THIS IS WHO I AM NOW< AND WHAT I WANT IN A PERSON**** I’m dying to live…I want to live life to the fullest and I believe in happy endings... it’s just not my time yet. I want to fall in love and I want to feel those butterflies in your stomach when you are so crazy about someone…I want to get weak in the knees…and I want to be breathless..I want to feel heartache because you never truly know what loves is before you have had a broken heart…I'm not afraid of anything i just need to know that i can breathe...And i dont need much of anything...i am small and the world is big.. all around me is fast moving ...how does it feel to be different from me??I wish upon stars and I believe everything happens for a reason…I believe God has a plan for my life…and has a perfect person for me… God is the one person in everyone’s’ life that won’t forsake us. I am outspoken and outgoing. I build walls up around my heart so I don’t get hurt. I am waiting for someone to knock them down. I want a fairytale but I know that everything has a good and bad side, and I am willing to expect that. When I feel lonely I seek God he feels the emptiness inside. I want to be kissed in the rain. I want to live at the beach forever and just lay in the sand watching the wave’s crash to the shore. It’s the most beautiful and smoothing thing in the world. I want to be kissed on a fairest wheel. I want to see everything beautiful...i want to taste rain...I want to take off during the night and just drive not knowing where I am headed...just knowing that there’s something new. I want the little things in life...i want someone to pick me a rose out of my front yard and give it to me. The best things in life are free. I want someone to need me like the air they breathe. I want to run and hold hands on the beach in the middle of the night…I want to be kissed on a lifeguard station...i want to see my whole world in a person’s eyes...I live for the feeling of being in love and being loved. I dare to be different…I want to be different then any guy out there. I want to be remembered and missed when I am gone...I want to make a difference...I want someone to paint my world a better shade of blue...or green...I want to be someone’s good feeling...and I want someone to be my reason for breathing... I am dying for someone to give me a challeng and a reason to bleed..i want to fight for something..i want someone real..I am just me and if you can’t except me and try to change me it’s not going to work..And I believe that you should never regret anything in life... take your mistakes and learn from them…stop dwelling on the past look towards the future. It just may pass you by…
I'd like to meet:
Where is he...this is what I want in a (guy)... Someone to laugh uncontrollably with. Someone to chase dreams with. Someone to share tears with. Someone I don't have to censor myself with. Someone who takes me for all that I am. Someone who sees everything I can be. Someone who sees everything I'm not, and loves me anyway. Someone to catch bubbles with. Someone who doesn't have all the answers. Someone to count stars with. Someone to hold hands with. Someone to cuddle with. Someone who's careful with their words. Someone to sleep in all day with. Someone who gives me butterflies. Someone who makes my heartbeat echo.I breathe you, love.....Who I'd like to (meet):
Anyone who is fun-loving, honest, and has their priorities in the right place. I try and surround myself with friends who have admirable qualities, such as being trustworthy, positive, loyal, driven, and know what responsibility is all about. ...If you really want to meet me, I have very high expectations and so should you. I've been both blessed and cursed to meet someone who stole the the sentimental morning stars from heaven and my heart in the process. Because of him, I now know what love is capable of and what it truly means to want to put someone first in your life and make them a priority, which is both amazing and a scary thing to face for the first time. I also now know that timing is a wrecking ball that destroys one's chest of hope, leaving a void the size of Texas to fill. While I'm happy to meet new people and receive nice emails, I'm not really looking to make friends all over the US or the world. Pen pals are nice, but they never last long.
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To know me better you must read this section)..........>>>>>My Hands can articulate what my mouth never couldI was born with two options: all or nothing. I didn't even make it out of the womb head first, by choice that is. I guess you could call me extreme.In my past, if in any event I would have fallen unexpectedly out of the sky into the middle of the unrelenting ocean, I would not have attempted to tread water. Why exhaust myself to fill my lungs for a few fleeting moments before inevitably sinking when I could have used what little energy I had left to swim to the bottom of the ocean and then inhale? The point is, if I was down, I was going to the very bottom of down, even if there were lifeguards screaming for me to hang on.I operate much like a hand-crafted masochist with a persistent case of vertigo who feels every imperceptible feeling to the power of ten and fancys the act of giving up with a very sick and distorted fervor.I can see most of the events from my later teenage years, but in the sort of way that if they were all printed on a piece of glass and framed in chronological order, then my state of mind kicked that frame onto the floor and shattered it into a million pieces. The memories are still there, they just all came broken asunder and out of order and remain as missing pieces suspended somewhere in time.Unfortunately, a month with nothing but a daily mail call to look forward to doesn’t take the pollution out of the air. And it doesn’t rewire a brain that responds positively to pain. And it sure as hell doesn’t equip the heart with an intruder-proof moat.I feel like I'm walking out of a plane without a parachute with a bunch of people waiting on the ground to see if I’d suddenly learn to fly. I am alone.Learning that trying to fill one void with another in an attempt to kill or claim a feeling is so exasperating that I'm basically losing my mind in the process.Sometimes the only way to learn how to live is to learn how to live without. This realization left me feeling more like a bird with clipped wings than something hopeful.The path I walked the past year has had a few significant ruts, but by some grace of god a steady tap of fortitude has kept me in a good place. (Crosses fingers and knocks on wood). I grew into myself somehow believing I was inherently flawed in the sense that I was never going to be good enough for anyone, especially myself. But at the end of the day all I have is myself. I’ve gained new relationships and others have slipped into the cracks, I've searched for reparation in all areas of my life. Contrition or not, the sun still sets regardless of the weather.At this stage in my life I am complacent with the fact that I have been given too much to spend my days dwelling on what I have lost, or the irrevocable mistakes I have made. I refuse to turn back in this maze. Life is just too short to be lived half-assed. It’s too short to be lived looking through a rear view mirror at the past because no matter how bad you think you’ve got it, somebody somewhere else has it worse. And you have to fight for the things you love, and that has got to start on the inside and work its way out.There’s always tomorrow.I was born with a spark and an ache in my heart, and it took me months of trial and error to reach level ground. I wake up every single day and remind myself to be grateful for the small things in life.I recently dreamt that a few of the major knots that had been tied in my past were finally undone, more like they were never tied at all. Opening my eyes felt more like being punched in the stomach. However, the transient pain from being snapped out of an illusion by my ever taunting mind is about as bad as it gets.It’s not so bad
at all.It’s tempting, like being told to look but not touch- like a reflection in a pond. It doesn’t matter how clear it looks, it’s still just a reflection-
an illusion,
a cock tease,
a lie.You might get in so very close, but the second you touch the water it disappears. The picture retreats beneath the surface as you come to the realization that it was probably never even there to begin with....The very essence of a dream.Unpleasant Interjection-I’m tired and walking through metaphor land by now. This wasn’t meant to be a novel. That will come at a later time. I wasn’t equipped with a Stop button. So excuse the arbitrary jutting edges, the rambling, and the bits and pieces I mentioned but didn’t elucidate. I just needed to briefly gather my thoughts in this awkward overlap of time. I’ll tell you about it sometime, just not tonight.
Movies:
My favorite movie of all time's are: Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, ...then I have my regular movies such as Sex and the City, Laguna Beach, The O.C.-----Summer is the best bitch in the OC show...Man I love that bitch.Cruel Intention's, Mean Girls, Batman, Grease,Scarface,The Notebook, A Walk in the Clouds, Sweet November, Ali,,Beauty and the Beast, Chucky,Dance with the Wolves, Exorcist,Fallin,The Sandlot,Goonies,Beaches,Steal Magnolias, Ghost, Intrapment,Foold Rush In, Poetic Justice, Legally Blonde, 10 things I hate about you,Varsity Blues, Not Another Teen Movie, Scream, I know What You Did Last Summer, The OC, Kingpin, Menace to Society, Meet the Fockers, Peter Pan, The Mummy, The Simple Life, (thats hot!!), Xenosaga, Appleseed, Xtobishi, Nakatonioko, Metal Blade, All the Superman Collection. I love to watch Smallville as well. I like Will and Grace,Friends, Judge Judy is a bitch...lol...dont ask me why i said that but its one of those random things that just popped up in my head so i thought it would be ok to say it. I like to also watch comedys and live entertainment as well. And anything that has to do with blowing up stuff, action thriller, suspense, horror flicks.
Television:
Touch my mind & u will have my interest, Touch my heart & u can have all my love, But touch my soul and u will get passion beyond your wildest dreams.
Heroes:
My heroes are the nameless people the truly unselfish, the Mother Teresas' in the world that do it all for nothing, never complaining or desiring acknowledgment. At day's end they don't come home to 8+ million dollar home and live in the lap of luxury, instead you see them going back to their humble abodes while wishing that the day could hold more hours. Bodies tired, thirst unquenched, their spirit remains strong and their faith in life, love and all that is pure remains intact unwaivered by the actions of those that surround them. Now these are my heroes, these are the people that I want to meet! "do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. check your road and the nature of your battle. the world you desired can be won. it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."
