bob

i quit school at sixteen and spent the next nine years getting blacked out, hitchhiking and riding freight trains. at age twenty six i went to the middle east and bred with a woman i met in washington state. we had a fantastic baby girl in jerusalem. i used an axe, a swiss army knife and a candle to facilitate the delivery. we named her Aliyah after about a year we returned to the states to settle down proper and keep the aspidistra flying. four years later we were back at the breeding and had a beautiful little boy we like to call Hunter. the woman who is in part responsible for all this offspring went clear off her rocker, and so now i spend most of my time taking care of the little ones. i'm a real male martha stewart- i handmake whole wheat bread twice a week, prepare fresh marinara, hand-toss super killer super healthy pizza, make cinnamon rolls from scratch (they say only god can make something from scratch. i say it's bullshit, those bastards), arrange playdates with soccer moms for my daughter, take her to violin class, school, grandma's, change diapers, do laundry, kiss the arse of the kindergarden teacher...you get the picture. yes indeed. that's it, mostly. i quit drinking... love to read... am currently into, for some reason, lifting weights. i'm ripped, i hit harder than a horse kicks, and can sprint a mile in six minutes --less-- in the rain while keeping my cigarette lit. The CricketSoda Myspace Editor!