Saturday Oct 27th (My Birthday): Hello my loves...
What can I say? Life is good these days. Or at least it would seem so on the surface. At least what I show most people is a happy Jordy doing well, strong, and working towards his dreams. Alas the reality is not quite as shiny. Accepting that I will always be alone is hard. I have a swollen heart, and swollen fingers to match. My love is my art, and art can never save a wretch like me.
Yes my new line of paintings is coming along very nicely too. Its just about the only thing that keeps me alive and breathing these days. My art and my cat, Hunter, she needs me, so I remain until I complete my tasks. If you havent seen, I have posted 3 new paintings, and I have another 4 almost done.
A BIG HUGE HUGE THANKS to all of my gorgeous models for sitting for me, my muses, my heart is yours unconditionally, forever. And to those who still have yet to sit for me, I cant wait to share your story with the world through my brush strokes!
I have been writing, not as much as I would like to though. Mostly poetry, posted in my blog, about love and a girl that is special that I can not have. Love that was never meant to be mine. "We had wonderful times, but terrible timing" a line that applies to every relationship I have ever had, and which will continue to plague me through the years ahead. Its never right. I dont believe it was ever meant to be, which may be my place in life. Seems everyone I have been close to has gone on to grow and learn and become amazing people. If I had even a little bit to do with that, I consider my life not a waste, even though it really is.
I wish I could say that I have been staying sober, but I dont think that is a war I will ever win. 15 years of addiction, hiding from reality, not facing my fears, not growing, not living up to my fullest potential. Not that I believe I have much potential. As long as I can live my life, work as little as possible, and persue my passions in painting and in love, I shall be conent, if I never become happy.
What else am I gonna do right? I have made love and I have been fucked, so what? I will spend my life trying to make up for the things I have done. I cant give up, believe me, I have tried, it doesnt work. If life is going to be a constant struggle, I might as well get used to feeling tired. Next time he wont aim so high, and neither will I.
As someone who was once very close to my heart used to say, "Life is far too short to not stay up until 3am talking all night"
Always,
Jordy aka J~Dub
ALL ABOUT ME:::: I am constantly working on improving myself as a person, inside and out, now more than ever. I am finally on the medication I need and seeing a psychotherapist to help me let go of the anger and hate that I have kept for so long. Self actualization and self realization are such a hard racket, struggling and learning and growing, bettering yourself for yourself, so that you can become a more complete person. Allowing yourself to give more freely and with more honesty from a pure heart and a sound mental and emotional state of mind should be every persons goal. And it all starts with accepting your downfalls, and claiming ownership of who you are and what you want to become.
Take it step by step, one day at a time, knowing that no changes happen over night, and that it takes an insurmountable effort in progress to achieve that personal enlightenment. When we find ourselves, and things that we want to change and have the strength and bravery to step up and face it with a determination that is unmatched by our prosperity, we will find all we are looking for. Change, for the better. If you want to really know me, check out my blogs on "How I live" and "The Only Real Way to Get to Heaven"
I struggle with many obstacles in my life that I wish to overcome for my own personal embetterment. These things don’t turn around in the blink of an eye, and everyday I put forth such a strong effort towards achieving my goals. With the help and support from all my wonderful friends, family that all keep me so inspired to keep trying. Knowing that the change is worth it, and looking forward to being able to give and love completely with a full unabridged heart. Understanding of the world around me and my place in it, accepting of all peoples, all races, all religions, and all beliefs. This is my life’s goal.
You will find out all you need to know about me by reviewing my interests, which are quite detailed in thier complexity. I hope you enjoy.
I am a registered Independent, and I dispise both the Democratic and Republican parties in thier entirety. They are nothing more than a system of control set up to give you the illusion that you have a choice. Wisdom is not a product of schooling, but an aquisition of knowledge gained by experience. And only those that live life to the fullest, being open to everything that comes your way. America is not a democracy. This country is run by people behind the scenes that you know nothing about. They appoint the office of president through the Electoral College and through the unfair practice of limitless campaign donations from lobyists for the oil, alcohol, tobacco, pharmecutical, and war proffiteering sections. Basically, putting the wealthiest two percent and thier interests above everyone else. Apparent in every decision made by this current administration.
Bush is a Terrorist and he eats kittens
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ Click here to make Falling Objects ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
..This profile was edited with MySpace Help - Profile Creator and Editor MySpace Profile
Help!
