Afternoon Delight

I'm just trying to save the world. One dog at a time... I'm terrified of birds. Seriously, terrified. It doesn't matter if there's 1 or 100. If there's a flock of seagulls or pigeons, I will cross the street to avoid them. Parrots or parakeets or cockatoo's in a cage is frightfully unnatural. I cannot be in the same room with a bird. My family gave me a stuffed chicken for Christmas one time just so they could see the look of horror on my face when I pulled it out of the box. So rude. I've been pooped on by birds three different times. Disgusting! My grandma had geese and one bit me on the toe one time. I have a scar to prove it. Bastard. Monkeys are cool when they aren't throwing poo. Well, maybe it's kinda cool when its thrown at other people. Turtles and frogs are cool ALL the time. Sometimes, I wish could stick my head in the sand like an ostrich and hide when I'm uncomfortable. Ostrch eggs make GIANT, yummy omlettes. I shared one with some friends when I was on a road trip from Seattle to Massachusetts once. Still, scared of them though, they're BIRDS DAMMIT! One of my road trip buddies had a an iguana named "Bud" that I used to walk with a harness and a leash. Buds tail got slammed in the door of the Volkswagon Vanagan we were traveling in one day, and we tried to use black electrical tape to fix it because we were too scared to break it off the rest of the way. Fortunately, iguanas can re-grow their tails. I have a friend whos myspace name is "snailfishbird". I'm a little jealous of that... I wish I had thought of it. Horses can't vomit. They don't have the mechanism in their throats to allow them to do so. I think that my friend, Malia has the same sort of thing going on. She's only puked like three times in her whole life. Facinating. I've been peed on by by a llama. WOW! That sucked. I was about 7 years old and not very big. Llamas pee a LOT!! Cats are fabulous. I have one named Little Black Sambo. He has no tail. My daughter has a cat named Nala Marie. We consider her to be my grand daughter, which is a little unsettling for the obvious reasons. For those of you who know my situation... My dogs are still trying to kill me, everyday.That is all...

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