M. Vegas L.A.M.F. profile picture

M. Vegas L.A.M.F.

I can't quit, I won't stop, I confessed I've always been a mess, and then I woke up in your wedding

About Me

Ever since I was a little boy all I ever wanted to be was a rock and roll outlaw. I'm a Kraut/Mick just like Tom Hagen. I'm still the apple of my mama's eye. I'm my daddy's worst fears realized. I'm forged from a combination of caramel and gunpowder, heavy on the gunpowder. I live out of the blender. My hands always seem to shake a little. I do as I please and bake in my grease. I ain't got no tail lights. My grill's full of fur. These days, for legal pay M-F, 7:45-4:15, I'm a professional martyr moving ever closer towards life in a rubber room, wearing the latest in haute couture straightjackets. Evenings and weekends I pummel the tubs for Shotgun Kelly. My real name is Roger or Kent. I'll answer to either. If you're looking to add me you have to meet some qualifications. 1st: You have to know how to handle a sawed off pistol grip pump shotgun. 2nd: You have to be willing to throw your set up deep into enemy territory. 3rd: If you're a greasy whore you'd best have a line on a rolling dance floor. 4th: If you can make me laugh you're worth your weight in top shelf caviar. There are those that break and bend. I'm the other kind.

My Interests

abusing my drum set (w/ accompaniment or alone), listening to music-loud enough to make my chest hurt, going to shows, tattoos, laughing to the point of potentially vomiting, hanging out with friends, drinking too much espresso, watching movies, reading, aggressive physical activity, adrenaline, filth, every single element that comes with the experience of breaking glass, making other people laugh, telling wild stories, indoor rock climbing, eating tasty food, riding on the back of peoples' motorcycles, playing w/ other peoples' kids and/or dogs, and if I'm really lucky, their monkeys, poker for $$$ and other assorted gambling, being turned on to new stuff, photography, lowbrow art, temperatures between 50 and 80 degrees w/ no humidity, non filtered cigarettes, occasional cigars, shooting guns, people watching, homies(preferably out of the gumball machine, it provides a cheap thrill similar to gambling), wearing bright orange women's prison jumpsuits to do housework, once a week I try to break the previous week's record of seeing how much bubble gum I can cram into my mouth, sitting in the quiet doing nothing(jumpsuit optional)

I'd like to meet:

Maybe her:

Music:

My favorite music shoots for the guts and the groin. Alltime favorite: Funkadelic. After that I could go for days. Here's some of what does it for me in no particular order: MC5,The Stooges,Alice Cooper,The Dirtbombs,anything w/ Mick Collins,Thin Lizzy,Clutch,Queens of the Stone Age,The Rolling Stones,The Roots,The BellRays,Steve Earle,The BarKays,Nick Drake,Black Sabbath,Sly & The Family Stone....................................................... ...................................(for some reason a large portion of my music and movies disapeared and I don't give enough of a fuck to do anything about it at this time)

Movies:

Most but not all work by these folks:Stanley Kubrick,Coen bros,Tim Burton,David Lynch,Quentin Tarentino,Woody Allen,Alfred Hitchcock,Terry Gilliam,Wes Anderson,Jim Jarmusch,David Fincher,Martin Scorcese,Spike Lee,Spike Jonze,Seymour Butts,Clint Eastwood,Johnny Depp,Cary Grant,Peter Sellers,Sean Penn,One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest,Leolo,Jacob's Ladder,On Golden Blondes,Short Cuts,Bedazzled(the original)Cool Hand Luke,History of Violence.................................................... ..........(for some reason a large portion of my music and movies disapeared and I don't give enough of a fuck to do anything about it at this time)

Television:

Trailer Park Boys, Sopranos, Deadwood, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Simpsons, Seinfeld, Chappelle's Show, Da Ali G Show, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Arrested Development, Does anyone even read all this fucking shit? Hey, I've got two dead bodies in the trunk of my car, Monty Python,Strangers With Candy, The Muppet Show(specifically the episode where Peter Sellers sang Whiskey and Cigarettes and Wild Wild Women).

Books:

I likes reading. I do it bigtime with the premium books. The last five books I've read are: Snuff, The Tender Bar, Into the Wild, Pattern Recognition, Good News, and Do Everything in the Dark. Wait, that's six. Well this is reading not counting.

Heroes:

the guys I see day in and day out at my job, also:Tiki Fulwood, Dennis Thompson, Scott Asheton, Neil Smith

My Blog

eeeeewwwwwwww de toilet

A dear friend and coworker asked me today if I were to wear cologne (which I don't and won't because it's fucking heinous) would I want a specific scent and what would it be? Well, here's what I came ...
Posted by M. Vegas L.A.M.F. on Wed, 30 Apr 2008 05:02:00 PST

Why am I so blind with my eyes wide open?

Used to be the phone ringin' meant good news. Especially when the majority of my calls out went to pagers. Wake up crippled, send out ten pages, sit by the phone, wring my hands, and put all my focus ...
Posted by M. Vegas L.A.M.F. on Sat, 09 Feb 2008 08:46:00 PST

Who the fuck has been readin’ this shit?

I've posted maybe one thing this year but suddenly out of nowhere I start getting over a hundred hits a week. It's almost had a hundred hits since this past Sunday. It makes me a little nervous until ...
Posted by M. Vegas L.A.M.F. on Tue, 06 Nov 2007 10:19:00 PST

Poppa Doc/Parson Brown/Idi Amin/Circus Clown

Most years, sometime mid November, the rusty blade goes into the same spot, just under the jawline below the left ear. That marks the starting point of it's agonizingly slow cross throa...
Posted by M. Vegas L.A.M.F. on Tue, 13 Feb 2007 08:26:00 PST

it's like a fuckin' carnival, man

The side of the building next door had a merry-go-round or some such shit painted on the side of it. I was told it was a homeless shelter. Shit. I knew that. What I didn't know was how fast my life wa...
Posted by M. Vegas L.A.M.F. on Fri, 22 Sep 2006 11:22:00 PST

Payback Down the Line

Can't even remember what this motherfucker did. Owe me money? Dunno. Owe one of my "employers" money? Dunno. Sass me? Dunno. Well why we down here then? Motherfucker I said I don't know! Looks to be a...
Posted by M. Vegas L.A.M.F. on Tue, 05 Sep 2006 10:47:00 PST

Maximum Apathy and Ambivalance

"I fucked your mother." Think he hit me again. Maybe. Not sure. I'm no doctor but I might be in shock. Could just be the drugs and/or head trauma. "Motherfucker you crazy. Never know when to quit do y...
Posted by M. Vegas L.A.M.F. on Sun, 13 Aug 2006 11:53:00 PST

11:13:29 and 11:13:38 (pacific) respectively

yeah that's motherfuckin' right
Posted by M. Vegas L.A.M.F. on Mon, 31 Jul 2006 12:15:00 PST

ain't my frankenstein

His body was found by the dumpster behind the house on Euclid. You know the one being rehabbed where he and them other cats found those AK-47s. He was a wreck but upon closer inspection was still brea...
Posted by M. Vegas L.A.M.F. on Fri, 28 Jul 2006 03:49:00 PST

Home Decorating

Shooting and smoking stimulants with regularity combined with up to six or seven days at a time without sleep make life extremely strange. Add to that the narcotics which give it all a constant push p...
Posted by M. Vegas L.A.M.F. on Sun, 23 Jul 2006 02:38:00 PST