Richard

IN AN ATTEMPT TO SEE IF THIS BOX IS INFINATE I SHALL KEEP TYPING IN IT FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE WITH RANDOM BLETHERINGS AND SUCH FORTH....................................................... ............................................................ ......................................................... WARNING - THE FOLLOWING PASSAGE IS IN NO WAY FUNNY AND WILL NOT MAKE YOU LAUGH. Ok the way i discovered Nick Drake follows...... A couple of years ago i was watching a programme called NYLon. It was a fairly good one-off series involving some guy from London who meets a girl from New York. I'm not really into romantic dramas but this was Ok. I had already visited NY several times before and really missed the place. Mainly because it had a .Now i'm not sure if i'm being paranoid or not but i think my cat only likes me because i feed her and occasionally offer a warm lap for her to sit on. In fact i don't really care what my cat thinks that's assuming it can think. I'm going to the Big Chill tomorrow and i'm just ignoring the fact that i have nothing prepared. ***********************************************************O K its Thursday night. I'm watching 'The Warriors' whilst thinking about possible line ups for the new A-TEAM FILM. So far i've come up with WILLIAM PETERSON (HANNIBAL), ROB LOWE/HUGH JACKMAN (FACE), RYAN REYNOLDS (MURDOCK) and MICHAEL CLARKE DUNCAN (Mr T). Anyway thats not the reason why i'm here although i would love to hear your thoughts (you can't have Jim Carey as Murdock). I've got a limited amount of time because This Week is about to start on BBC1 and i want to see Michael Portillo's anecdotes. It's Friday tomorrow (in fact in about 35 minutes). For some reason i'm really looking forward to it. I was going to a car auction to bid on some vintage 'stop ne and buy one' ice cream bikes but now i can't be bothered. My recent Friday's have recently consisted of me waking up just a shade before lunchtime followed by whiling away the hours trying to eat the bare minimum before the pub opens. Then i go to the pub get drunk quite easily because (A) i'm a lightweight, and (B) i've barely eaten anything. After several pints i ramble on about a load of old crap then get quite controversial by saying things i really should not say. This then followed by staggering to some sort of food establishment, finding a taxi, trying not to spill food in said taxi, succesfully opening my door sometimes locking it behind me, navigating my way to the bedroom in the dark then waking up the next morning a bit confused. I enjoy all this and some what look forward to it. What were the wombles exactly and i had a very short attention-span at school. Must go. Portillo is on. ***********************************************************I 'm in a really good mood today. Why you might ask??? (either that or you really couldn't give a fuck). It's just another typical Monday where the cliffhanger from Fridays Episode of Neighbours shall be resolved, the weather is quite bleak outside and all i have in the fridge to eat is some out of date corned beef. To tell you the truth i'm not even quite sure why i'm in a good mood. It's most probably to do with certain chemicals being released into my brain or some other scientific reason. Either way i'm in a really good mood and if you thought this little tale was going to lead somewhere then you were wrong. ***********************************************************I went to see the Killers the other day in Glasgow. Their music was good. In fact it was very good but....and its a big BUT. Not once did they speak to the crowd or acknowledge the fact that i had paid a ridiculous 140 quid for a pair of tickets. Because of this i can quite confidently and happily say I HATE THE KILLERS. And whilst i'm on the subject of things i hate and/or dislike i might as well include a few more people/things/places that get my goat. I don't actually own a goat but wish i did. Right....OK....I hate crap movies. Not just because they're crap but they steal money from you and even more annoying is the time that is consumed watching them. Example .......... the other day i went to see 'the Number 23' starring Jim Carey and what an absolute pile of fucking shit it was too. Now break it down. I've just been robbed of 6 whole English Pounds which i almost worked hard for. This could have been better spent on Cider, New Socks or stamps so i can send letters to my Nan. The film runs for 95 minutes. Thats 95 minutes of my life that i will never get back. Thats 95 minutes of possible flower arranging, cat stroking, soldering, car revving just gone never to be seen again. Thats 95 minutes that should carry a warning before the film starts stating 'fair play we've got your money now but this film is really crap so leave now with your tail between your legs and do better things with your time'. I really needed to get that off my chest but we really should be allowed to sue cinemas for stealing large portions of our life. Now in brief other things i hate. Tories, Fox Hunters, Fox Hunting Tories, Gypsies - Tinkers - Travellers - Whatever PC BULLSHIT I'M SUPPOSED TO CALL THEM WHEN THEY'RE NICKING MY PLAYSTATION 2, People with broad shoulders, The smell pumped out of KFC, Chris Moyles, Crystal Maze no longer being commisioned by Channel 4, Political Correctness, People who claim Marlon Brando is the best actor ever, Inheritance TAX, Moaning sods with too much time on their hands...**************************************************** *******Now if you've read the above bit i sound like a right grumpy fuckwad. Well just to prove this is not the case there are also things i like, people i get on with and activities i enjoy. For example i really get along with bouncers when i'm drunk. If i ever offer to shake their hand when leaving a night club they always reciporacate the favour. Some people will say they are just coaxing me through the door so that i will leave and those people are probably right. I don't really have a point here and my mind is wondering because i'm tired but not tired enough to go to bed yet. In fact the most pointless things i own are some old vinyl records which i'm never going to use because i don't have a record player. Even more pointless than that is an out of date rum flavoured king size yorkie bar languishing somewhere in my bedroom. I find it now and again but will simply refuse to throw it away until i find some use for it.********************************************************* **I couldn't sleep last night because i was too busy thinking about making a bean and bratwurst toastie sandwich. Well earlier today i made it and it was quite dissapointing.********************************************** *************ABOUT ME.....My favourite drink has to be Dr Pepper but Cherry coke will suffice. Lemon Barley water is ok but i will always prefer Ribena. I've gone right off Ki-Ora since they stopped the adverts and i had a bad incident drinking some at a Village Fete once. I've never tried Um-Bongo but i hear they drink it in the Congo.****************************************************** ***** You just can't beat tuna mayo sarnies with brown bread, lashings of artery blocking butter and of course the most important thing.......CUCUMBER. So imagine my dissapointment the other day. There i was quite merrily mixing a tin of tuna with hellmans mayo (accept no substitute although Lidl's own brand is ok in emergencies). Then i'm spreading lurpak over some freshly baked Sally Lunn Granary. I'm happy. I'm smiling. Nothing can ruin this moment. So still smiling whilst whistling a happy tune i go to the fridge to retrieve the cucumber. I check all the shelves...I can't see it there. I check the salad drawers. Still no sign of it. In pure desperation i check the cheese unit on the fridge door. What was i thinking. It was never going to be there...My smile has now turned to a frown. The happy tune has turned into profanities. I consider using lettuce. I refrain. Panic is now starting to cloud my rational thought patterns. I leave the kitchen, grab my coat then hastily search for the nearest exit. I open the patio door leading onto the rear garden. The cold winter air fills my lungs and instanly calms my anxiety. I sit on the wet dewey grass whilst contemplating my next move. In the undergrowth i can see an earwig. I watch it for a while as it struggles against the grass. As it weaves through what to him must seem like a dense jungle i start laughing to myself. How stupid had i been. Going to pot over a tuna sandwich. Here is a small insignificant bug struggling against what ever nature throws at it. Never questioning its purpose on this planet and never giving up on the pointless tasks that life has presented. I gather myself together, stand up and take a deep breath. I crush the bug into the mud ending its pointless existance and decide that a packet soup will suffice for lunch.****************************************************** *****HAS ANYONE EVER DONE THAT THING WHERE YOU HIT A LOAD OF RANDOM KEYS THEN TRY TO FIND DIFFERENT WORDS IN THE ENSUEING LETTER CARNAGE. WELL I HAVE.........HOW MANY CAN YOU FIND........................................................ ..QIJD,JMCHVBUTROPRVPQZXMPEI832JQHFDSFSLJKELJEH JBHCDJSALIASIK2QILH32130P4ROPRTEOIUKHLBFHLCzKNHLxQsiowqeio49 59o50p498jhhnvfuhbfbvuhydSSuysuye2uy2euyhweuybdfnnfyubehgewy hrewyurewjkbfaduifuiefuiefuifeiurgdinuomop,oii,ionhiouvimisi suyiwquiuyrghseqyerobkcbcaewhtohpn,cnchygtehurogobndfhdysbdg xtxgwvqderzvzbdgtrdtrrehgrujyojlnhpmln,kxjnahygwtwfwyqhuqw cxnhcxbvhyfbhtyhtyhjiyjpjhpjnchhxbhsbqgagzbncnbmguyiupiphkjn mknlfhwtwqreewhuojkbncczdxzreeuyhojjbmnmoiftfswazqsextctsomi knhcewzghsdjmfikhojpbnchctseaqqtwhrjb8ihoiulylbopvmnndfsewrt dfjuiviubujg************************************************ ***********I made a really bad fucking decision the other day. Instead of panicking, i'm laughing instead at Leo Sayers rather racist-ish impersonations on big brother. Right OK. I haven't achieved my GCSE grades in English but lied and said i had. Surely they don't check do they.....Do they!!! AGGHHHHHHHH oh heck a few more can't harm AGGGGHHHHHHHHH. LETS JUST HOPE THEY DON'T KNOW OF MYSPACE***************************************************** ******Well Fuck me what a year (I only swear when writing or if i recently stubbed my toe so don't worry i would never show anyone up in public). It got better going on to good then excellent and still rising. Managed to escape my little harbourside hamlet and headed for Scotland leaving behind a pair of parents, 1 set of friends, 1 cat, 3 pairs of shoes and a George Foreman grill which would have been really useful. Shall keep you posted.......Oh....wait a minute......no i'm back in Weymouth again.....thought that would happen****************************************************** *****It has come to my attention that my myspace page is a little...well....bland. Some people have all these amazing backgrounds with videos and photos plastered everywhere and tons of information spilling out of all the little boxes. Some people have all these amazing links taking you to amazing web pages which can provide you with information you never knew existed. And what do i have? A few lousy photos which i scraped up and the only time i contact people is once in a blue moon which is proboably why i only have a few myspace friends. And none of this is going to change because i'm very very LAZY. If you don't believe me ask everyone i know. I never try hard and literally take the piss with my half arsed attitude to life. I could make it my New Years resolution to change my ways but i can't be bothered. Now i'm not boasting about this. Its just to make people aware. I actually have a stick to turn the light switch off when i'm in bed.