(Kilby) profile picture

(Kilby)

See the storms through your broken window, see the beauty of the falling rain

About Me

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"People don't always remember what you say, but they'll always remember how you made them feel. "
"After all, there's a reason they say that love is a two-edged sword, rather than a two-edged Wiffle bat or a two-edged Fudgsicle, because love is sharp, it pierces, and love is a needle that sews shut the holes in our hearts, that mends our souls, but it can also cut, cut deep, wound, kill." Christopher Snow - from Dean Koontz's Seize The Night
...It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.
- Nick Hornby, "High Fidelity"
I Am Much Too Alone in This World, Yet Not Alone by Rainer Maria Rilke
I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone enough to truly consecrate the hour. I am much too small in this world, yet not small enough to be to you just object and thing, dark and smart. I want my free will and want it accompanying the path which leads to action; and want during times that beg questions, where something is up, to be among those in the know, or else be alone. I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection, never be blind or too old to uphold your weighty wavering reflection. I want to unfold. Nowhere I wish to stay crooked, bent; for there I would be dishonest, untrue. I want my conscience to be true before you; want to describe myself like a picture I observed for a long time, one close up, like a new word I learned and embraced, like the everyday jug, like my mother's face, like a ship that carried me along through the deadliest storm.
I am a person who is easy to get along with, laidback, and pretty accepting of most people. I do not like hatred, misogyny, racism, or mean people. I am a friendly person and I appreciate honesty in everyone I meet. I will defend my friends to the end, no matter who they are or how far away. I am loyal, dependable and I try to make everyone happy. My life has been a bit tough throughout the years, I feel as if there have been a few injustices and unfairness, but I have tried to maintain a positive outlook on everything and have tried to avoid feeling resentful and bitter about it all. Currently, there have been many changes in my life, including my living situation. I needed to make this drastic change in my life and I feel I am better for it. We all have to take risks, many of us have been hurt. The fact that we lived through it all and survived makes us stronger. I have felt weak for too long and I am glad those days are over. All I can do is try to stay focused and move on. We all need to. I am willing to speak to anyone as long as you send me a message. I am pretty tolerant of most people and cultures and I feel that every person, belief, and subculture should be explored and that a person should try to acquire as much knowledge as possible. I am who I am and will never apologize for it.
The Realization by Lycia
the haze fades she speaks in tongues of brighter days i sink back i'm so afraid in every way the past fades she sings the song of brighter days i reach out she takes me in to brighter days and i can feel, again, no for the first time our souls embrace, my heart beats for the first time grey days are gone, my heart sings for the first time the sun beats down on me, no for the first time the brand new day is here i will never leave you the brand new day is here i will always love you the brand new day is here i will never leave you just take my hand and stay with me forever
MySpace Contact Box from ModMyProfile.com

My Interests

..Life and all the wonders, desires, confusion, happiness, sadness and everything else it brings. Love, death, misanthropy, beauty, dark humour,romanticism

I'd like to meet:

I would like to meet people who are kind, honest, and who are friends. Those I can connect with more than just a superficial level, those who touch me mentally. Those who are genuine, a bit quirky and are honest with me.

Music:

Music is one of the most important things to me. I listen to a variety of music. I wouldn't say i love all music. I like music that moves me and soothes me. All in all I appreciate music that has depth and conveys an actual message, even if it is instrumental. Emotion is always important. I like mellow music but I also like industrial and some metal. I like instruments like acoustic guitars, strings, keyboards, synths, cellos, violins, pretty stuff like that. There is always room for some punk rock though. I have an wide variety of tastes and here is a list of some music that I like: EBM and synthpop such as:Assemblage 23, VNV Nation, Apoptygma Berzerk, Colony 5, OhGr, Anything Box, Pet Shop Boys, New Order,Depeche Mode, Wolfsheim..etc.. Neofolk such as: Death in June, Current 93, Boyd Rice, Sol Invictus. Ethereal and darkwave music like: bands who are or who have been on Projekt Records (Black Tape for A Blue Girl, Arcana, Human Drama, Lycia, Audra, Mira, Love Spirals Downwards, Mira, Judgement of Paris, Autumn's Grey Solace, Unto Ashes...etc). I like ambient music such as Brian Eno, Soulwire, Vidna Obmana, Steve Roach, drone music. I like a bunch of other artists and bands such as: AFI, Joy Division, Velvet Underground, Smashing Pumpkins, Tool, David Bowie, Echo and the Bunnymen, Marilyn Manson, Rosetta Stone, Psychic TV, Simon and Garfunkel, Midnight Syndicate, Vas, Love Is Colder Than Death, Psychedelic Furs, Tara VanFlower (formerly of Lycia), Mike VanPortfleet (also formerly in Lycia), Alice In Chains, Thoushaltnot, The Last Dance, The Sleep of Reason, Inkubus Sukkubus, HIM, Pink Floyd, Bella Morte, Nosferatu, Antony and the Johnsons, Cruxshadows, This Mortal Coil, Hungry Lucy, The Dreamside, Deine Lakaien, Nick Cave, Leonard Cohen, REM, Tears for Fears, KMFDM, Peter Murphy, Diary of Dreams, Nico, The Legendary Pink Dots, Skinny Puppy, Paradise Lost, Rise Against, 70s punk rock, melodic punk rock, certain Lookout bands when I get in the mood, Cradle of Filth, Strawberry Switchblade, Spell, Sorrow, Clan of Xymox, The 69 Eyes, Lacuna Coil, Nightwish, Tori Amos, Iris, Type O Negative, Sentenced, Bjork, Decadance, Rammstein, David Bowie, Rasputina, The Smiths, Enya, Morrissey, Bob Dylan, Dead Can Dance, The Cure. Bad Religion is the best punk rock band ever. I also like Greg Graffin's solo work (American Lesion). It's very folkish, and not like Bad Religion but it is excellent! Rap is a category that really don't like except for most underground rappers such as Sage Francis, Eyedea, Alias, Buck 65 and Atmosphere. I also like classic rock, folk rock, spoken word music, psychedelic rock, gothic metal, new wave and things of that nature. Basically there usually has to have some sort of "meaning" behind it all for me to appreciate it usually.

"To cater to an audience's taste is not to respect them, and if the audience doesn't respect that, they don't deserve respect." - Bob Dylan

Hope Sandoval of Mazzy StarWhat I'm listening to:

Movies:

The movies I like fall mostly into the dramatic category. I am a big fan of Richard Linklater movies, particularly Waking Life and Before Sunrise/Sunset. Other movies I like are American Beauty, The Truman Show, Requiem for a Dream, Donnie Darko, Homeroom, The Butterfly Effect. I also like some horror movies, not really the cheesy kind. Bowling for Columbine was a great documentary. Those documentaries about life around us are really great to check out. I really liked Dancer in the Dark. It was tragically beautiful. Tood Solondz has some fine works of cinema, particularly Happiness and Palindromes I also like really strange movies such as Harmony Korine's Gummo and Julien Donkey-Boy. Those are what great movies are about. something.

Television:

My favorite shows will always be My So-called Life, Degrassi Junior High, Degrassi High, Degrassi: The Next Generation, Pee-wee's Playhouse and Freaks and Geeks. I also like South Park, Mr. Bean, Full House, those dating shows like Blind Date, old Simpsons episodes, those 80s retrospectives VH1 loves showing, Life Goes On, The Wonder Years, Small Wonder.. width="425" height="350">.. ..>

Books:

Some of my favorite books are Touching from a Distance (written by Ian Curtis' widow), Rainer Maria Rilke's poetry,Perks of Being a Wallflower, Running With Scissors, The Anomalies, Me Talk Pretty One Day, The Long Hard Road Out of Hell (autobiography of Marilyn Manson), Manson in His Own Words (biography on Charles Manson) I like books that deal with psychological conditions and biographies on interesting people such as serial killers, musicians or misunderstood people. I always feel for the underdog, so those are the people I like to read about.People who had to suffer in a way. I like to read about all kinds of people I am also a fan of psychology, philosophy and memoirs. I am currently reading Tara VanFlower's first novel Violent Violet, the storytelling and writing is excellent. I also like books by the beatniks such as Burroughs, Kerouac, etc... I like the Brothers Grimm and my beloved got me into Walter Rinder, Rod McKuen and Bukowski, (along with many books I mentioned earlier). Gavin Baddeley is a terrific author. I like all his books (Goth Chic, Dissecting Marilyn Manson, and Lucifer Rising), he is very indepth and all of his work is very well researched. I suggest everyone who is even remotely interested in those subjects to check out those books. The Brothers Grimm are my favorite fairy tale authors, Hans Christian Anderson is very good too. There are many books I enjoy such as books by Francesca Lia Block. I am probably one of the few guys who enjoy her books but they are great. I like some books that Poppy Z. Brite has writtern including Lost Souls, and Exquisite Corpse. Ethan Hawke's books' The Hottest State and Ash Wednesday. I like horror fiction such as John Saul, Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Clive Barker, Bentley Little. Neil Gaiman is absolutely incredible, he's becoming a favorite also!! Lately I have been getting into Bizarro fiction (Jeremy Robert Johnson, Carlton Mellick III) Any other suggestions would be of good help.www.bizarrocentral.comI like to also read religious texts such as the Holy Bible and the Quran. I believe this books are important to read just to have an understanding of things. There are some good lessons in there even if I don't believe everything in them I can find some value in it. People are fascinating. If there are any books you think I might like, please suggest any and I will try to check it out and give you my feedback on it. "I find myself wondering about humanity. Their attitude to my sister's gift is so strange. Why do they fear the sunless lands? It is as natural to die as it is to be born. But they fear her. Dread her. Feebly they attempt to placate her. They do not love her. Many thousands of years ago I heard a song in a dream, a mortal song that celebrated her gift. I still remember it.
'Death is before me today: Like the recovery of a sick man, Like going forth into a garden after sickness.
Death is before me today: Like the odor of myrrh, Like sitting under a sail in a good wind.Death is before me today: Like the course of a stream; Like the return of a man from the war-galley to his house.Death is before me today: Like the home that a man longs to see, After years spent as a captive.'
That forgotten poet understood her gifts. My sister has a function to perform, even as I do. The Endless have their responsibilities. I have responsibilities. I walk by her side, and the darkness lifts from my soul. I walk with her, and I hear the gentle beating of mighty wings..."" - Morpheus speaking about DeathBrother Odd by Dean KoontzMister B. Gone by Clive Barker

Heroes:

Whoever helps me out and I look up to. I don't consider any famous people my heroes (although some are inspirational, I have mentioned those authors, filmmakers and musicians earlier). My heroes are few but they are those who know who care for me and inspire me. My friends, the ones I share my hopes, dreams, memories, ideas, good things and bad, they are always there for me...I also enjoy those who chanllenge society's standards for what is acceptable. People who are happy being themselves and do not care what society as a whole thinks.Those who also encourage others to question what they have been dealt their entire lives. Those who are accepting and encourage different thought and beliefs. Those who have struggled and managed to live with a positive attitude.

My Blog

Love Like Wine

Love Like WineOur love was like wineit's sweet and it stingsI never wanted it to endwhy did it ever begin?the scent you left hereunable to erase it, forgeta permanent taste stays with meI think of you...
Posted by (Kilby) on Wed, 23 May 2007 10:25:00 PST

Desolation

DesolationJust a reflection of who you arejust a memory of a dreamshe stood there with all the pain at her sideshe wanted something more than lifesomething more than what they gave herI come to you in...
Posted by (Kilby) on Sun, 25 Mar 2007 10:32:00 PST

Ode to 2006

this year took forever to die I look at myself and wonder why why this year had to be this way why it had to begin and end like this you wish for death of this year it's close, cant you feel it? ther...
Posted by (Kilby) on Wed, 24 Jan 2007 11:32:00 PST

watching the trees and the leaves as they fall

I cannot live here. This enviornment is not meant for me. I have said these words before but this time it is true. I moved here around 88/89. I never really felt like I belong here. I don't fit in wit...
Posted by (Kilby) on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 02:59:00 PST

Look deeper, then you might understand.

I feel I am at that crossroads time in life. Anything could happen. I hope for the best obviously. I have lost my job at the medical place on account of downsizing. Sucks to be me, I know. I can't see...
Posted by (Kilby) on Sun, 23 Jul 2006 01:36:00 PST

Valentines Day

Man shoots wife, mother in law, then himself The person, (Mario) was my uncle and Gina was my aunt. This obviously has affected our family deeply. Nothing like this has ever happened in our family. ...
Posted by (Kilby) on Tue, 14 Feb 2006 02:13:00 PST

I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun

Searching for people on the myspace is kinda fun sometimes. There are hardly any cool people in Miami. Once again, not surprising. but i expected something interesting i guess. I am getting upset at t...
Posted by (Kilby) on Thu, 17 Nov 2005 11:03:00 PST

Imagination takes the shadows away

I have been feeling really excellent lately. Last night, after work, Kathina and I went for a very brief walk, then proceeded to go home and listen to Black Tape for A Blue Girl to drown out whatever ...
Posted by (Kilby) on Thu, 25 Aug 2005 06:13:00 PST

Happiness in ignorance

Another Monday, I guess it means another beginning of the week. Enjoy your time off. I keep hearing that but I guess I just want to have certain...stuff. I know this will be over soon. I am enjoying a...
Posted by (Kilby) on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Fearless was my middle name.

Well sadly enough, i have lost my pet bird. My little Quaker parrot has flown away. My sister left him out and he's gone. Maybe he will fly back to me but it's becoming more and more unlikely. i hope ...
Posted by (Kilby) on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST