Mrs. Doug E. Fresh

HEY GUYS WELL ITS ME LINDY-LOU OBVIOUSLY.. IF YOU DONT KNOW ME I DONT WANT TO KNOW YOU SO DONT TALK TO ME, FIRST OFF IM LIVING HAPPILY STATIONED IN JAPAN WITH MY HUSBAND DOUG HE IS EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED PLUS MORE WE ARE PARENTS OF 3 ANIMALS(WE'RE NEVER HAVING KIDS FUCK THAT WE ENJOY HAVING MONEY TO SPEND ON OURSELVES) WE HAVE A PERSIAN NAMED MITTENS SHE LOOKS KINDA FUNNY HER FRONT ARMS ARE SHORTER THEN THE BACK ONES SO SHE'S A LOWRIDER LOL AND IS SHAPED LIKE A PEAR BUT IS CUTE, THE SECOND CAT IS NAMED CHUPACHABRE BUT WE CALL HIM CHOOPIE FOR SHORT, HE IS A BIG CRY BABY AND LAYS AROUND ALL DAY CHOOPIN' IT UP LOL AND LASTLY WE HAVE A DOG NAMED MIJO WHO'S A LITTLE BASTARD BUT HE'S A CUTIE, I LOVE TO GO TO THE BEACH AND TAN,PLAY IN THE OCEAN WITH MY HUSBAND,GO BOATING WITH DOUG AND GO SNORKELING,I LOVE OLDIES MUSIC CAUSE IT REMINDS ME OF MY HOME AND MY FAMILY, GIRLS WHO STARE AT ME AND GIVE ME DIRTY LOOKS CAUSE I LOOK BETTER THEN THEM I LOVE IT!, KEEP HATING YOUR STILL UGLY! SHAKING MY HIPS TO WHATEVER I CAN I LOVE TO DANCE WITH DOUG OR FOR HIM WHICHEVER IS MORE FITTING AT THE TIME..... LOL I LOVE APPLE JUICE, SCARY MOVIES, MY PURSE, MY MICKEY MOUSE BLANKET MY UNCLE GAVE ME, MY FISH TANK, AND SO DO THE CATS, GETTING ALL DONE UP FOR DOUG AND LOOKING GREAT FOR HIM, WATCHING TV WITH DOUG ON THE COUCH SNUGGLED UP IN OUR BLANKETS, I LOVE MY FAMILY AND MY PETS THERE WITH THEM IN CALIFORNIA, I ACTUALLY ENJOY WORKING OUT NOW AND JUST SPEND TIME WITH DOUG ON THE ISLAND HERE ITS VERY BEAUTIFUL I LOVE BEING ABLE TO SEE THE OCEAN OUT OF MY BALCONY AND OUT OF MY KITCHEN BEING ABLE TO SEE THE SUN SET OVER THE PACIFIC, IM A PRETTY CHILL PERSON UNTIL YOU FUCK WITH ME OR MY HUSBAND, NOW IM JUST A HOT WIFE, I HATE WHEN I CANT GET THINGS DONE, CRABS ON THE BEACH THEY SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME..., PEOPLE WHO CANT LET THE PAST GO, IMMATURE PEOPLE, GUYS THAT TRY HITTING ON ME, GUYS THAT CHECK ME OUT IN FRONT OF MY HUSBAND WHILE THEIR WITH A GIRL..HAVE SOME RESPECT AT LEAST FOR YOUR GIRLS SAKE...., FAT MILITARY WIVES WHO WEAR CLOTHES THAT THEY SHOULDNT GO TO THE GYM ITS FREE FAT ASS, HEARING/WATCHING PEOPLE EAT WITH THEIR MOUTHS OPEN...HAVE SOME MANNERS..., PARENTS THAT LET THEIR KIDS SCREAM AND BE LITTLE SHITS OUT IN PUBLIC..., PEOPLE BEING CRULE TO ANIMALS MOSTLY ITS SO WRONG AND TOTALLY FUCKED UP, PEOPLE WHO CANT HELP THEMSELVES, ITS JUST PATHETIC.. AND UGLY GIRLS WHO THINK THEIR PRETTY...DONT BE MAD AT ME CAUSE IM HOT, BE MAD AT YOUR PARENTS FOR MAKING YOU... ANYTHING ELSE YOU CAN ASK IF YOU ARE ALREADY MY FRIEND YOU KNOW IM A NICE PERSON IF UR NOT MY FRIEND WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY PROFILE, I DONT WANT TO KNOW YOU OTHERWISE I ALREADY WOULD,IF U DONT KNOW ME FUCK OFF... :) AND I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS AND MISS THEM ALL, EVERYONE ELSE GO DO WHATEVER... IM A TOTAL BITCH THAT IS IN LOVE WITH HER HUSBAND AND HERSELF SO LEAVE ME ALONE

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You Know You're Mexican When....
You have ever been hit by a chancla.You grew up scared by something called "El Cucuy." Others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking.You light a candle on the night of the Lotto drawing.You use your lips to point something out.You constantly refer to cereal as "con fleis".Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if it's a one bedroom apartment.You can dance ranchera, cumbia or salsa without music.You use "manteca" (lard) instead of olive oil and can't figure out why your butt is getting bigger.You call your sneakers "tenees".You have at least thirty cousins.You can't imagine anyone not liking spicy food.You are in a 5-passenger car with 7 people in it and a person shouting "subanse, todavia caben".Whenever you feel under the weather, you compulsively dab on some "Vics" vapor rub all over your chest and inside your nostrils.Your mom packs your "lonchera" everyday.You or someone you know uses "Tres Flores" in their hair.Tamales, champurrado, posole and menudo are must haves on Thanksgiving.There is more Budweiser than punch at little Juanito's birthday party.There is at least one member in your family name Maria, Guadalupe, Juan, Jose, or Jesus.Everyone still thinks Cesar Chavez is the best boxer even if he lost against Oscar De La Hoya.You've gone to the Pulgamarket every weekend for years.You step into a house that has all those little figurines taking up every inch of space on/under the TV.You have a porcelain cat, dog, Buddha, or elephant in your living room.You have plastic slipcovers on your sofas.You swear "Choco Mil" is the same as Slim Fast and try to lose weight by drinking it.You have a drunk uncle/aunt.You're still afraid to open that umbrella in your house.You not only know who Don Francisco from Sabado Gigante is, but you tell people he's your tio.Your mother, tia or hermana's hair is blackcherry, "Sun in" red or a burgundy that would make Celia Cruz jealous.You always try to find out what town another fellow Latino's family is from.You have ever had to "beepiar" a friend on their pager.You wear your Sunday best to do laundry at the laundrymat and go grocery shopping.You have told your kid not to walk the floor barefoot or they'll catch a cold.You go to a wedding or Quiencienera, gossip about how bad the comida is, but be the first to take a plato to go.You have a bottle of Tapatio in your purse.Your cousins are delinquents / hootchies.You have a chola in your barrio named "La Flaca" who's bigger than a house.You think Cristina trumps Oprah any day.You have a cousin named "Guero" who's darker than night.You know a chola named "La Shy Girl" who is loud and obnoxious.You need to point out how much something you just bought cost.You go to a white friends house for dinner and don't understand the concept of sitting at a table.You've tried to bring a mango back to the US from Mexico, and a bonus point if you actually made it all the way home with it.You have a bottle of Bacardi or Tequila in your house right now.You drive a "Cheby", an "Ohsmobeel" or a "Bolswahgon" You're proud to be Mexican - and you pass these jokes on to all your Mexican friends!
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