Fish - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Iâ€™m a pudgy, hyper-sensitive and clingy boy that loves sitting indoors with all the shutters drawn lest any outside joy penetrates my dark lair of hate and self-loathing. I never go outside because I hate hiking, trees, climbing, the sky, swimming, nature, running, football, the sun, the stars, biking, people, skating, long walks on beaches, or being outdoors.I also think drinking alcohol is a big waste of oneâ€™s time, money, and water retention and it prevents you from reaching your full potential. It doesnâ€™t make you funnier or good looking.I survive on a diet of Motrin and Slimfast. I enjoy cracking my knuckles and reorganizing my socks. I also train roaches to sing and dance for me.You should see the festering wound I received from a papercut after I kept playing with it all day. Itâ€™s wicked-cool.Iâ€™m not looking for any friends because people only ridicule me because Iâ€™m so much smarter than they will ever be, even if they take those Sally Struthers GED classes. So donâ€™t even ask to become a friend.

My Interests

Huh.

I'd like to meet:

I'm looking for a woman who can hate me for not only who I am, but who I could have become. I think most of the women in my life are too shallow to get to know the real me and the wasted personal potential that I will always be. Then you learn what true failure personified is. Kinda like when I sometimes fall asleep on the drive to work. Hell, sometimes I never make it to work at all. Sometimes I wake up outside some elementary school muttering "mmm-hmm, that one there would be mighty good with some tater-tots" under my breath. (Great, Fish, way to get the FBI studying you just that much more closely. But then they'll realize that I'm, in fact, on Guam and that those McDonald's-fed kids actually would go good with tater-tots.) Or when I drink too much so that I can forget. Then I do forget what I'm forgetting and then I begin hating myself. Then I remember that I am drinking to forget that I hate myself and that when I'm sober I hate other people so that I can stand being around myself. Then I am so blinded with hate I try smashing a beer bottle over my own head. Only, unlike the vague reality of the movies, its not the bottle that breaks.View All Friends | View Blog | View Pics | Add Comment

Music:

Kazoos. A thousand fucking kazoos.

Movies:

The story of my life. How will it end? Who will play me? (If it's Neil Patrick Harris, everyone dies.)

Television:

Big, so big that I have to move out. The neighbors watch their soaps on them from their living room. And yet I still tune mostly to the music channels. Sigh.

Books:

Tasty!

Heroes:

Paul Felton.

My Blog

Living with a Bitch

I know how the conversation is going to go in only one sentence. "Hey Mister, nice caaaar." The first thing to note is the "I fucked my sister more than once" dialect for the word "car."&n...
Posted by Fish on Wed, 03 Oct 2007 09:35:00 PST

Dancin fool

This is a rather late post because I was too embarrassed to make it public. But, I've realized I have no shame and my only purpose in life is to serve as entertainment for others. Or maybe just ...
Posted by Fish on Sat, 04 Aug 2007 08:59:00 PST

Poem?

As I stood in front of my brick-clad token of success, The thoughts in my head rebelled and churned in unrest. So I wondered up at the stars in the sky, And the trail of one falling caught my eye. Tho...
Posted by Fish on Fri, 15 Jun 2007 07:58:00 PST

Fish fish

Last night at work I had the wonderful evening job off sitting at a desk for hours while everything goes wrong in the world around me. The information of impending disaster flows in from various...
Posted by Fish on Thu, 07 Jun 2007 10:21:00 PST

But I got the china...

My brother is getting married. And unlike the last two times I think he means it. WTF? How the did this happen? What planet aligned with the great sphincter of the universe to...
Posted by Fish on Fri, 01 Jun 2007 10:31:00 PST

Just a short update.

I got cable and finally bought a TV only to realize how much nothing is really on the air. I got a DVR so I could record everything I wanted to see and watch it when I can only to have very litt...
Posted by Fish on Fri, 18 May 2007 12:12:00 PST

&two pounds fatty bacon, and a beer & in a tree.

Now that I'm back in the states I am officially 'back on the market.' Though the prospect of finding someone to have and hold is great and all the idea of putting myself out on display for all t...
Posted by Fish on Fri, 27 Apr 2007 09:22:00 PST

Where have all the Fish gone?

I've been busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest so I haven't been writing much, unless you count endless grade sheets and NAVFLIRs. But so far working this hard has been the bes...
Posted by Fish on Sat, 31 Mar 2007 07:29:00 PST

Are my numbers wrong?

Matt has pointed out what he feels is an error in my numbers. He claims I've actually spoken to three prospective wives this year. The incident in question involved a mid-forties woman fal...
Posted by Fish on Thu, 15 Feb 2007 03:49:00 PST

Be my Valentine, for 2 points

Yesterday's outlook for marriage proposals was as bleak as the morning's clouds and the storms they wrought. I actually got out into the 'real world' a little bit by running errands. But t...
Posted by Fish on Wed, 14 Feb 2007 01:23:00 PST