TestimonyI had been a Christian for a long time but for some reason I slipped away from the Lord. I was going to church, and reading my bible, and doing what I was suppose to be doing as a Christian but there came a time in my life that I didn't go to church, and just living in the world. As I began to live in the world I was more grumpy, moody, hateful, bitter and I had a lot of anger in my heart. I have been through a lot in my marriage and I had a lot of anger in me. I was so bitter,lonely, I felt alone ( even when I was around people ), I felt like I brought the worse in people because it just felt like the more I tried to do what I thought was right things would go wrong, and they would seem to not get better at all. I had a tendacy to look at other people's faults, always look on the negative side and I would not see the good in people at all. I had a no care attitude, I had a chip on my shoulder. I didn't like what I was going through in life so instead of looking at where the problem was coming from and looking at myself I would belittle my husband, talk mean to him, didn't care how I treated him, or talked to him I just didn't care about my marriage at all. I had so much anger from the way he has done me in my marriage, and I wanted to talk things out but instead of listening to my husband about things, and loving him as Christ loves me I was taking my anger out on him by belittling him. I know in my heart that it wasn't right at all, and I know that everyone makes mistakes in life but I had this anger in me that I didn't know how to let go of it. I would always say that I have let go of it, but then when a situation would come up similiar to the one I was working on to let go of it, something else would pop up and I was dealing with so much at one time. I had a void in my life, I didn't feel loved, I was lost and I was living a hipacrite life because I was living for the world but then on the other hand I loved the Lord with all my heart and soul and I tried to do what was right. See, when your living for Christ you can't have nothing to do with the world because you can't have the good Lord and the world too. You have to have One, and hopfully you will pick the Lord. I would sometimes think about things in the past and I would get so mad, or think about what someone said to me that I didn't like and I would hold a grudge against them, and I resented my husband too. I didn't trust him, sometimes I liked him and sometimes I didn't and I knew in my heart that what I was doing was wrong but I knew in my heart I needed the Lord back into my heart. There was times I would be in a good mood and when he would walk in the door it was like a U-turn I would get so mad and for what I had NO clue at all. I have to say that I have been through alot with my husband in our marriage but also he has been through alot with me too. It takes 2 in a marriage. It is remarkable that he has stayed right by my side and I have stayed right by his side too. To look back on it, my anger was controlling my life. I was holding on to the past so much that really I should of turned the tables on me and looked at myself in the mirror to do a reality check on myself to change ME, because deep down I didn't like who I was inside my heart, didn't like who I had become. Well, it was getting so bad too that I would have bad dreams at night. There was one night I went to bed and as I closed my eyes I saw this big ugly red dragon it scared me so bad that I was praying that God to take the bad dream away so I could get some sleep. It was like I was in a dark place but no matter where I looked I couldn't see the light, to be honest with you that is a scarey feeling. I would have some bad dreams but it was when in my life I had changed and was going for destruction if I didn't change soon. I was getting to where I didn't want to talk to no one not even on the phone. I love talking on the phone, I just love to talk..LoL.. but anyways, I was just depressed. One day, I was sick and tired of feeling this way in my life and I called a friend of mine that is a preacher and I asked him if he had any plans that day he said he didn't and he asked me if anything was wrong. I said that I needed someone to talk to, so I came by the church that evening around 6. Well, I was telling him how I was feeling and how my life was going that I just couldn't take it no more that I needed to make a change. I wanted to let go of my anger, completely!! I wanted Joy back into my life, and I just want God's love to flow through me, and help me in my daily walk with Christ. That day August. 21st, 2006 I redicated my life to Christ, and let me tell you something it is one of the best discussions I have ever made in a long time. I can truthfully say that Jesus has took the anger away from me, I don't have that void in my life no more, because he has replaced my heart with Joy, Unconditional love, peace, kindness, and so much more. I do feel loved and I know that God loves me and I know that my family loves me 2. He has blessed my husband and I so much in our life and many more to come indeed:-) He has blessed us with 2 beautiful healthy children. I praise God for taking the anger away from me and giving me such a peace. I know in my heart that the Old Theresa is long gone, but I am the New and Improved Theresa and Jesus is my light in my life. I am a much happier Christian, and God helps me in my daily walk with Him. He helps me be more understanding, He helps me to slow to anger, He helps me with my mouth, He helps me with everything. He shines His love through me, and He use's me because it is all for His Glory.. Praise God. He has took my broken heart that was shattered into so many lil pieces and molded my heart back together. He is making me into the woman He wants me to be. Praise God.. Thank you so much for accepting me back again.
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