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Note that the highly seeked-for Aaron's Teenage Guide To Popularity™ has been moved to my BLOG section. mmktkx.

[ Aaron Johnson ]
.has got an ass that rocks!.

In 2004,

I came to three dramatic conclusions.

I shall never forget them.

(1)

C'est pas la C a lifornie, ici.

(2)

Gay guys don't l o ve.

They just can't.

(3)

My id e ntity cannot be defined

in terms of a single definition.

In 2005, I;

+ went volunteering in Ecuador.
+ clubbed in an ecuadorian club. Got so drunk.
+ discovered the campest band ever, Modern Talking. Loves it.
+ got so sick I passed out.
+ climbed South America's highest mountain and Earth's closest spot to the Sun.
+ bathed for the first time in the Pacific Ocean.
+ landed in Heaven on Earth.
+ in a surprisingly 'The Beach' way, realized it actually was Hell on Earth. Drug traffic included.
+ went to the other side of the world; didn't find myself.
+ challenged social order by making friends with Sciences Humaines and people from outside 'la Clique', aka 'les Toucheux'.

+ fell in love for the first time of my life.
+ had my first real heartbreak as well.
+ realized how alive being heartbroken makes you feel.
+ drank my pain away.
+ turned the page releasing .My Canterbury Romance., the rawest and most personal dance-movie.
+ thought by now I'd say that I'm still into him. Thanks to Kelly Clarkson, I've totally moved on.

+ did mush.
+ drank too much Slush™.
+ got flashed in drive-thru.
+ built sexual tension between me and my gay friend three different times.
+ spent nights I'll never forget aux résidences du Vieux and at various bars.
+ stalked cute boys (insert here, Marc-André Guénette and Gougoune) in the school's halls. Good times.
+ worshipped Ryan Gosling, Jonathan Bennett, Jesse McCartney, Marc-André Grondin and Jake Gyllenhaal.
+ got late to class every single day, when I didn't totally skip it.
+ went out way too much in the beginning of the year.
+ had a laid back summer though.
+ tanned obsessively all May.
+ met stars.
+ was called by my MySpace name several times by strangers on the street or in bars. Ah, Internet fame!
+ posted a nudie shot of me on the Internet.
+ started drinking beer and letting go of that Smirnoff bitch reputation.
+ faced homophobia thrice. Hated not knowing what to reply.

+ discovered Saphir.
+ met Annie Q., who turned out to be one of the most important people in my life.
+ went out night after night after night.
+ ate too much 3$ chowmein.
+ often got back home at 5 AM when I worked at 7.
+ studied Nietzsche drunk at 4 AM when my exams were at 8.
+ stained her bed falling asleep on my pen.
+ had the funniest talks after the craziest nights in that bed. Awe, memories.
+ admired Plastic Patrik.
+ despised the new Pope. Damn he looks like vermine.
+ admired how hollywoodish our lovelives had become, on its scene bar background.
+ yelled ''CHUIS UNE MAAAARDE!'' running, crying, screaming on St-Laurent at 2 AM.
+ got in after-parties. Felt out of place, maybe because my lovely friend vomited in a corner yelling ''I'M TOO DRUNK!''.
+ took her home and paid extra tip to the taxi driver because she got sick one too many times.
+ actually, even had problem getting a cab to pick us up because she looked too drunk.
+ once was worth 53¢.
+ fell asleep in my car on a freezing night waiting for Annie Q, who forgot about me and never came. I woke up with ice on my face.
+ embraced alcoholism, the best thing on this planet after diets.

+ finished fuckin' IB!!!
+ wrote my utterly important final 4000-word memoire the week-end before it was dued. Worst week-end ever.
+ passed/aced all my international exams.
+ had 5 out of 7 in Physics. Takes 4 to pass. I was meant to fail it.
+ talked about Descartes in my Philosophy exam. Thing is, we studied Nietzsche all year. Anyways, I was drunk or sleeping during these classes.
+ found the procedures of writing these international exams quite exhausting, stressful and ridiculous.
+ wrote my Med School admission letter the night before the deadline, using homosexuality as a 'circonstance atténuante'.
+ got refused in Med School, by 0.5. This has been the first real failure of my entire life.
+ took my blames and didn't give up. Will apply again after my Anatomy degree.
+ dated a Med student as I was dealing -emotionally and technically- with this refusal/failure. Was awkward.
+ survived a full-on car crash on the highway with my popular friends (la Clique) as we were going to our IB prom party. How cliché.
+ totally should have died that night. All my friends got seriously injured. I got out of the wrecked car with only a few bruises seconds before another car crashed into it.

+ kissed and/or dated too many boys.
+ got hit on in bars and got a few numbers.
+ had weird sex with a foreign guy.
+ got the worst hang-over in my entire life.
+ had a summer fling i.e. major summer crush. It was nothing more than that though, really.
+ kissed a guy under the rain, during a sunrise, beside a travelling train, beside water and under fireworks.
+ was told he had a boyfriend the day I took my chance and decided to tell him I loved him.
+ went to my first drag queen show and absolutely loved it. Came back a few times.
+ created a mischevious plan to get my guy back (Opération 'Feux Aux Poudres'), on a drag queen show background.
+ had a Lindsay Lohan craze.
+ liked Paris 'I'm A Fucking Slut And Deserve To Die Of Herpes' Hilton's song, haha.
+ watched all the Popular episodes, thrice.
+ watched many fillette movies beautifying with my best friend and played lots of Nintendo™.
+ said 'au pire', 'pis toute', 'de toute beauté/c'est si beau' and 'Hon!' way too much.
+ became obsessed with popularity.
+ wore pink on Wednesdays.
+ wrote Aaron's Teenage Guide to Popularity.
+ realized it was all about being kind and honest. Bitches always end up getting gonorrhea anyways.
+ grew my hair quite long.
+ actually even dyed it black and had a scene haircut once, haha.
+ got my 1000 th MySpace friend. Yay!
+ worked in a motorcycle insurance company. Yep.
+ broke hearts.
+ fell asleep while a guy listened to me breathe for an hour over the telephone. + chose bulimia over a guy.
+ realized that beyond being abstinent, I was a fucking tease.
+ watched three movies that changed my life: Mean Girls, C.R.A.Z.Y. and Donnie Darko.
+ was absolutely shattered when I watched C.R.A.Z.Y. over and over again.
+ told to my best friend's younger sister that if she ever sees Karla Homolka, to run away screaming 'She tried to rape me!' and never touch her cuz she has chlamydia. That whore is a filthy slut and I hope she dies.

+ quit my High School job after working there for more than two years.
+ moved away form home. Miss my hometown.
+ found myself a telemarketing job dwntown.
+ got stalked by a neighbour, even though I admit I was being a tease.
+ got badly attacked by my roomate's cat. They kept it.
+ was really sad when I started to realize that my so far best friend was actually a jealous bitch who tried to control my life and ruin my family.
+ couldn't stand my roomates anymore; they were getting me absolutely crazy.
+ lost a real good friend
+ fled without telling anyone.
+ took a step back to clean my life up, and suck all the poison out, as they say.
+ moved a second time. Alone. My appartment is awesome.
+ lost many friends, only to realize who my real friends were.
+ learnt who to trust and who not to.

+ started college. The Elle Woods way.
+ hated feeling plain in the middle of all these preppy blond-haired blue-eyes Abercrombie jocks.
+ absolutely loved my Anatomy classes. Didn't miss one. Yes, we did dissect cadavers, even half heads.
+ wrote my Histology assignment the day before it was dued. Got 10/10.
+ was shocked by a live suicide on MySpace.
+ failed my Bio midterm. Oops.
+ spent Halloween studying Physio while all my friends were having crazy parties. Got a straight A.
+ went to New York with my best friend on a coup de tête.
+ learnt to trust my guts.
+ lost many illusions, grew old, and changed, allot.
+ felt lost and lonely. Still do.
+ kinda started facing who I am and who I'll become. It scares me.
+ adapted to college life and a new lifestyle in a foreign language and a new culture.
+ promoted abstinence and being flawless, which of course became my favorite word. It's so much prettier than Cellar Door.
+ decided turquoise was the new pink.
+ decided red was the new blonde.
+ found a hidden passion for discoballs.
+ got Madonna's 'Confessions on a Dance Floor' before its commercial release.
+ was obsessed with Hung Up.
+ had a boyfriend. We broke up after a month, but he's been my more serious boyfriend to date.
+ was terrified at the idea I'd have to have sex with him.
+ spent hours with my best friend talking about gay sex and how to do it, even bought books.
+ felt good lying naked beside a guy for the first time of my life.
+ stayed a virgin.
+ didn't care about Harry Potter shirtless all that much.
+ never got into decorating for Christmas as I did this year.
+ took so many Wake-Ups™ you wouldn't believe.
+ even though my life looked like it as way better after I fled and moved away, I lost myself again at the end of the year.
+ wrongly thought I had found my way a couple of times. Will I ever?
+ in the end, felt totally broken and was brought back to the 2004 dramatic conclusions : they're all true.