I like to use an extremely wide vocabulary and make social and emotional commentary on subjects i'm neither predisposed to nor educated about. I enjoy complaining immensely on the state of my life and yet constantly refusing to do anything to improve it. I like to think i don't have all the answers, just the one's that don't matter. I feel the urged to type smart-alec remarks and then to sit back and admire while with my right hand on my ball bag and my left hand patting my back. I also enjoy masturbating furiously while watching Seasame street on ice. Why i think of the number 17 my throat closes up and i have an uneven heartbeat(typing it however produces no such response)
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Survey Time
Name: Fingerbang King of 1986
Birthday: hard to remember, i was very young
Birthplace: forcably removed in an alley by someone who didn't want to be a dad
Current Location: a stone's throw from an elderly gentleman whom fuck's horses
Eye Color: a visqous cum-like quality hazel
Hair Color: no hair, head is shaved with white supremacist tattoos
Height: tall enough to facefuck a tip-toeing midget
Weight: 1,297 decigrams
Right Handed or Left Handed: i can suck my own dick, my hands are to force my grandparents to watch
Your Ethnicity: i can make any racist joke without fear of retalitation
Your Weakness: pepper spray and any meg ryan movie
Your Fears: the bleeding puss on my dick isn't poison ivy
Your Perfect Pizza: pepporoni and onions fresh from an aushwitz oven
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: people magazines 50 most beautiful people
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: my parents are home and i have to go now
Your Best Physical Feature: my hairless genitals will take you back to grade school
Your Bedtime: streetlights bitch
Pepsi or Coke:
MacDonalds or Burger King:
Single or Group Dates:
Chocolate or Vanilla:
Cappuccino or Coffee: i snort bolivian fire ants
Do you Smoke Cigarettes:
Do you Smoke Marijuana:
Do you Swear: i've been forced to in court several times
Can you Cook:
Do you want to go to College:
Do you want to get Married:
Do you belive in yourself:
Do you get Motion Sickness:
Do you think you are Attractive:
Do you like Thunderstorms: only when the bolts strike the homeless or uninsured homes
Do you play an Instrument:
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:
In the past month have you Smoked Cigarettes:
In the past month have you Smoked Marijuana:
In the past month have you been on Drugs: if the high from a night of promiscous sex with a tranny counts
In the past month have you gone on a Date: ya can't be accused of date rape otherwise
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: (see above)
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: yes off of a beautiful naked woman(also why i no longer work at Fiorittos funeral home)
In the past month have you been Dumped: more than brittany spears baby
In the past month have you Had Sex: still mentally recovering from shower room "incident"
Ever been called a Tease:
Ever been Beaten up: it's been widely discussed as the catalyst to the 92 LA riots
Ever Shoplifted: only to feed increasingly hostile drug binges
How do you want to Die: hopefully while answering this fucking survey
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: a junkee, no wait, a ballerina(nobody ever says they want to be a junkee when they grow up)
Which countries would you most like to Visit: Laos, Uzbekistan, Papa New Guinea and Flavor Country
Number of Piercings: 6 in the clit, charges are still pending
Number of Tattoos: 1, on my penis, it says "if you can read this you have AIDS"
Favorite Alchoholic Beverage: 2% milk with a shot of goat seminole fluid
Favorite Band/Singer/Musician: wesley willis and sceams of the criminally insane
Favorite Car: the one kennedy was shot in
Favorite Color: car accident purple
Favorite Season: deer hunting and rape season
Are You A Virgin: not since my uncle picked my up in 2cd grade
Have you ever Been Cheated On: only when i dressed up as history test and laid spawled across a desk in 7th grade
Have you ever Cheated On a boyfriend/girlfriend: yes, both
Would you ever Cheat On a boyfriend/girlfriend:
Would You Sleep With Others If Your boyfriend/girlfriend Permitted It:
Money or Happiness:
Beach or Mountains:
Chevy or Ford:
TV or Radio:
Car or SUV: el camino with fuzzy dice and a dead baby painted on the hood
SUV or Motorcycle: there both gas guzzlers if you ask me
Religion: lost it, that 's me in the corner, that me in the spotlight
Favorite Foods: panda and manatee pudding
Favorite Drinks: stillborn baby sweat and ecto-cooler
Do you have a fetish: well, she did til i kicked her in the.. oh, wait fetish? no
(Girls)Thong, G-String or Panties, (Guys) Boxers, Briefs or Boxer Briefs: as long as they are black, you can't notice the blood
Turn On: a hysterical woman sobbing alone a filthy curbside
Turn Off: morals and constant reminders to be compensated
Gum or Mints: i prefer to chew the adrenal gland out of a living victim
Snow Boarding or Skiing: i prefer to whip hopelessy a pack of dead alaskan huskies while staring a motionless sled
City or Country:
Dinner and a Movie, or Clubbing. all, eat her out, club to death, watch the film with buddies
In a Boy/Girl..
First Feature you notice: an unlocked door and their proximity to a cell phone
Favourite Eye Color: desperate green
Favourite Hair Color: multiple hair highlights = complete whore
Short or Long Hair: a handful is all i need
Best Clothing Style: tattered and covered in DNA evidence
Favorite Article of Clothing: my laci peterson autographed snorkel
Height: tall enough to reach basket for lotion placement
Weight: a svelt 198
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
Muppet babies soundtrack. Hitler speaches with looney tunes backgrounds. Anything featuring the sounds of a bulldog puppy being slung from a senior science class-project makeshift trebuchet onto a crushed '87 datsun. Me humming while pretending my mother isn't inebriated and incoherent at 7am on a christmas morning.The wiggles.
Youtube and ogrish clips wherever some innocent nobody becomes the target of a violent criminal. If i don't know them ,it's just entertainment to me.
Home and garden tv. Siberian Bills Wild World of Raping, Antiques roadshow, Who wants to be a child pornographer?,The 700 club, 40 ants a day with Rachel Ray -ethiopian extravaganza
I usually claim 4 or 5, depending on how many spades and aces I have. But usually I just boardtalk with my partner anyway and cheat. I don't really play that game anymore however, after I suffered a serious laundry folding accident. The doctors say I may never be able to pick my kids up again. But if you ask me, my kids are too old to be picked up anyway. If my daughter doesn't walk by the time she's 6 weeks old, it's straight to the adoption agency. The best part is since she's can't talk, I won't even have to come up with a lie to get her into the car like that time I said we were going for ice cream with my ex-son.
Johnny White (11-16-1980 to 7-5-2004) Although I'm too much of a scumbag to get into heaven, feel free to drop urine-filled water balloons on me while I'm roasting in Hell. Please, make sure the urine is cold first, I've been told hell is very temperate.