"The Big Bang" was an accident guys...sorry to disappoint your egotistical belief that I willingly created the universe for the sole purpose of your guys' existence. The truth? It was one hell of a sneeze. That's right, you bastards are all the remnants of my drippy green snot as it hurled through the air at the speed of light.
With that out of the way, I'd like to point out that I look nothing like Zeus, you pagan Graeco-Roman dicks! I look MUCH more like Willem Dafoe, only much older and with more white hair on my face. I don't really like white hair on my face, but Gilette doesn't exactly make diety-sized razors, and I'm not really into the whole "creation" thing anymore. 7 Days was enough - I quit.
Oh, and for the record: I didn't write "The Bible." In fact, I didn't even authorize whoever it was that wrote it to write it. Despite the fact that it's remained the number one selling book of all time, it's not accurate. I recommend "A Thesis on the Life and Times of YHWH in Post-Biblical Times and Beyond" by God. That's me.
