Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski profile picture

Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski

Comedian Ray Lipowski SHOWTIMES White boys in the hood [email protected]

About Me

GOD GOD GOD. I give all praise and glory to him and thank him for all he has allowed me and my family and the true friends he has put in my life. I start with saying I am a proud Dad of the two most BEAUTIFUL girls in the world. My babies are half white (ME), they better be mine half black my wife and they both have good hair. Yeah I said it!!! Lauren and Jana I love you MUCHO MUCHO!!!! It's me Comedian Ray Lipowski. I live in Chicago and Los Angeles and also spend a lot of time in New York. You have seen me on COMIC VIEW 02, 03, 05, SHOWTIME @ the APOLLO 02, HBO'S P. DIDDY BAD BOYS of COMEDY 05 and SHOWTIME'S WHITE BOYS in the HOOD 06. The dvd for the BAD BOYS of COMEDY is out in stores now as is the dvd for WHITE BOYS in the HOOD. I also just taped a tv show for TVone called the FUNNY SPOT with Tony Rock. I just taped Martin Lawrence presents 1st AMENDMENT stand up for the STARZ network. Looking to make friends and network. Love making people laugh and putting a smile on peoples faces.Keep GOD first and you can't go wrong in anything you do. If GOD be for you then who can be against you?I end with saying. Lauren and Jana Lipowski my two DAUGHTERS I LOVE YOU TWO more then anything in this world!!!Live life to the fullest and dont cheat life because if you do life will cheat you!! Be yourself always and say what you mean. Those that matter dont mind and those that mind dont matter. Be positive in all you do and dont let anyone tell you you cant do something. FOLLOW your dream. It just might not be a dream but a reality. Positive things happen to positive people. Negative things happen to neagative people. REMEMBER that FOCKERS!!!The 80's rule from music to movies and television. Heck even sports. They talk about these NBA basketball players of today but they cant win the Gold and havent in how long now? Cuz they suck and dont know how to play as a team. Jordan, Bird and Magic would never lose a game to these dudes. Jordan would average 40 a game against these BUSTERS!!! Todays NBA ball player has no heart and they play no D!!! Its all about the money.

My Interests

Of course comedy shows, going to dinner, movies and travel. Working out is something I love. I run 10 miles a day and hit the weights. Showing of this body come summer time ladies. Of course my family. Thats my biggest interest.

I'd like to meet:

GOD!!!! People interested in seeing my upcoming events and or gigs. People that love to laugh and people with a good spirit. Positive people and of course Elvis. You know he is still alive. (LOL)(JOKING People)
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Ray Lipowski
Birthday: 12/15/75
Birthplace: Chicago (WESTSIDE)
Current Location: S. Burbs Chicago and Torrance California
Eye Color: GREEN
Hair Color: BROWN
Height: 5'10
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right but beat off with the left to keep biceps even.
Your Heritage: Polish, Croation.
The Shoes You Wore Today: Blue Cole Haan
Your Weakness: Chocolate
Your Fears: Not living up to being a great Dad
Your Perfect Pizza: CHEESE from Pompei Bakery on Taylor
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Get signed to a holding deal
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: that LOL!!! bullshit
Thoughts First Waking Up: where the fuck is my wife? this bitch never comes home
Your Best Physical Feature: Eyes, Smile and I wear magnums ladies. I didnt say the magnums fit but I do the best I can.
Your Bedtime: whenever
Your Most Missed Memory: Growing up a kid in Cicero, Illinois and playing any sport everyday
Pepsi or Coke: coke you make way more selling coke then a pepsi LOL
MacDonalds or Burger King: Portillo's for my Chicago people
Single or Group Dates: ORGY me and 6 chicks
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Tea is f ing nasty
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla Ice Cream
Cappuccino or Coffee: Neither
Do you Smoke: NOPE does weed count?
Do you Swear: Yeah and hate that I do but only swear on stage and don't know why
Do you Sing: Hell no
Do you Shower Daily: 3 times minimum
Have you Been in Love: Yep and it sucks and is overrated
Do you want to go to College: NOPE pay back them student loans haha
Do you want to get Married: Dont remind me I am for now
Do you belive in yourself: Of course who else will if I don't?
Do you get Motion Sickness: Sometimes
Do you think you are Attractive: Yeah
Are you a Health Freak: Yes
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes I love my Mom, Pops is not here anymore
Do you like Thunderstorms: Are you f ing nuts? yeah and I chase Tornado's
Do you play an Instrument: No my wife plays the skin flute very well so i've been told
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yeah
In the past month have you Smoked: no does weed count?
In the past month have you been on Drugs: no weed is not a drug alcohol is
In the past month have you gone on a Date: nice question trying to get me busted i'm married duh
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yep
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Yeah damn I'm a pig
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: yes I have eaten sushi but not the food kind if you know what I mean
In the past month have you been on Stage: yes
In the past month have you been Dumped: come on now dumped? me?
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no dont want to scare people with this massive snake
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: yep
Ever been called a Tease: too old for games
Ever been Beaten up: nope
Ever Shoplifted:&..39;
How do you want to Die: I'm not I'm living forever
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I dont know I'm grown now and still aint amounted to nothing
What country would you most like to Visit: BRAZIL
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Blue cuz I have green
Favourite Hair Color: dont matter
Short or Long Hair: dont matter
Height: 5'0 to 5'10
Weight: 120 to 160 with some 36 d's
Best Clothing Style: anything as long as she dont dress like a f ing dude. she cant wear f ing Jordans
Number of Drugs I have taken: none
Number of CDs I own: none some PRICK stole em
Number of Piercings: None
Number of Tattoos: None
Number of things in my Past I Regret: TOO many to count my dad caught me jaggin off once. I don't regret jagin off I just regret not lockin the door and gettin caught

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Music:

Alternative, rock, little rap. some r and b. Too many to list but heres a few. Pearl Jam, Incubus, Linkin Park, Red Hot Chili Peppers, U2, Nirvana, Led Zepplin the GREATEST rock group ever, Van Halen, Journey, Heart, most 80's rock the best rock music ever, the 90's altervative wave that Pearl Jam and Nirvana started, the whole grunge thing, Alice in Chains, 311, STP for those that don't know thats Stone Temple Pilot, DMX, Jay Z, Nas, Talib Kwali, the best rapper ever Tupac, Eminem. Usher and all old r and b music.

Movies:

Comedies and Action movies (Animal House)(E.T.)(Porky's)(Top Gun)(Napoleon Dynamite)(Caddy Shack)(Breakfast Club)(Sixteen Candles)(Fast Times at Ridgemont High)(Whats up SPACOLI)(Friday)(Meet the Parents)(American Pie)(Lost Boys)(Goonies)and all porn(KIDDING)(WINK WINK)(All Godfathers)(Scar Face)

Television:

Sports, comedies and cars shows. ENTOURAGE the best show on tv!!!(Curb your Enthusiasm)(Taxi)(Cheers)(All in the Family)(Sanford and Son)(Goodtimes)(2 and a Half Men)(Seinfeld)(Friends)(Martin)(ESPN)(The Cosby show)(Family Guy)(South Park)(Rides and Overhaulin)(Chip Foose you're the best. When I blow up Chip your doing my ride)(American Chopper the whole OCC crew, Mikey your hilarious and Paul Sr. do some frickn work, if it wasn't for your son Paul jr. you would not be where you are today. Pick up a wrench you big armed focker.

Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Pourimg water

Books:

The greatest of all. The BIBLE. Women stop reading romance novels. They are porno's for your mind you freaks. Now you want to live in fantasy romance world. Are we screwing or not? Am I banging you or what?

Heroes:

Bruce Lee (kidding) My TWO DAUGHTERS LAUREN and JANA LIPOWSKI, my PARENTS andmy MOTHER IN LAW. Anyone that overcame obstacles to achieve there dream. DREAMS ARE REALITY PEOPLE!!!!! I just like hearing stories about people who had a struggle in whatever field they chose and came out on top. With GOD and some determination and not giving up you will make your dream a reality.

My Blog

My Website!

www.comedianraylipowski.com My site will be up soon I promise but forget that domain name. That one I let go. It will be a new one. Will let you know when I know....
Posted by Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski on Thu, 01 Feb 2007 05:22:00 PST

The focker almost got arrested

This is one of the craziest things ever to happen to me and lets see if it makes sense to you. The focker was going to JCPenny shut up I dont shop there. They have a Sephora inside of them now. Not al...
Posted by Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski on Wed, 14 May 2008 04:22:00 PST

Growing old with my balls

The older I get the lower my nuts sink. Being 42 is a bitch. They are getting closer and closer to my knee caps. When I doo doo they graze the toilet water from time to time. They hover the water...
Posted by Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski on Thu, 08 May 2008 12:00:00 PST

My damn wife (brilliant daughter)

This is funny but its not. I know sounds stupid but you will understand when you are done reading. My wife tells me our daughters need braces like I dont know this. I say to her we are not ready yet t...
Posted by Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski on Thu, 17 Apr 2008 07:22:00 PST

Martin Lawrence tv taping

Hey all its the focker. Sorry not putting up blogs. Ive been busy which is always a good thing. Well here we go. Im in DC for my taping of Martins show 1st Amendment and Im talking to Kim Witley actre...
Posted by Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski on Thu, 17 Apr 2008 06:21:00 PST

F ing Sprint

..TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"> ..TABLE> ..TR> I just get done doing Carolines on Broadway for the Wendy Williams show they do there every Wednesday to a sold out show. I hea...
Posted by Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski on Fri, 28 Mar 2008 08:35:00 PST

My email is best way to contact me

For bookings email me at [email protected] and or [email protected] SORRY about my website. It should of been done in January of 07. Yes 07. Dont know what happened. I paid for it a...
Posted by Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski on Thu, 28 Feb 2008 10:56:00 PST

Remember Rasheed this Sunday the 17th of Feb

Dont forget to watch this Sundays Def Jam and see my buddy Rasheed who just passed away late last year. He was one of the best and even more so a good dude!! Keep his spirit alive. Lets make this the ...
Posted by Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski on Sat, 16 Feb 2008 09:38:00 PST

I hate when this happens

Dont you hate like not even 5 minutes after you get out the shower now you have to doo doo? You are not even finished towel drying yourself when it hits ya. You are like damn I gotta shit. I coul...
Posted by Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski on Mon, 11 Feb 2008 10:01:00 PST

No amount of money

NO amount of money could make me do this!! NO amount!! I almost threw up watching it and I got a strong stomach. What in the world would make a chick or chicks do that? Eating shit and making vid...
Posted by Funniest Man in USA! My Mom said so. Ray Lipowski on Tue, 22 Jan 2008 06:14:00 PST