Warning!!! Read and uphold, any violators will be suspended from the male gender indefinitely and further known as a woman. You will be made fun of and laughed at, at any and every possible moment.
This Is The Man Law:
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is OK for a man to cry but ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
0: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
1: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
2: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
3: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
4: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever! Issue closed.
5: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
6: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
7: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
8: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
9: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
0: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
1: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
2: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
3: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
4: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
5: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
6: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
7: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story!
8: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever!
Life is Random...ask questions
Ocean or Lake? Ocean
Pizza or Chinese? Chinese
Mansion or Penthouse? Penthouse
Have you been on a Jet Ski? Nope
Are you afraid of clowns? Fuck dem niggas
How many brothers/sisters do you have? 16
Favorite band/group? The Roots
Baseball or football? Football
Favorite brand of makeup? WTF
Waffles or pancakes? Flapjacks Bitch
Do you have an IPod? Not Yet
Bike or scooter? Bike
Ever go in a hot air balloon? Nope, I get the urge to pop them
How will you celebrate turning 21? I'll have to tell you cause I wont remember it
What brand computer do you have? Dell
How many times have you been to DisneyWorld? None
Favorite city? Philly
Ice cream or frozen yogurt? Ice cream, yogurt is gay
Do you think you are fat? A lil bit
Ever throw up in a public place? Yup
Do you have a pool? I prefer to call it the Bathtub
Ever drive a car? Legaly or illegaly
How many times a month do you go to the movies? 1-2
Last movie you saw? The hills have eyes
Who is your hero? Too many to name
How old are your parents? 42 and 55
What deceased person would you like to meet? Huey P. Newton and Malcom X
Do you chew ice? yup
Have you been to California? Naw Buster
Last book you read? Something by Zane
Favorite teacher? Miss Tripp
Do you like to go fishing? DK
How many boyfirends/girlfriends have you had? 7
How many of those do you regret? 0
What is you average in school? A-B
Favorite professional team? Eagles
Do you like mohawks? Dk
How many pairs of shoes do you own? 4
Do you floss? Occasionaly
Do you have braces? Nope
Do you bite your nails? Hell yeah
What is your last thought before falling asleep? By Menon
Do you fall in love easily? Nope
Ever have a crush and they never knew? Yup
Do you babysit? Not on purpose
Ever been shot at? yup
Do you work out/exercise? yup
Do you have 6 pack abs? I wish
Do you consider yourself nice? a lil bit
What movie character would you like to be? Michael Corleogne
Do you go to camp for the summer? Hell no
Ever been bit by a snake? Snakes know the deal
Have you been on a boat? yup
Name of friend you have known the longest? Allen
Do you like jumping on a trampoline? Hell yeah
Ever break a bone? a few
Name of favorite Aunt/Uncle? Johnny and Jeanie
What is your ultimate job? President of the world
Do you want to walk on the moon? Hell yeah
Can you name the seven dwarfs? Can they name the 5 Boroghs
Favorite TV show? The Boondocks
Apples or oranges? Oranges
Favorite model of car? Aston Martin
Favorite flower? Black rose
Favorite color? Black, Blue and Green
Besides family, ever have someone of the opp sex in your bedroom? yup
Ever climb out your bedroom window? yup
Do you live in an apartment or house? Dorm
How many times in the last month have you had the hiccups? 0
Ever laugh so hard milk came out your nose? nope
How many cousins do you have? Everybodies my cousin
Do you believe in ghosts? Not really
If you were a bird, what would you be? Eagle
Ever get stitches? Plenty
If you could, would you want to know what your future was going to be? Hell no
How many kids do you want to have? 4
If you could change your name, what would it be? Anwar
Dogs or cats? Both
Who do you tell your problems to? Leila, Tanya, Ebony
Who can your tell your secrets to and know they wont tell? Leila Tanya Ebony
Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope
Do you go to church? Back home
Would you marry outside your religon? Depends
Volleyball or tennis? Both
How many people were at your last party? 200
Ever ride in a limo? yup
Ever drink champagne? yup
Favorite dinner? Cheesesteaks
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