If loving deely-boppers is wrong I don't want to be right.
Aw I ain't too picky, just : Fellow people of faith (and by "faith" I mean faith in the one true god--the mighty child-devourer Moloch); someone with a broken spirit and a sucking wound where her sense of self used to be, or at least who is readily chloroformable and not prone to litigation; Olympics-qualifying Kegelian athletes; the volcanically incontinent ; epileptic lepers ; someone who'd be up for grabbing some shovels and taking a road trip to rescue "Madame" from within the grave of Wayland Flowers ; surly soda-jerks ; forlorn nog-jockeys ; Yolanda Vega, or at least a semi-passable tranny impersonator of her; doozers ; massively obsese shriners who ride in comically tiny dune buggies ; musicians to join my all-jews' harp jam band; people who are "into" being "too real" for "me" ; people who compulsively and unironically illustrate their speech with "quotation fingers" in spite of being Thalidomide babies ; a crusty-but-loveable schooner cap'n who goes by the name of "Big Swede"; monocle-wearing monkeys in spats who put on airs; Tony Orlando and Dawn (though not at the same time) ; the hollowed-out skull of Shirley Hemphill; academically-trained clowns who in hushed and grave tones discuss their endeavours to revitalize the Commedia del Arte tradition ; Menudo, but only pre-1992 members; female Senor Wences impersonators who aren't using their fists if you know what I mean ; people who could explain to me what I just meant because I have no idea; blowsy, rosy-cheeked Oktoberfest wenches with creepy falsetto voices who smell of empty sausage casings ; spin-art virtuosi ; pop-culture pundits and snarky bloggers (what the fuck am I saying? If either describes you, please go die); anyone who enjoyed Annie Sprinkle's new stage show in Branson, Missouri as much as I did; women unafraid to deploy bac'n bits ; a peg-legged longshoreman who comments on my life-issues via shanties accompanied only by his wheezy concertina ; unibrowed Serbian divorcees in crotchless bellhop outfits who laugh hysterically and inexplicably at rutabagas; Ruth Buzzi, but only with her "Lost Saucer" shag hairdo ; jazzbos ; the pendulously bescrotummed ; a burly guy named Hoagie who hangs out at marinas with Ida, his "ol' lady" and has Bruce Lee, an eagle, and a panther painted on the side of his van ; apprentices to board-certified fluffers ; Nipsey Russell enthusiasts ; amputee former jai a'lai champions; Gavin MacLeod stalkers; lastly, a sass-talkin' albino wet-nurse with tattoos of Flip Spiceland on her inner left thigh (notice that says LEFT, so to all of you conniving wannabes with him on your right thighs--for the last time: move along, NOT interested!)
Bob Dylan ; Sly & the Family Stone ; James Brown; Parliament/Funkadelic ; Aretha Frankin (The Atlantic Years) ; Stevie Wonder (c. the 1970s); Prince ; Joni Mitchell (especially Court and Spark); The Atlantic Records History of R&B ; Frank Zappa ; Howlin' Wolf ; Creedence Clearwater Revival/John Fogerty (for his self-titled album primarily) ; The Sex Pistols ; Professor Longhair ; Patti Smith ; Elvises Presley and Costello ; Nick Cave ; Bruce Springsteen ; PJ Harvey ; Tom Waits; 60s girl groups ("Sally Go Round the Roses" by The Jaynettes is one of my favorite songs) ; The Ramones ; countless one-hit-wonder bands and singers from the 50s through the 70s ; fuck, I think I actually answered this almost seriously--here are some others: The Zapruder Footage Original Motion Picture Soundtrack; Stephen Hawking: The Cole Porter Songbook ; Prussian Blue: Live at the Apollo ; Terri Schiavo: Unplugged
Mondo Rondo: The Rondo Hatton Story starring Tony Robbins ; Waterworld (the recent Andrea Yates remake); Here are some others: That Alien Movie with Jack Elam and The Progeria Kid Mac and Me ; Troll 2 ; C.H.O.M.P.S. ; Hangar 18 ; The Oscar starring Stephen Boyd, Tony Bennett, Milton Berle, et. al ; Can Hieronymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe And Find True Happiness? starring Anthony Newley, Georgie Jessel, and Milton Berle Sextette starring Mae West ; Cheaper to Keep Her starring Mac Davis ; Howling III: The Marsupials ; Anything with a moist George Kennedy in a wife-beater. Ibid. Joe Don Baker.(By director, and please forgive the omission of their collaborators, but I'm fucking lazy and have a fresh head wound:) By Alfred Hitchcock: Vertigo ; Frenzy ; Marnie ; Notorious ; Psycho By Orson Welles: Citizen Kane (a shockingly daring choice, I know) ; The Magnificent Ambersons ; Touch of Evil ; others, of course, but those are the essential ones. By Stanley Kubrick: Barry Lyndon ; The Shining ; 2001: A Space Odyssey By Martin Scorsese: Taxi Driver ; Raging Bull ; Goodfellas ; Afterhours ; The King of Comedy--fuck it, all of them (maybe not so much Boxcar Bertha and The Aviator) By Francis Ford Coppola: The Godfather Parts 1 and 2 (though especially 2); Apocalypse Now (initial theatrical cut) ; The Conversation ; Bram Stoker's Dracula Bernardo Bertolucci: Last Tango in Paris , The Conformist Mike Leigh: Naked David Lynch: Eraserhead ; Blue Velvet ; his one-minute Lumiere film George A. Romero: All of the Dead films (especially Dawn); Creepshow Alexandro Jodorowsky: El Topo, The Holy Mountain, Santa Sangre George Lucas: the Star Wars series Federico Fellini: 8 1/2, Juliet of the Spirits, Satyricon, City of Women Stan Brakhage: Mothlight ; The Act of Seeing With One's Own Eyes Jane Campion: Sweetie ; The Piano Jean-Luc Godard: Contempt ; Band of Outsiders; Tout Va Bien ; Every Man For Himself/Slow Motion John Carpenter: Halloween ; Escape from New York ; The Thing ; The Fog ; Big Trouble in Little China John Ford: The Searchers Sergio Leone: The Man With No Name Trilogy ; Once Upon a Time In the West F.W. Murnau: Nosferatu, Faust The Marx Brothers: Duck Soup David Cronenberg: Dead Ringers, Naked Lunch, Crash Michael Powell: The Red Shoes ; The Tales of Hoffman Brian de Palma: Blow Out Rainer Werner Fassbinder: The Merchant of Four Seasons ; Ali: Fear Eats the Soul ; The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant ; Georges Melies: A Trip the the Moon Dario Argento: Suspiria Buster Keaton: Sherlock, Jr. ; Seven Wishes ; The General Jean Renoir: Rules of the Game John Waters: Pink Flamingos, Desperate Living Billy Wilder: Sunset Boulevard Stephen Chow: Kung Fu Hustle Richard Elfman: Forbidden Zone Ray Harryhausen: Every single animated sequence in his films Busby Berkeley: Various production number sequences Maurice Binder, et. al : Opening Credits to the James Bond Films Peter Jackson: Everything Roman Polanski: Repulison ; The Tenant ; Chinatown Joseph Mankiewicz: All About Eve Walt Disney (et. al): Peter Pan ; Beauty and the Beast ; The Lion King Ridley Scott : Alien ; Blade Runner ; The Duellists Jean-Pierre Jeunet: Delicatessen : Amelie Guy Maddin : Tales from the Gimli Hospital Various Others: The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3 ; Kiss Me Deadly ; Dolemite 2: The Human Tornado ; The Wicker Man (original, extended) ; Uncle Vanya (Olivier version); Reanimator ; Cooley High ; L.A. Confidential ; Takashi Miike's films (though perhaps more cumulatively than particular favorites--though Ichi The Killer , Audition, and Visitor Q are up there) ; Les Enfants du Paradis ; Many many others that I shall fill in depending upon my current level of whatever.
Pushing The Envelope--LIVE! starring R. Bud Dwyer ; The Simpsons ; The Sopranos ; Joe Franklin ; Prime Suspect ; I, Claudius ; The Decalogue ; The Singing Detective ; and, of course, Bassmasters (before it got so pretentious).
Touch Me by Suzanne Somers ; All I Need Is Love AKA Kinski Uncut by Klaus Kinski ; Our Bodies, Ourselves: Scratch 'N Sniff Edition by Clem Midia ; Time-Life Handyman's Guide to Autovasectomy by Bob Vila ; Some books I've never read and don't even own but like to mention because it impresses the kind of pseudointellectual hipsters whom I despise so very much: James Joyce: Ulysses ; Marcel Proust: In Search of Lost Time (AKA Remembrance of Things Past) ; William Shakespeare: Hamlet, The Tempest, King Lear, A Midsummer Night's Dream Edward Gorey: Amphigorey (all three) Alan Moore: From Hell, Watchmen, Promethea Vladimir Nabokov: Lolita Ingri and Edgar Parin D'Aulaires: Greek Myths , Norse Gods & Giants (AKA Norse Myths) William Faulkner: The Sound and The Fury, Absalom! Absalom!, As I Lay Dying
James Joyce, Lenny Bruce, John Waters, Alan Moore, William Shakespeare, William Blake, Abe Vigoda