Bert profile picture

Bert

Man bites dog-details at 11:00.

About Me

Just a normal guy who likes movies and motorcycles.

My Interests

Video games, motorcycles, movies and relaxing with friends.

I'd like to meet:

Dario Argento to discuss horror films and Christopher Walken to get drunk with. I'd also like to meet Eli Roth to bash his fucking skull in with a rusty hunk of rebar. Roth makes me sick. He's 20-something and the public, and Tarantino (asshole), thinks he's the next John fucking Carpenter! He's a freakin' hack. If I got my wish, a plane piloted by Quentin Tarantino and copiloted by Eli Roth would crash into the side of a mountain.End of line...

Music:

Depeche Mode, The Cure, Marilyn Manson, NIN, Social D, Soundgarden, Nitzer Ebb, Front 242, Sisters of Mercy, Soul Coughing, Violent Femmes, Beastie Boys, Ministry, Bjork, Bach, The The, Tom Waits,New Order, anything from the '70s, The Cars, Rob Zombie, Velvet Underground, Sex Pistols, The Police, PIL, Thomas Dolby, Tori Amos, The Cult, Al Green, Earth Wind & Fire, CCR, STP, Johnny Cash, Grace Jones, Me First & the Gimme Gimmes, KISS

Movies:

Cool Hand Luke, Braveheart, Giant, Streetcar Named Desire, Bullitt, The Shawkshank Redemption, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead, THX 1138, Time Bandits, 12 Monkeys, The Abyss, Saving Private Ryan, Bad Taste, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Shaun of the Dead, Suspiria, Halloween, Fight Club, Se7en, Goodfellas, Raging Bull, Akira, Dune, The Seven Samurai, Videodrome, Moulin Rouge!, Scanners, The Brood, Rabid, Batman, Lawrence of Arabia, Dead Alive, The Groove Tube, Amazon Women on the Moon, Clerks, Stripes, Hellraiser 1-2, 28 Days Later

Television:

I hate TV...but here goes: Family Guy, The Simpsons, Sealab 2021, The History Channel, Discovery, AMC, Inside the Actor's Studio, Faulty Towers, Sesame Street, Laugh In, CSI, Monty Python

Books:

The Divine Comedy, Dune, American Psycho, 1984, The Time Machine, Farenheit 451, Black Orpheus, Brave New World, Naked Lunch, Hell's Angels, Haunted

Heroes:

George Washington, Walter Burke III, SSG Pat Eaton, Max Biagi, Steve McQueen, Ferris Bueller, Sir James Hayes, Trent Reznor, Tim Burton, Ken Haines, Jackson Pollack, Dante, Keefe Royal, Tina Turner, Mel Gibson, Dario Argento, David Quinn, Tim Vigil, Gilgamesh, Bill Gates, Sam Raimi, Edward Norton, Akira Kurosawa, Fellini, David Lean, Sam Peckinpah, Sergio Leone, George Romero, Bub, Robert Smith, KISS, Terry Gilliam, Monty Python, Batman

My Blog

Clover-shit

I want my fucking money back&      I guess I should just come out and say it"Cloverfield" sucks whole stables of donkeys.  Come on guys&I love the monster.  It completely roc...
Posted by Bert on Fri, 25 Apr 2008 05:50:00 PST

Gibbits and crows!

Well, I think this dream rates right up there with my Nurgle one.      It all started at some sort of boot-camp.  We were all in this sixty to eighty man open bay barracks and the...
Posted by Bert on Wed, 23 Apr 2008 04:29:00 PST

Everything doesn’t have to have fucking cherry in it guys!

  Wild Cherry M & Ms  "Play that funky music white boy" (it's a fucking Wild Cherry reference...duh!)   Adding cherry, or it's uproarious and rowdy cousin-wild cherry, to every...
Posted by Bert on Sat, 01 Mar 2008 06:59:00 PST

Candy es realmente buena follando. Me gusta caramelos mejor que el sexo y ponis. No en cuenta q

"Candy says I've come to hate my body and all that it requires in this worldCandy says I'd like to know completely what others so discretely talk about         ...
Posted by Bert on Mon, 18 Feb 2008 02:21:00 PST

Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman&

"Just want someone to say to me I'll be there when you wake                   -Blind Melon      &nb...
Posted by Bert on Tue, 12 Feb 2008 03:36:00 PST

My thoughts...

   Just a bit from inside my gourd.  Some of the stuff I write may come across as odd or mean.  It's not.  I need a place to vent and get out what's floating around ...
Posted by Bert on Fri, 08 Feb 2008 04:58:00 PST

Candy, candy, candy I cant let you go&Part 5!

   All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets.&nb...
Posted by Bert on Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:25:00 PST

Candy es buena parte 4!

Like sand through the hourglass, this is the fourth Candy Cage match!   3 Musketeers Mint                Mint tastes like stamp glue& ...
Posted by Bert on Fri, 01 Feb 2008 01:40:00 PST

I Want Candy...Return of the King

Welcome to another riveting installment of Candy 2008!   Starring: Dextrose, Citric Acid, Carnauba Wax and Maltodextrin   Smarties (Giant size!)         ...
Posted by Bert on Fri, 25 Jan 2008 06:40:00 PST

I want Candy: Part 2

Yummy&   I've decided to do a series on candy.  Ta-dah!  For the next [undisclosed span of time] I will try 2 candies per week.  I'm not limiting it to brand-name shit either. ...
Posted by Bert on Fri, 18 Jan 2008 04:56:00 PST