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just chris burian

International man of mediocrity,
Seer of esoteric halftruths,
Exiled king of nomads,
An island of chaos in a sea of tranquility,
Misadventurer extraordinaire,
Sympathizer to exploding stars,
Groundskeeper of the hinterlands,
Loveslave to beautiful injustices,
Perceiver of mirrors in otherwise unlit rooms,
Seeker of the commonly held,
Savior of found souls,
Artist of life unevoked,
A man among gods.

My profile was looking like a trainwreck before so I polished it up by patching together some code. Less is more. Have a great one!

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Adagio for Strings

2007, September 25th

..

six degrees of inner turbulence

2007, September 11th

Artist: Dream Theater
Album: Six Degrees Of Inner Turbulence
Title: Misunderstood

Waiting
In the calm of desolation
Wanting to break
From this circle of confusion

Sleeping
In the depths of isolation
Trying to wake
From this daydream of illusion

How can I feel abandoned even when the world surrounds me
How can I bite the hand that feeds the strangers all around me
How can I know so many
Never really knowing anyone

If I seem superhuman
I have been
Misunderstood

It challenges the essence of my soul
And leaves me in a state of disconnection
As I navigate the maze of self control

Playing a lion being led to a cage
I turn from a thief to a beggar
From a god to God save me

How can I feel abandoned even when the world surrounds me
How can I bite the hand that feeds the strangers all around me
How can I know so many
Never really knowing anyone

If I seem superhuman
I have been
Misunderstood

Playing a lion being led to a cage
I turn from surreal to seclusion
From love to disdain
From belief to delusion
From a thief to a beggar
From a god to God save me

How can I feel abandoned even when the world surrounds me
How can I bite the hand that feeds the strangers all around me
How can I know so many
Never really knowing anyone

If I seem superhuman
I have been
Misunderstood

I am the serenest!! Oh wait...

2007, July 30th

I've been getting a little better at this lately... I've had people take pictures and even tell me they thought I used sugerglue, so I guess I've earned those two merit badges. The other day, these three surfer kids even threw their hands in the air and cheered when I got the top stone on a particularly difficult spire. Unfortunately, I didn't have a camera on hand for that heroic feat. Since, at this point, my job is essentially to bum around beaches, I'll probably end up spending some time working on composition and counter balancing sometime soon.

actuate the gyroscope

2007, July 30th

the sunlight rotates through clouds with ethereal imperfection,
painting a billion yards of canvas with subtle shades of invisible ink,
simply tracing circles in the sand until they trace themselves,
scalding hot water poured onto green jello reacts pleasantly,
because whirling patterns only alter in reverse.
populating zoos with the sleeping guardians of ancient engines,
retrofiting the pressure valves and gifting them away,
seeing is believing so best not stare too long,
simply tracing circles in the sand to an ever receding tide,
opening doors until nothing happens twice,
an utterly unpredictable universe of infinite senses and perfect newness,
all fabrics unfold into mile wide trampolines,
accelerating the center of gravity.

Constructive Delusions On The Bovshow Show

2007, April 29th
..
my dad, guitar legend of isla vista

2007, April 3rd
.. ..
burian rpg: next-gen video game launch party

2007, April 2nd

Today, Chris Burian, one of the world's trailing authorities on video games, announced a long-term worldwide licensing agreement with every-fucking-morning-for-the-rest-of-my-god-damn-life to develop and publish a video game based on a fitness infomercial that he briefly watched last week and a rice cooker that he once saw being used. 'Burian RPG', developed by Chris Burian's award-winning Santa Barbara studio and scheduled to hit retail shelves worldwide in Q2 2007, will be offered for both home and portable consoles.

"We are delighted to work with Chris Burian, one of the biggest players in the industry and someone for whom we have always held a deep level of personal respect," said that part of him that didn't really mean it and was secretly plotting to kill him. "That he has chosen us for this adaptation of the classic 'wake up at 4:00pm, smoke a cigarette and space out' is the best homage that a producer can make to our legacy."

Burian RPG takes it's cues from the hit MMORPG, World of Warcraft, in that gamers can advance their character through up to 70 levels in order to obtain the coveted status of not being called a "noob faggot". The popularity of the game is due, in large part, to it's addictive element, which comes from the act of ratcheting up your character's level and being rewarded with an ever increasing array of powerful options and choices.

The mechanics of the game are deceivingly intuitive and simple. Chris Burian's morning routine is divided into distinct "spheres of achievement". When one correctly performs the actions for a particular "sphere of achievement", a level is gained. Failure to perform the correct actions results in the loss of two levels. Each sphere of achievement has a maximum of 70 levels, since that is the approximate amount of days it takes to internalize a habit and not be called an "f u noob u blow lol". The spheres of achievement slated to make it past the design phase include: waking up on time, spirituality, fitness, nutrition, hygiene and morning business.

"This deal is another example of how truly powerful the appeal of fuck-this-this-can't go-on-anymore is," said a part of Chris Burian that has either actively collaborated on or already secretly sabotaged the project. "We are excited to work together with Chris Burian to create a gaming experience that will allow fans to further immerse themselves into dozens of beautifully crafted environments with sandbox style open-ended play."

The end result is akin to a treasure hunt that blends video game missions and an original story. Gamers embark on a series of journeys, guided by helpful characters. If you need to improve your health, for example, you will want your character to physically exercise every morning. The game's bleeding-edge physics engine will accurately interpret and reflect your achievement. If you need more knowledge, you'll have the option to study and learn, and the game's built-in back-propagation neural network will reflect this with a startling degree of predictability.

The adventure will take the better part of a lifetime to complete, and gamers will be competing against hundreds of millions of other players around the world through social interaction and advanced player-driven economies.

"The creative appeal of 'Burian RPG' transcends borders with it's character centered stories and addictive mythology. The game is a wonderful opportunity to organically extend this creative phenomenon into an interactive human experience," said that part of Chris which fantasizes about flicking paper footballs into George W. Bush's left eye. "Many of us have been hardcore gamers for years and the chance to work with Chris Burian, the man behind some of our favorite titles, has excited us to no end. With the ability to tell new interactive stories within the Chris Burian universe, we're giddy to be developing a game that, once complete, will be as engaging and fun to play as it is to create."

Chris Burian co-created Burian RPG and serves as executive producer, along with various lesser demons.

dane cook is worth every second

2007, March 12th
..
the knights templar are not your friends

2007, March 9th
Let's just get this out of the way up front. Like everyone else on myspace, I am in a band. Unlike everyone else on myspace, I am in a band called The Knights Templar. That's a crucial distinction.
If this were school, I would repeat that so that you would know to write it down for the test. However, my profile isn't college and, furthermore, we assume a high degree of responsibility on the part of the reader...
So, what's the big deal about being in a band called the Knights Templar?
You mean, apart from decapitating foes with broadswords?
Apart from inventing banking, for christ sake?
Ok, I'll tell you. The most important part is realizing that bands called The Knights Templar don't suck, while every other band in existence does. Which leads us to our second crucial distinction:
Your band sucks, while mine doesn't.
I can prove this. The irrefutable cause of your band sucking is someone hearing your music and saying, or even just thinking, "this sucks" or sometimes, although less frequently, "let's get some pancakes". We're going to take this argument piece by piece:
1) Someone hears your music.
2) They say, or even just think, "this sucks".
Now, this is where the resplendent power of The Knights Templar kicks into overdrive. Witness: The Knights Templar doesn't have any songs.
I know I said I wouldn't do this, but this bears repeating. The Knights Templar doesn't have any songs. Therefore, it is impossible for anyone to ever listen to us, and by transitive properties, it is mathematically impossible for us to suck.
So, why should you care about a band that doesn't have any songs?
You remember the global stock market crash last week?
You remember how Dyncorp hasn't been able to effectively train the Iraqi police for 5 years?
You remember how Rudy Giuliani won the 2008 presidential election?
Oh wait...
Well, anyways, we've honestly tried to write music, but it can get pretty stressful. Usually on the weekends we blow off steam by taking Methaqualone. One thing always leads to another and we end up smuggling counterfeit networking hardware out of Lushun, China. That, or we end up ensnaring the world in a delicately knitted, concentric web of lies, halftruths and disinformation. Regardless, on Monday, we're usually so hung over that we just go through the motions and don't get any real song writing done.
Ok, this looks like it's getting long enough to keep my CSS lists on the right from floating left into this part of the webpage, so I'll stop talking shit about your band now. Let's just review:
1) Your band sucks.
2) My band is kick ass.
3) Rudy Giuliani won the 2008 presidential election.
top 5 countdown: hawaii

2006, May 29th

Okay, so... I made it back from Dan and Nui's wedding alive and without being personally attacked by either the two foot blue centipede or the giant shelob spider. There was lots of hottubbing, swimming, snorkeling, kayaking, hiking, eating, drinking and chilling. Here's my top 5 countdown:

5) Swimming on a closed beach with lots of man-o-war jellyfish.

4) Swimming in semi-kraken caliber waves at green sands beach.

3) Spotting a military submarine submerged just outside of our bay.

2) Puking on a rock outcropping in the ocean.

1) Discovering that one of my nipple hairs is long enough to dethrone the current guinness world record holder(and yes, I am aware of how disgusting that sounds, but it's just one hair... really.)

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quick facts

moniker: chris burian age: 26 location: santa barbara, CA, US singleness: 100% here for: networking, friends politics: fiscal conservative, social liberal religion: buddhist, atheist occupation: being preoccupied... education: the streets

my interests

unsolved philosophical problems synthesizing new ideas lateral thinking bridging science and spirituality saving the world ruling the world global economics investment strategies social conflict theory deceit belief value systems memetics neuro-linguistic programming cognitive science artificial intelligence software design art playing go musical composition kenjutsu the golden ratio self actualization

my heroes

socrates siddhartha gautama miyamoto musashi friedrich nietzsche joseph goebbels albert einstein mahatma gandhi noam chomsky richard dawkins kenneth lay karl rove

recommended books

The Alchemist de bono's thinking course Out of Control The Essential Ken Wilbur zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance an introduction to zen training The Practice of Dzogchen The Meme Machine ovid: The Erotic Poems The Book of Five Rings the psychology of persuasion Global Problems and the Culture of Capitalism Hegemony or Survival Confessions of an Economic Hitman Getting Things Done The Richest Man In Bablyon Bull's Eye Investing

recommended movies

What the Bleep Do We Know Primer Adaptation The Matrix March of the Penguins A Beautiful Mind The Fog of War Farenheit 911 Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room Thank You For Smoking Outfoxed Schindler's List The Pianist V for Vendetta The Count of Monte Cristo Gangs of New York Brother Pirates of the Caribbean Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon The Blues Brothers Gladiator Shawshank Redemption Fight Club The Fifth Element The Illusionist The Usual Suspects Cowboy Bebop Lost in Translation The Terminal Kikujiro Amelie Spirited Away Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Office Space The Big Lebowski Borat The Thing Signs

recommended music

Sonata Arctica Children of Bodom tool A Perfect Circle Lacuna Coil Andrew WK Tenacious D Dream Theater Muse bad religion propagandhi Trans-siberian Orchestra The Black Mages Nobuo Uematsu Imogen Heap Hybrid Orbital Aphex Twin Bonobo Ulrich Schnauss Kotoko buddha bar Israel Kamakawiwo'ole Itzhak Perlman

recommended websites

theonion.com fark.com slashdot.org

good tv

c-span 1, 2 and 3 cnn headline news cnbc pbs history channel discovery channel animal planet travel channel scifi channel lost on abc