Hey ladies, I'm a senior at Cornwall Academy (go Griffins) and captain/goalie of my soccer team. You can all rejoice because I'm finally single again and taking applications. Yes, it's true, I finally dumped my pain-in-the-ass girlfriend, Viola. You've probably heard that she wants to get back together again, but frankly, I think I can do better. We'll see- if she comes groveling and apologizing, I may take her back out of pity. She has this ginormous chip on her shoulder and thinks she should be able to do anything a guy can do. But like our coach says, girls just aren't as strong, fast or athletic as guys. It's a scientific fact. You can't argue with science.My next conquest may be Viola's brother's girlfriend, Monique, who also goes to Cornwall. I hear they may have broken up. I don't know what she was doing with a loser like that anyway. He doesn't play any sports and hangs around with the real un-cool kids at school. Monique is smoking hot- she makes Viola look like a boy- so if you don't move fast, ladies, I may be taken again real soon.Oh, btw, I did not cry at last year's Cornwall/Illyria game- I had something in my eye.