Jugs McGee

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My Heroes
On December 29, 1982 a motherfucking star was born. Her mother almost made the mistake of naming her Jennifer, which we all know is what you name girls with herpes. Instead, she chose to name her baby 'Lareyne' because she felt her daughter deserved the ridicule! Lareyne Designers, Lareyna Bobbit, Lareyne Cheese... the list goes on. It's ok though. Lareyne Cheese kinda stuck.
Ok, this writing in third person shtick is annoying.
Anywho, I'm tha muthafuckenjam ‘cause I was born and raised in Miami. Made in Dade, bitches! Growing up, I was fascinated by the Coppertone billboard on the way to Miami Beach. It has left a lasting impression in my memory for some reason. I guess I loved seeing the little dog ferociously pulling down the little girl's underpants. Ahh, only two years old and already finding the amusement in bestiality!
As a toddler, I found myself getting into all sorts of trouble. I probably wasn’t the brightest kid. I remember running my pacifier along the window sills in my grandma's house and eating all of the dust and dead flies. I guess I enjoyed the salty flavor? I also used to eat scented crayons, play dough and candles. Hey, if it smells good, I'll try it once.
I was a huge MTV kid in the 80's. I was and still am a total fag for Madonna. I used to mimic her when I was younger, sporting my aunt's ridiculous 80's garb and gaudy jewelry. MTV was a huge part of my life growing up. I remember watching tons of videos like Guns N Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Michael Jackson, Genesis, The Cure and The B52's. I especially remember being scared to death of A-ha's 'Take on Me' video. Sketches turning into people, a dude taking a chick into the sketch world via a piece of paper... that shit was fucking nuts! Anyway, I guess you can say that my obsession with music began at an early age. I have learned to love pretty much all kinds of music, with the exception of country and techno, but we all know that's not really music. MTV broke my goddamn heart once the late nineties came around and they refrained from actually playing any music. Instead, they focused on becoming the perfect network to cater to chronic masturbators who get off on teenage drama queen whores and metrosexual looking bastards. At that time, I realized I would have to turn to underground music to save my life, which is when I discovered metal, ska and all that good stuff. I also began writing my own music. Nothing ever came out of it, but it was something fun that I did in my spare time. I played trumpet for about four years but abruptly gave up on it in 2002. You know, I like the word ‘indolence’. It makes my laziness seem classy.
I've come to the conclusion that I am a 13 year old boy trapped in a 24 year old woman's body. I love video games, World of Warcraft, pro-wrestling, comic books, action figures, stand up comedy, tattoos, UFC fights, loud concerts, hanging with the guys and BEER!! But hey, guess what? I'm really a girl, and the happiest girl in the world, might I add. My boyfriend Jeremy is my best friend. We’ve been together for almost two years and he is the most important person in the world to me. I can tell him anything and no matter how badly I fuck up or how lame my jokes are, he's always there to pick me up, dust me off, kiss me on the forehead and say "Baby, your jokes are gay as fuck." He is my strength and my weakness and I don’t know where I would be without him. Hate is such a strong word. However, I will gladly use it and enjoy the shit out of it too.
I MOTHERFUCKING HATE: hypocrites, narcissism, people who puke for fun, doing laundry, infidelity, mushrooms, guys with Superman tattoos, reality TV, Mariah Carey, bigots, balloons, the color orange, bitches with big purses who keep little dogs in 'em, homework, mosquitoes, Bloody Marys, religious nuts, pre-ripped jeans, political nonsense, the Insane Clown Posse and their retarded white trash followers, dirty dishes, glitter, when you get the wrong order at the drive thru, ebonics, American Idol, my landlord, tags on the inside of clothing, homophobes, when automatic toilets flush before you are done and they splash your ass, Eric Bischoff, math, oysters, Star Wars, the menstrual cycle, tornadoes, people who were pissed at Britney for showing her vag, impoliteness, shopping for clothes, Sex and the City, people who need anger management, traffic, Cracker Barrel, shoes, summertime, parallel parking, Cyclops from X-men, bad parenting, Mountain Dew, assholes in huge cars that don’t know how to maneuver them... the list can go on forever. But I'm really a nice person, I swear. :D
My idol: Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
"You think you're gonna live forever, but you won't. Someone'll kill ya. Someone'll kill ya with a knife."