BuddyGoodness

I hatched from an egg laid by Christopher Walken during a solar eclipse in the monsoon season in Lucknow, India. I was nursed by a pack of merecats until I was old enough to walk into a nearby village where I was discovered by man who immediately attested to my divinity. For the next ten years I was raised in a golden palace built by my disciples, my every need attended to before I even realized the need existed. I was forced to wear a mask covering my face because to gaze upon my visage would at least blind a man if not kill him. On my thirteenth birthday the celebrations got so loud it attracted a local archaeologist who came to investigate what was causing the commotion. The moment he laid eyes upon me he knew I was the one destined to come back to America with him and marry his nobel prize winning, supermodel daughter. After much persuasion I agreed to accompany him back to the United States. Tragically his daughter died two days before I arrived in the land known as Iowa and in his grief the father tore my mask off, looked upon my countenance, and--with his eye sockets still smoldering--fell to the ground dead. Not knowing what to do with myself I decided to disguise my form and live amongst the rabble here in this country.