Kyle - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I got married this past September (legally) to a wonderful woman, Allyson, after she put up with me being a gimp and coughing up blood on her sheets. I have Cystic Fibrosis and Diabetes (not Diabetis, like many people pronounce it). I got a double lung transplant in August 2005. I have a BA in English, and, no, I don't want to teach. I work in retail. I have a cat named Mojo who is named after Homer's helper monkey who wore a diaper because he got lazy. I watch a lot of movies and I always miss phone calls because I'm blasting my music in the car. I can sing like Brian Johnson of AC/DC. I was in marching band in high school and played the drums. I once put frat boys to shame with my drunkenness when I blacked out in the middle of the street at NIU (it's true, the stared at me). I worked at OfficeMax for 5 years. Once when I was a kid I thought that I saw a robot who looked like a person driving a car. Turned out it wasn't a robot. I have white trash facial hair that is slowly turning into a full beard. I envy Wolverine's sideburns. One time I shoved a guy in a Woody Woodpecker suit in Florida because he was touching me (I was ten or eleven at the time). If you have read this much, congratulations, you have wasted more of your life. Just kidding. These five words are false. The flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz creep me out.

My Interests

writing, books, music, metal, death metal, thrash metal, black metal, rock, country, metal, classical, country, guitar, driving, comics, transmetropolitan, gonzo journalism, lots of random shit, muttering random simpsons quotes to myself while working

I'd like to meet:

Col. Sanders and The Grimace, because nothing can kill him.

Music:

ac/dc, motorhead, slayer, pantera, old metallica, megadeth, aerosmith, stormtroopers of death, cannibal corpse, morbid angel, macabre, jungle rot, six feet under, emperor, nashville pussy, the doors, venom, superjoint ritual, down, david allan coe, hank williams, johnny cash, zz top, ted nugent, rob zombie, white zombie, led zeppelin, judas priest, ozzy osbourne, black sabbath, death, old sepultura, john lee hooker, b.b. king, chuck berry, guns 'n roses, monstrosity, pig destroyer, iced earth, malevolent creation, the rolling stones, beethoven, mozart, hate eternal, old man's child, napalm death, nile, creedence clearwater revival, lynyrd skynyrd, johnny winter

Movies:

the blues brothers, the big lebowski, o' brother where art thou, evil dead, evil dead 2, army of darkness, fight club, a clockwork orange, full metal jacket, the boondock saints, pulp fiction, reservoir dogs, fear and loathing in las vegas, american history x, dr. strangelove, the shining, goodfellas, casino, mean streets, taxi driver, 1941, the great outdoors, animal house, clerks, dogma, mallrats, chasing amy, jay and silent bob strike back, the punisher, the good the bad and the ugly, unforgiven, shaun of the dead, george a. romero's zombie films, the star wars series, manos the hands of fate

Television:

the simpsons, family guy, mystery science theater 3000, aqua teen hunger force

Books:

fight club, invisible monsters, survivor, choke, lullabye, diary, the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime, twelve, lords of chaos, breakfast of champions, slaughterhouse-five, a clockwork orange, slackjaw, quitting the nairobi trio, the catcher in the rye, the thief of always, the adventures of huckleberry finn, fear and loathing in las vegas, hells angels, the rum diary, braindroppings, napalm and silly putty, transmetropolitan

Heroes:

chuck palahniuk, hunter s. thompson, kurt vonnegut, george carlin, denis leary, bill hicks, spider jerusalem, angus young

My Blog

The most pointless conversation ever

This is a transcription of a text message conversation between John (who has no myspace) and myself from last week. Me: I think that the Ghostbusters theme song should be the new National Anthem. John...
Posted by Kyle on Tue, 03 Oct 2006 12:16:00 PST

GODDAMMIT!!!

So I'm at the library checking my email and wasting time on myspace. Behind me is this scrawny kid around 7 or 8 playing games online who keeps making this clucking sound with his tongue and the...
Posted by Kyle on Thu, 22 Jun 2006 04:26:00 PST

Good Friday is not a holiday. Go to school, kids.

Yesterday I was at work and realized all the annoying teenie bopper kids in the store. The day started off nice and slow, with me thinking that it would be very relaxing and stuff would get done...
Posted by Kyle on Fri, 14 Apr 2006 02:21:00 PST

People should die

I am sitting in the school's computer lab, typing stuff up for my next class, and as more and more people file in I realize how much I really don't care for people. Oddly enough, or fittingly en...
Posted by Kyle on Wed, 12 Apr 2006 03:28:00 PST

The Aristocrats

Check out the movie "The Aristocrats" and you may have a better appreciation for this joke. Or not. It's still funny because it has dirty words. Here it goes. Somewhere in a rundown...
Posted by Kyle on Tue, 14 Feb 2006 03:16:00 PST

School days

I am totally fucking up in school this term, which happens to be my last. I haven't been doing my reading and haven't been getting my writing assignments in on time, that is when I have actually...
Posted by Kyle on Mon, 13 Feb 2006 02:30:00 PST