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29 RANDOM THINGS PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU.
1. I am a direct descendant of William Wallace. That's why my name is Francis it is Scottish for freedom.
2. I once tried to help a retarded bear cub across the street. His mom offered me out and we threw down.
3. I was on one of those banana boat thing that pull you around which is fun until you get dumped into baracuda infested waters and lose a pinky.
4. Erin Deely bit my nipple till it bled at a foam party in Cancun.
5. A nun accused me of looking up her skirt in eighth grade.
6. The same nun patted me on my penis.
7. I am 13-1 in dance contests. I will get you next time Usher.
8. A gypsy in Italy once threw thier baby at me so I would catch it and he could go through my pockets. I spiked that kid like a volleyball.
9. My friend killed a squirrel and the next day I was with him and I swear there were hundreds of squirrels following us. Plotting on us.
10. When I was little my friend caught a mouse in his house and he put rubber cement on it and lit it on fire. I laughed then but feel bad about it now.
11. I was a lead character in an underground movie called THUGRATS. I starred as a drug dealer selling that placebo shit.
12. I will name my first born son "The".
13. "Freddie Got Fingered" is one of the funniest movies of all time. I get in arguments over this all the time.
14. I will name my first born daughter Bertha. Bertha Boettcher sounds nice.
15. Cousin Greg is really into ATM.
16. I once ran into Tex Cobb in a bar and I was gonna offer him out but he knocked me out before the whole offer was on the table.
17. I am an Incredible singer and I would definately win American Idol but that is too mainstream for me. I'd rather do karaoke.
18. I was the first Blue Blazer before Owen Hart.
19. The Federales had a Shotgun to my throat in Mexico. There was a language barrier and I just kept giving them money till they let me go.
20. I was memphis street's hula hoop Champ three years in a row.
21. Every Block Party when I was little I would make my mom hard boil me an egg for the egg toss. Jimmy Blaney and me are still undefeated.
22. Jeff killed my Ball Python because he was afraid of it. R.I.P. Bishop.
23. I once in high school passed out while masturbating drunk. When I woke up my dick was still in my hand but a cover magically appeared over my body. Thanks Mom.
24. I think Chuck Norris is overrated. I could die for writing that if I'm wrong.
25. I once made a man cry from punching him in the face and it wierded me out. Cried like a little kid.
26. Bill Cosby is my Godfather.
27. I thought I was starting to accept cats then my friend Tommy gets this cat Juggy. This cat needs to die and now I think all cats need to die you can't train them. they are evil wild animals.
28. My favorite Gym game is steal the bacon.
29. I was on Wild Weddings on the Discovery Channel.
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THE ADICTS, THE ADOLESCENTS, AMERICAN NIGHTMARE, THE MISFITS(DANZIG ERA), SAMHAIN, DANZIG, MINOR THREAT, THE BEATLES, ROLLING STONES, ELVIS, SINATRA, S.O.D., M.O.D., TOKEN ENTRY, SHANE MCGOWAN, DROPKICK MURPHY'S, THE BLITZ, ANGER AND ADDICTION, CASUALTIES, THE DAMNED, SEX PISTOLS, SICK OF IT ALL, MURDER CITY DEVILS, DOORS, CREAM, SLAYER, IRON MAIDEN, THE SPECIALS, OP IVY, RANCID, BOUNCING SOULS, ELVIS COSTELLO, COCK SPARRER, S.D.S., GWAR, THE CLASH, THE RAMONES, EARLY WEEZER, THE PIXIES, JOHNNY CASH, HIEROGLYPHICS, KRS-ONE, WU-Tang, G.G. ALLIN, HATEBREED, GERMS, THE SMITHS, THE CURE, NEUTRAL MILK, FUGAZI, WRETCHED ONES, LIFETIME, KID DYNAMITE, MOTORHEAD, SUICIDAL TENDENCIES, CONVERGE, IGGY AND THE STOOGES, CIV, GORILLA BISCUITS, DR. OCTAGON, KOOL KIETH, AT THE DRIVE-IN, MC5, BLACK FLAG, EXPLOITED, THE POGUES, PANTERA. THE DWARVES, BAD RELIGION, BUZZCOCKS, SUBLIME, MARVIN GAYE, BLACK SABBATH, LED ZEPPELIN, GET UP KIDS, PEDRO THE LION, TEGAN AND SARA, THE SHINS, NOFX, BAD BRAINS, INTOXICATED, DEAD KENNEDYS, DEAD MILKMEN, CIRCLE JERKS, H2O, MADBALL AND MANY MORE.
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All the Mafia classics, any movie with Beanie Sigel in it especially State Property 1 & 2,John Waters movies, Troma movies,Broken Lizard movies, Comic Book movies, Old Horror movies, Boogie Nights, Owning Mahowney, Fight Club, Gladiator, Big Lebowski, 40-Year Old Virgin, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, Will Farell, Edward Norton, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Porn
10spot on MTV, LOST, Sopranos, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, King of Queens, Entourage, The Office, Sportscenter, VH1 Alternative on VH1 Classic
I read Chuck Palahniuk and Chuck Klosterman Books,books about secret societies, Bill Simmons on espn.com and the dictionary