I'm Chris. I'm a show junkie. I sing with my walkman while walking to the bus stop and people give me dirty looks. One time I walked into a stop sign. One time my dad accidently hit me in the chin with a bowling ball. One time my mother threw an apple at me.One time my brother dropped my toothbrush in the toilet. When I was in grade nine I used to have a moustache and I didn't even know. When I put ketchup on a sandwich I make a smiley face. When I was a kid my dad would blow-dry his pubic hair with the door open. When I was a kid my mother would tell me that she was gonna call the police if I was bad. Whenever I'm walking on the sidewalk a car drives by and honks at me and I don't know why. I learned in high school that people don't enjoy stepping on bananas. I know that if you are dressed as a ninja Wal-Mart will not hire you, but they may call the police. Elderly women think I'm cute. I keep important things in a giant peanut butter jar. If i had a dime for every vegetarian bi-sexual teenage girl i've met i'd have about 95cents. I've only broken my front teeth 3 times. I'm the most sensitive boy I've ever met. I've never cried at a funeral but have cried while watching the Family Channel. I'm a vegetarian. I don't drink or do drugs. Emma was my favourite Spice Girl. I celebrate holidays I've made up (March 26 Friendsmas!). I used to have Pepto-Bismol for breakfast everyday due to extreme anxiety. My mom puts used tea bags in the sink almost everyday. It's been at least 4 years since I've been hit in the head with a frying pan. I haven't cleaned up baby vomit in at least 7 years. I haven't cleaned up vomited alphabet soup in at least 4 years. I use pliers to turn on my air conditioner. My shower has no water pressure. I still sleep on a ninja turtle pillowcase. Raphael is my favourite ninja turtle. I think a kiss on the forehead could be as meaningful as one on the lips. My dad cried at the end of the movie Coyote Ugly…. it wasn’t even a sad movie at all? In elementary school I only had crushes on Asian girls. One time a girl gave me a valentine that was addressed to Andrew C….She thought my name was Andrew C for about 5 months…I never corrected her. When I was 10 I would listen to my Goo Goo Dolls tape while I took a bath. Both my ex-girlfriends told me that I’m cute when I’m nervous. I'll always know that Liu Kang's dragon fatality is Down, Forward, Back, Back, High Kick. The only relationship advice my father ever gave me was “pffft broadsâ€. I learned all of my morals from Bob Saggot and Hulk Hogan. My elementary school felt that an empty Pringles Chip container was a suitable toy for children to play with. When I was in grade 4 I threw up at the beginning of class and the kids called me Barf Boy for a whole year. The only real pet I had as a child was a bird my parents took from a mental institution…. that bird wanted to kill us. I’m “in love with love and lousy poetry†(John K Sampson) I conducted and survey and found out that everyone likes banana bread. I use my brother’s beard trimmer to shave my stomach hair. I name inatament objects…my cabinet's name is Franky. I spend a large percentage of my time hardcore dancing in my living room. When I was in grade 5 I went in a garbage can and rolled down a hill. I throw out almost all my birthday cards unless they’re from my Grandma. I love b-rate independent horror movies and cartoons from the 90s. One time I went to a urologist and he said “well that’s a normal looking penisâ€. I think Bride of Killer Nerd was a better movie than the original Killer Nerd. One time I gave a homeless guy a Ziploc bag full of Skittles and he said “who’s needs money when you have Skittles†This morning(oct27th) I found Vagisil on my coffee table. Grandmaster taught me that the two most important things in life are “Good Times and Good Quotesâ€.
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