They called me names, including "Shopping", as in "he isn't with it... he's out shopping", and "Granny Matt" owing to my extraordinary domestic capabilities in the fields of darning, ironing and tea-making. Strangers stop me in shops to ask me if I am okay and then I feel bewildered.
In my spare time, I am a rock star and I hold the Guinness World Record for the largest collection of spandex pants. My private jet is called Jemima.
