erwin profile picture

erwin

METROSEXUAL CHIC

About Me

i'm everything my mother isn't. i don't do my own laundry. i don't like sports. i dance like a maniac. i don't love Raymond. i majored in Flirtation. i punch like a girl. i think too much. i talk too damn much. i kiss like a two- dollar whore. i'm a two-dollar whore. i'm not afraid of death. i'm some kind of freaky. i don't litter. i should exercise more than i do. i need to live at least two hundred years without sleep to accomplish everything that i want to do. i don't chew my fingernails. i sometimes applaud obnoxiously. i have never flown in a helicopter. i'm not afraid to use public washrooms. i'm an outie. i have poor penmanship. i'm not a vegetarian. i don't read my horoscope every day. i'm a bit pretentious. i sing "crazy for you" in the shower. i have a passport. i remember unimportant details. i listen to pop music. i could use a drink of water.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

whoever claimed that dating is fun has not been on the dates i have. as i date a lot, it has afforded me the opportunity of concocting a recipe for an awful date.if you want me to prefer chinese water torture to your company: spend the entire date bragging about your alleged intelligence. (Note: bravado is not an adequate substitute for true intelligence or tact.) if you believe you have superior intellect, have something other than words to show for it.if you want me to laugh whenever i hear your name: drone on and on about your work. make sure i am well aware of how important you are. drop words like, 'my assistant' often. make sure to tell me about the time Bill Gates contacted you for financial counsel at least twice in the span of an hour.if you want to be certain that i will tell everyone about your third nipple - the one you like suckled: cut the date short claiming that you just remembered that you have another date later that evening. detail how hot your date later this evening is. for good measure throw in a few cursory comments of how your later date bears a striking resemblance to a Victoria's Secret model (even when she leaves her runway stilettos at home.)if you want me to construct a voodoo doll of you: insult my intelligence. insult my home. insult the dog i do not have. (Note: we all know that insecurity lies in the ability to put others down. if you were truly intelligent you would know enough to use an alternative means of insolence.)if you want me to tell all of the greater Metropolitan area what a dipshit you are: insist that i call you "Daddy" during sex. (HOOSIER DADDY?!?!?) spank me hard and often. call me "Mommy." (uggghhh)yeah.

My Blog

TODAY'S SONGSCOPES

i can't find all the right romantic lines. but see me once and see the way i feel. don't discard me just because you think i mean you harm. but these cuts i have they need love to help them heal. don'...
Posted by erwin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I DO NOT LOVE YOU EXCEPT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

-pablo neruda i do not love you except because i love you; i go from loving to not loving you, from waiting to not waiting for you my heart moves from cold to fire. i love you only because i...
Posted by erwin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

TODAY'S SONGSCOPES

there's things that you guess and things that you know. there's boys you can trust and girls that you don't. there are little things you hide and little things that you show. sometimes you think you'r...
Posted by erwin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

HERE I LOVE YOU

-pablo neruda here i love you. in the dark pines the wind disentangles itself. the moon glows like phosphorous on the vagrant waters. days, all one kind, go chasing each other. the snow unfur...
Posted by erwin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

TODAY'S SONGSCOPES

looking for some education, made my way into the night. all that bullshit conversation, well baby can't you read the signs? i won't bore you with the details baby. i don't even want to waste your time...
Posted by erwin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

TODAY'S SONGSCOPES

i can't light no more of your darkness. all my pictures seem to fade to black and white. i'm growing tired and time stands still before me. frozen here on the ladder of my life. it's much too late to ...
Posted by erwin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

SO HARD TO SAY (republished)

what happens if my feelings change, but i've said i love you? do i push you away? or do i still love you? if i stand by my word, and not by my past am i sure it will matter? am i sure it will l...
Posted by erwin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

THE BIG MISTAKE / THE EX FILES XVIII

"we are allowed to make a lot of mistakes, except the ones that destroy us." you are turning out to be a very big mistake. someone who i will regret knowing and loving. you were beautiful. i sa...
Posted by erwin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

TWENTY-FOUR

24 days. 24 red roses. my young pervader, you've made me smile again. you, of 24 years, made me believe in happiness after "now" , the 24th hour. i love you tomorrow....
Posted by erwin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

ANIMALS

it was you, me, and a bottle of moonshine down in the hollow. we swigged that shine until the jug was dry, laughing at the illicitness of it all. and then we touched. your mouth was sweet, your han...
Posted by erwin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST