Tim Simmons

Your grave; can you dig it?
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Vital Statistics-
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Name: Alex Michael Schiff
Born: 9/12/87, Westerville, Ohio
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 300 lbs
Hair: Fair
Eyes: Light Brown
Ancestry: German, Swedish, Scottish, English, Dutch
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Equipment-
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Guitar(s): Ibanez RG7620 (black), Schecter C7 Hellraiser (black), Yamaha RGX A2 (white)
Amp: Laney VH100R with JJ E34L tubes
Bass: Yamaha TRB 1005 (quilted maple)
Microphone: Shure Beta 58A
Cables: Mogami, Monster
Picks: Dunlop Jazz III (black)
Soundcard: MOTU 828 MKII Firewire Interface
Amp Modeler(s): Line 6 Pod XT Pro, Bass SansAmp,
Reference Monitors: Alesis M1 Active MkII
Software: Cubase SX, Drumkit From Hell Superior, DFH EZDrummer, Garritan Personal Orchestra, Native Instruments Kontakt Player, Guitar Pro 4, Sibelius 5
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Pets-
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Cats: Muse Von Kittleton (tortoiseshell)
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Begin sarcasm here:
I like to edit the living piss out of my profile, omitting "unsightly" parts like my comments and friends as well as making the text microscopic until it is no longer informative and hence, serves no purpose.
I also like to post a picture of my girlfriend and then type (what I wish were) pithy sentence fragments and/or quotes from songs underneath it expressing my undying love for them despite us only having been together for several weeks. (This is especially odd since I don't have a girlfriend.)
-End sarcasm.
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I'm somewhat obsessive about certain things, which means that I will restrain myself from typing too much here. I have something of a penchant for making lists, as well as alphabetising them.
As you can see, I prefer the British spelling variants of many words, which causes many spellcheckers to annoy me when they tell me I've spelt "colour" wrong. It's called "English" for a reason.
As you also may have noticed, I enjoy arranging my writing by separating ideas into individual paragraphs, as well as further cleaving unwieldy mountains of text with hyphens in groups of three and nine. The reasons for this? One: I really like the numbers three and nine. Two: I like how it looks, and it makes reading my profile easier.
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I'm simultaneously fastidious and sloppy, and have drastic and unprovoked mood swings often segueing into severe bouts of depression, although I prefer to grapple with it without the aid of medication because I am both proud and stubborn.
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I don't abuse any substances, and I put "No" for both smoking and drinking, although I do drink socially extremely infrequently (i.e. once every few months).
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I read Wikipedia constantly, soaking up useless knowledge that usually only benefits me on the rare occasion that I catch "Jeopardy" at dinnertime (I totally rule at it, though.)
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I am large in dimension, both vertically and horizontally. I 'm not merely stout, nor am I morbidly-obese; I find myself in a sort of weight-limbo where I weigh more than most would think, get only slightly winded walking up staircases, and can never tell whether the pictures on my page are deceiving or not.
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I have a large beard which may or may not double as a faux jaw line, as I haven't been clean-shaven in years and remain unsure of whether or not my countenance remains moon-like and undefined beneath this manly face decoration. My head is also gigantic, and wearing hats is nigh impossible.
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I tend to add things to this profile as they pop into my head rather than undertake the Herculean task of attempting to fill it all in at once, so this is a work-in-progress. Unfortunately, asking me to describe myself forces me to walk the delicate line between informative and arrogant (although I tend to cross it quite knowingly and quite often).
I won't try to feign modesty, nor will I blow my own trumpet excessively; I am confident about some things and insecure about others. I remain relatively certain, however, that I have impeccable taste in many areas and make this proclamation regularly. My rationale behind this is that I will like anything that is good, regardless of origin or connotation. My unbiased approach to assessing things, as well as a pigheaded unwillingness to give a rat's ass about the opinions of others makes me an ideal candidate for being right about everything. If you're uncertain as to the quality of something, I offer consultation free of charge.
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I am in a band currently named Ophiuchus, although I am on the hunt for a name that is a little less esoteric and perhaps easier to pronounce. I handle vocals and guitar. You can find the other members of this band in the uppermost tier of my top friends list. You can visit our page by clicking the banner below!
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