The Verve, The Velvet Underground, The Who, Zakk Wylde, Buddy Holly, Adam Ant, Blues Traveler, U.S. Bombs, Sevendust, Fatboy Slim, Ray Charles, God Dethroned, Mushroomhead, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Boston, Alicia Keys, Gorgoroth, Godsmack, Paul Oakenfold, Flotsam & Jetsam, Disturbed, The Cars, Black Label Society, Celtic Frost, The Chemical Brothers, Tony Iommi, The Clash, Joe Cocker, Phil Collins, Devo, Bob Dylan, The Eagles, Girlschool, Golden Earring, Napalm Death, Arch Enemy, The Pogues, Dead Kennedys

Movies:

www.zeitgeistmovie.com

http://www.talismanicidols.org/video.html

Genres:
Thrillers/Suspense/Horror/Mindfuck
Alien 1-4, American Psycho, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Butterfly Effect, Dawn of the Dead, Eraserhead, The Forgotten, Frailty, Falling Down, Gingersnaps 1+2, Interview with the Vampire, Jacob's Ladder, Jaws, Night of the Living Dead (orig and remake), Momento, The Mothman Prophecies, Pet Sematary, The Ring, Se7en, Signs, Silent Hill, The Sixth Sense, Saw 1+2, The Thing, Cloverfield
Sci-Fi/Fantasy
12 Monkeys, 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Matrix 1-3 & Animatrix, Back to the Future 1-3, The Crow, Dark City, Robocop trilogy, Stargate, Star Trek, Star Wars, THX 1138, Tremors, War of the Worlds (orig. and remake), X-Men trilogy,
Comedy
Airplane 1+2, Army of Darkness, Bad Santa, Beetlejuice, Clerks1+2, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Ghostbusters 1+2, Gross point Blank, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Naked Gun trilogy, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, Office Space, Pulp Fiction, SLC Punk, Starship Troopers, Young Frankenstein,
Drama
Alien Nation, American Beauty, American History x, The Aviator, Braveheart, Brokeback Mountain, Catch me if You can, Caveman's Valentine, Dances with Wolves, Edward Scissorhands, Gandhi, Greystoke the Legen of Tarzan, Highlander series, Jeremiah Johnson, Natural Born Killers, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Pianist, Requiem for a Dream, The Seventh Seal, Spartacus, To Kill a Mockingbird, Training Day,
Action
Batman (all but batman and robin), Blade, Conair, Desperado 1-3, Die Hard 1-3, End of Days, Face/Off, Fight Club, Man with No Name trilogy, Independence Day, Indiana Jones Trilogy, Jurassic Park, Kill Bill 1+2, King Kong, The Last Samurai, Lord of the Rings trilogy, Mask of Zorro, The Mummy 1+2, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Pirates of the Caribbean, Predator, The Quick and the Dead, The Rock, Sin City, Animated Spawn series, Spiderman 1+2, The Terminator 1+2, Unforgiven,
Kid's
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Grave of the Fireflies, Labrynth, The Neverending Story, Princess Mononoke, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The city of Lost Children

Television:

I haven't watched a ton of TV in a while. The glass teet costs a lot for all the books I have to read.
Normally I would watch something funny and or educational. Star Trek, House, South Park, The Simpsons, Futurama, The Oblongs, The Boondocks, Metalaocalypse, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, just whatever's groovy.

Books:

Currently reading: The Gun Seller, Guns Germs & Steel, The Dragons of Eden, Holy Blood and the Holy Grail, The Messianic Legacy, Goth Craft, The Third Chimpanzee, Creating Unforgettable Characters, The Bohemian Manifesto, Hero With a Thousand Faces, Christ I don't remember anymore....THERE'S SO MANY!
Has Liked: 1984, Red Dwarf, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Why I Kill; A Pop-up Book!, JTHM, The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail, The Watchmen, Stardust, Slaughterhouse 5, The Shining, Pet Sematary, The Collected Works of H.P. Lovecraft, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, Stiff, Spook, Misc. Spiderman books, A Scanner Darkly, Hiroshima, Carrie, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Odd Thomas, Go Ask Alice, No One Gets Out of Here Alive, The Long Hard Road Out of Hell
I usually find it hard to find a book I wanna read through, and often I get to the last 1 or 2 chapters of a book and then set it down for 6 months before reading the ending (no conscious reason, just lose interest) I find I can usually sit through things by Neil Gaiman, Jhonen Vasquez (funny man of the dark humor of the insomniac world), HP Lovecraft (because he only wrote short stories), David Sedaris, Douglas Adams, Carl Sagan, Chuck Phalanuik, Chaim Potok, and Stephen King.

Heroes:

Cool people who follow their bliss and speak their minds. Bravery, Practicality, and selflessness are things I admire. Someone I think of a someone to look up to is Neil Gaiman's Death. She doesn't even exist in cold hard reality. But a hero who doesn't exist can never let you down.
Terrence McKenna, Misti, Alan Watts, Carl Sagan, Socrates, Robert Anton Wilson,

My Blog

The Dark Night does in fact has super powers

I now have 3 friends (that I know of) that have had a long dark night of the soul thanks to drugs. A condition in which you seem to feel abandoned, take responsibility for all of your bullshit, and de...
Posted by Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead) on Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:42:00 PST

Letter to a Friend 3

Well on the issue of clothing. It really would not only vary from group to group but individual to individual. From what I can tell it would take the instance of the loincloth. In medieval japan peopl...
Posted by Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead) on Sun, 20 Apr 2008 07:34:00 PST

Letter to a friend 2

I've been reading a lot of Robert Wilson, Terrence Mckenna, and Alan Watts lately. Perhaps because they're acid heads Mckenna and Wilson think one should be agnostic about everything. EVERYTHING. Thin...
Posted by Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead) on Sun, 13 Apr 2008 07:26:00 PST

In Progress

Bloody ragsChildren cut in twoBody bagsRemains transport tubesDoublethinkTry not to thinkDead eyesAnd young blood driesApathy is genocideEmpathy has to hideClose your eyesLearn to denyCattle carsBlack...
Posted by Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead) on Thu, 10 Apr 2008 08:56:00 PST

A letter to a friend

I love Jesus too! After all that prison time the guy needs a little support. Mexican americans are a persecuted bunch. So you know how you asked me if I thought your blogs were too sappy, and then lat...
Posted by Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead) on Thu, 03 Apr 2008 05:10:00 PST

Ghosts of time

What have I to say that was not said before? well that's a start. I work hard for the money and it's fleeting and cottonny and gone. I'd like to preface this next statement with the words I'm not sui...
Posted by Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead) on Fri, 08 Feb 2008 02:17:00 PST

EMOtion

(Vids refused to post properly, so have fun with linkies)   When I turn on MTV, or Fuse, or walk into a Hot Topic, Hell just go near a mall or high school I see people that appear to be Emo. Not ...
Posted by Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead) on Mon, 23 Apr 2007 06:22:00 PST

The Hell?

What the hell am I, thus far? Well Here's some of it. Why I wear an Ankh. Something oft mistaken for a some variety of crucifix. Because it is a symbol of ancient Egyptian origin thought to perhaps to...
Posted by Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead) on Fri, 15 Dec 2006 11:43:00 PST

Heyyy......whuuuuuuh?

The best things in life are free. And yet I can't feel shaken and broken. Can't help but feel people are are worthless in the grand scheme of things with myself as one of them. While at the same time ...
Posted by Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead) on Wed, 27 Sep 2006 11:01:00 PST

Thinking is over rated.

Leave your neurons at the door because it's time I did some thinking for you. Sound self rightous? Welcome to the world of talk radio.You know that last blog on race I did should be amended, it was an...
Posted by Ryan (Unborn Living, Living Dead) on Thu, 22 Jun 2006 11:21:00 PST