WWW.STVALENTINESMASSACRE.COM
The Story of SVM:From deep in the swampy regions of south Florida, a place where demons and angels both dwell in shrouded forms familiar to the human eye, forms which can be deceiving and conducive to trickery, comes a group of five young soldiers fighting for righteousness throughout the galaxy. This group of elite musical warriors goes by the name of St. Valentines Massacre. All five members of this band of renegade aural angels hails from different backgrounds, all which directly influence their multicultural flavorful contributions to the musical force as a whole.
Andre Canale (aka the Iron Canoli): Once imprisoned for ten years after ripping three New York City blocks down with his bare hands, Andre has now channeled his powerful mastery of his limbs into the percussive elements of the force known as St. Valentines Massacre. He has vowed to give up his dark ways as a sorcerer of chaos and master of the black arts and fight for musical justice. Andre's favorite past times are murder and watching cartoons, and he also enjoys drinking his juice in the hood.
Paul Starr (aka The Dark One): Paul and Andre both grew up together in New York City, and from shortly after birth, they had both conspired to take over the world with their massive musical force. Paul being an ordained minister, and traveling to such countries as Russia and Syria to slay dragons for a living, he knows what it takes to be a master of ultimate sound, and together with St. Valentines Massacre plans to complete his and Andres quests for musical domination of mother earth. It is said that the only way to kill Paul is with a stake to the heart, and he prefers if it at least has A1 sauce on it while being destroyed. He also enjoys long walks on the beach and threesomes.
Tony Rodriguez (aka Fat Tony): Growing up with howler monkeys in Africa, Tony has been accustomed to the savage confines of the jungle for most of his adolescent life. He brings much of his early childhood out in his performances on stage. Luckily, in his late teen years he was adopted by monks, learned of the ways of the ninja, and became a master of the languages and a master assassin. Being sought after for many wrongdoings in southern China, hed escaped to America only to meet up with the rest of the members of St. Valentines Massacre, and joined them in the quest for musical righteousness. Dont be fooled by his sassy hair and girlish figure, he can rip your colon out and choke you with it in a split second. Tony's other favorite pasttimes are playing parchesi, knitting sweaters, and shooting badgers out of giant cannons.
Alan Olshefski (aka The Dread Pirate Alan): Some say that Alan is over 1,000 years old, and actually the ghost of one of the most fearsome pirates on the planet. Alan feeds his flesh for blood with live babies, and has crafted all of his musical instruments on the souls of the humans that hes brutally murdered. Having sailed the seven seas hes been exposed to every type of musical combinations and instruments imaginable, although his first love will always be plundering and pillaging, his love for music has grown throughout the years. A fun fact about The Dread Pirate Alan is that he is originally responsible for "Pirating" Software. He was the first one to ever do it. Alan is also an excellent cupcake maker, it is one of his favorite pasttimes.
Tyler Durden (aka Sassy Stuff, aka Slick Willy): Originally bred from organic cells of the other members of SVM, he was born and raised in a scientific research facility. Endowed with powers combining those of Chris Strykker, Fat Tony, and Paul Starr, Tyler is a mutant beast capable of power morphing, shapeshifting, and more. After the government seized power of the original Chris Strykker, Tyler was taken out of his beta testing regimine early, and thrown head first into the fray to do what he does best, heavy fucking metal. Tyler's favorite foods are strawberry shortcake and human barbecue.
Now that you know a little bit more about the individual members. Lets take a few final moments to find out what exactly St Valentines Massacre is:
St. Valentines Massacre (or SVM) is a rag-tag group of renegades formed from the most bizarre musical auras on the planet, and combined into one massively powerful force. A force that will one day take over the world with their sheer sonic prowess, their powerful riffs, their heart pounding beats and their passionate words that seep into your soul and set it ablaze. St. Valentines Massacre is not going anywhere, and its force of loyal followers is only growing by the hundreds every day. It is useless and futile to fight it; you must embrace your destiny. Like it or not we are taking over.
Well follow these dreams until we die.
~~*St. Valentines Massacre*~~