I am awesome. No, seriously, I just fucking rule. That's the short story of my life. The long story involves a penguin, three pounds of gold, a lightning bolt, a washing machine, a mechanical bull, a three person couch, a baseball bat, some drugs, some more alcohol, a lot of good friends, a camera, and a party hat. That is all that needs to be known. I figured I was put on this planet to raise some hell, have some fun, and make people stop taking life seriously. I am a huge Detroit Lions and Chicago Bulls fan, even though I have never been to either place.
If I have met you, I have forgotten your name at least 3 times, and most likely directly after you told it to me.
People always have lists of things they should do, here is my list of things you should never do.
Never apologize for something that isn't your fault.
Never apologize when you don't mean it.
Never live in the past.
Never live in the future. (unless you're future is really kick ass, with lasers and shit.)
Never, ever, let minute trivial shit get you down.
Never stop laughing. (unless you're one of those people who can't laugh and breathe at the same time. Then you're allowed to stop laughing. But only until you're not about to die.
Never get in a land war with Asia.
Never take yourself too seriously.
Never assume.
Never try to fit a moose into a sports car.
Never forget your friends.
Never forget your family.
Never forget your friends and family at a biker bar in the middle of nowhere.
Never forget who you are.
Never drink beer out of a blue cup.
Never let someone think for you. (unless you're really stupid. So, for the majority of you goyum out there, find someone to make your decisions, because you are too dumb to think for yourself.)
Never let a free meal go to waste, who knows what crazy shit could happen before you get another meal.
And most importantly,
Never follow someone else's rules.
