doogers

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Doug
Birthday: One a year, usually.
Birthplace: I'm pretty sure it was very near my mother's location at the time.
Current Location: I'm not sure. If there are any windows, the rubber on the walls in here covers them up, and I can't seem to get my arms out of this jacket the nice men in white coats put on me.
Eye Color: Mostly white, with a black hole and a ring of some other color around that.
Hair Color: Increasingly grey.
Height: All the way down to the floor.
Right Handed or Left Handed: I have both.
Your Heritage: White.
The Shoes You Wore Today: Shoes? Shoes? No wonder the maitre d' was looking at me funny...
Your Weakness: Kryptonite.
Your Fears: Kryptonite.
Your Perfect Pizza: Kryptonite.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Survival. Or, failing that, taking the rest of the world with me.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "obstreperous polymorphism"
Thoughts First Waking Up: "Where are my slippers? And what's this manatee doing in my bed?"
Your Best Physical Feature: My spleen is particularly shapely.
Your Bedtime: Preferably shortly before I fall asleep. Definitely not after.
Your Most Missed Memory: Um ... I forget.
Pepsi or Coke: Well, it's kind of uncomfortable to snort Pepsi off a mirror.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Wendy's.
Single or Group Dates: I tend to eat dates one at a time.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: It's "iced" tea, silly.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla is to chocolate as garnish is to entree.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Since cappuccino is partly made of coffee, this question poses a false dichotomy.
Do you Smoke: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
Do you Swear: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
Do you Sing: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
Do you Shower Daily: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
Have you Been in Love: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
Do you want to go to College: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
Do you want to get Married: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
Do you belive in yourself: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
Do you think you are Attractive: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
Are you a Health Freak: I'm a freak. Does that count?
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes, except when I've been set on fire.
Do you like Thunderstorms: The important question is, do thunderstorms like me?
Do you play an Instrument: The jackhammer dulcimer.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: No, but I have drunk alcohol.
In the past month have you Smoked: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: In the past month? Heck, in the past twelve minutes!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Oh, I wish ...
In the past month have you been on Stage: If you know me, you know this is sort of like asking, "In the past month, have you inhaled?"
In the past month have you been Dumped: I try to avoid the back ends of dump trucks.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Hearts.
Ever been Drunk: I sure hope not. I think I'd have to be pureed first, and I suspect that would be unpleasant.
Ever been called a Tease: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
Ever been Beaten up: Yes, actually. And down.
Ever Shoplifted: Most shops are far too heavy for me to lift.
How do you want to Die: Only when I've been set on fire. And then as little as I can help.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Able to answer Surveys without Random Capitalization in the Questions.
What country would you most like to Visit: The land of the Oompa Loompas.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Chartreuse. Which is why I'm single.
Favourite Hair Color: Chartreuse. Which is why I'm single.
Short or Long Hair: One of each.
Height: Yes, I prefer someone who has a height. Otherwise, they seem so two-dimensional.
Weight: More than a brick, and less than a brick house.
Best Clothing Style: Absent.
Number of Drugs I have taken: I started counting, but then the walls turned furry and began to yodel greenly at the ambivalent violins in my cornflake sofa.
Number of CDs I own: Do you mean Compact Discs or Certificates of Deposit? The answers vary widely, accordingly.
Number of Piercings: You mean times I've been pierced, or times I've pierced others?
Number of Tattoos: As far as I know, there was only ever one -- Herve Villechaize.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: I started counting, but then the walls turned furry and began to yodel greenly at the ambivalent violins in my cornflake sofa.
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