In the great concrete shire of Rancho Cordova, there lives a humble, handsome hobbit by the name of Patrick, or Patty O'Baggins as his friends often call him.
Patrick is bright-eyed and quick witted, with a big heart and a small penis. No, seriously. It's really tiny.
He has great artistic talents and a love of film and classic rock. Because he's kind of old, yanno. In human years, he's 34, which in hobbit years is like...eleventy-eight.
He also has a penchant for spilling, at minimum, one glass of water per day. No one has discovered the truth behind this phenomenon. Nobody cares to. It is exciting to wait for the inevitable moment he tips ice-cold liquid all over his sack (which, in contrast to his penis, is rather bulbous), and it is marvelously funny when the moment finally arrives.
Patty O'Baggins is the most loyal friend a human, dwarf, orc, or elf could ever have. But no trolls. Trolls are gross. And by trolls I mean ugly chicks.
Patrick is well-groomed. He always smells nice, and he has really soft hair. Oh, speaking of hair - his body is virtually hairless. That's right ladies - you can lay on his chest without getting hairs in your nostrils. And also, while you are grabbing his ass while he's giving you the humps, it won't feel like velcro. And any woman who can't appreciate a nice smooth bottom isn't much of a woman.
The dwelling of our hobbit hero is filled with different forms of entertainment, from board games to movies to music. It is virtually impossible to be bored whilst visiting the House of Patty, which is probably why his house is always filled with his friends - if Pat's around, you're bound to have a great time.
Patrick does not like liars. If you lie to him, he will beat you senseless with his very tiny but very effective baseball bat.
