boo, person frustrated with life with shyness feeling lonely enjoying feeling lonely a lone ranger learning to lie and maneuver ship of lone rangerness into social settings such as not engaging in social settings (the brain) enjoying self careful what it is you are wishing for who the heck knows man.
the long version:
i am an only child. my childhood consisted of watching tv and floating from room to room dusting bookshelves and books read once or not at all. plus, you know, other stuff. cleaning the refridgerator. getting my foot stuck in the kitchen chair, screaming and crying, then watching Fraggle Rock afterwards in a very pacified state. eating butter under the table. getting shocked by the electrical outlet and screaming and crying. getting nipped by the dog. and screaming and crying. bathtub memories. water squirting out of honey bear bottles. red boat with propellor that propelled when boating through water. hair dryer hot on ears, hair combed roughly by father with yellow comb. the dog. dog dish: dirty. stove: hot. toilet: dirty. up the stairs slung over my father's back, "sack o' potatoes", squeeling and laughing, blood rushing to head. climbing out of crib to thin feathery rug outside parents door. face to cold floor. find me and put me back in. daffodils. big white flowers, big purple flowers. swing set. roof. church. more dogs. strollers. bike.
fast forward to junior high: sweaters and sweatpants. small silver necklace: windmill. English class? books. does he like me? pencils. crayons, still? desks like tables. new people. he likes me. red ears. spirit day. science class. pre-algebra. not very fashionable. fashionable. army t-shirt. he stopped liking me. spot? how to deal with bullies. proper hygeine. what is an ovary. what is a testicle. how to say no to drugs, "just say no". new friend! just kidding. no friend. old friend. needy friend. distant friend. but HE Likes me. but i don't like HIM. gym class. social studies. playground. school smell: crayons. school dance. what? tube socks and bug skirt. "original". "creative". from sweaters to flannel shirts in three short years. picking up on the aftershock of the grunge movement. headphones, meaningful, leave me alone i'm lonely.
to be continued...