***WITTY APHORISMS***
"Wit is educated insolence." -Aristotle
"I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible." -Jane Austen
"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of." -Burt Bacharach
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt." -Rami Belson
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils." -Hector Berlioz
"If you come to a fork in the road, take it." -Yogi Berra
"You can observe a lot by watching." -Yogi Berra
"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think." -Ambrose Bierce
"It costs to be stupid. The stupider you are, the more it costs." -Sherrill Brown
"Less than fifteen percent of people do any original thinking on any subject... The greatest torture in the world for most people is to think." -Luther Burbank
"Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well." -Samuel Butler
"If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." -Lewis Carroll
"If we are the only intelligent life in the universe, at least there's a finite number of idiots." -Steven Coallier
"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?" -Ed Cotter
"SIMPLY GOING TO CHURCH DOES NOT MAKE YOU A CHRISTIAN, JUST LIKE GOING TO THE GARAGE DOESN'T MAKE YOU A CAR!!!" -Unknown
"I Have The Body Of A God" -Buddha
***HILARIOUS BUMPER STICKERS***
IF YOU CAN'T FEED EM, DON'T BREED EM!
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
Horn Broken...Watch For Finger.
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
Eat Right, Excercise, Die Anyway.
Illiterate? Write For Help.
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost, But Is Miles From The Next Exit.
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Boldly Going Nowhere.
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
Heart Attacks: God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE---PLANT A MAN.
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN, AND FOR THE SAME REASON.
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