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Two words…Pro Shopper. I lead a deep and meaningful existence laden with retail therapy and bronzing by the pool. I have an extraordinary golden glow. My torso is a bit short and my hair mildly fluffy but I make up for it with my super stems and a sizzling behind. Modesty is my specialty. Some would say I’m pint sized…I say, “Vodka doesn’t care how tall you are”. Generally, I can be found strutting my junk in a pair of brightly colored stilts and an expensive pair of jeans woven by hungry children in Iraqistan. I’m a philanthropist as well. I’m very picky about the company I keep and surround myself only with those who choose sarcasm, narcissism or celibacy. Kidding about that last one. We have lots of sex. As far as men go, I have no use for those who shave their arms or use emoticons in their emails and text messages. Instead, I appreciate a witty bastard who shares my love of profanity and ironic situations. Quite the catch, I’m very bendy and my perfectly proportionate ears are the envy of all. My favorite foods include cheese, corndogs and a recent affection for bananas. I believe deep in my heart that Angelina Jolie is a dirty rotten rooster eater...I have an “innie” belly button...and I truly enjoy “Let Her Cry” by Hootie and the Blowfish.
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