I'd like to meet:
Joe Carter
Super Dave Osbourne
Bill And Ted
MC Hammer
Captain Planet
...................and God if I have enough time left over.
PET PEEVES
1. BAND NAMES WITH "WOLF" IN THEM.
Hey I'm in a band and we are called "Wolf something" or "something Wolf". You should totally sign us cause we are playing a kind of music that you have never heard before. What do you mean it's been done? Whatever, ignorant people will think it's new and if we don't make it we can totally just be a theme band for everytime Sam Roberts shows up in his "so 3 years ago" Wolf shirt. (i.e. Wolf Eyes, Wolf Parade, Aids Wolf, Wolf Note, Wolfmother, Wolfenstien, and the other ten wolf bands that started a minute ago).
2. CINNAMON GUM.
I guess you should have thought about eating that garlic bread earlier asshole....oh wait you say you have gum so she won't think you are gross...ooooooohhhhhh it's cinnamon gum so you want to make her hate you forever. Now not only does your breathe stink, it's hot too. Great you'll be sure to get the girl when everytime you talk it's like shitting in her face. Next time skip the garlic bread and don't ever think cinnamon gum will make your breathe nice. Cinnamon gum is to shit breath, as fuel is to fire.
3. WHITTY HOMELESS PEOPLE.
So you think you're pretty funny eh? Real original "Need money for weed" sign. You know it's people like you who .......sometimes I could just.......look when you....... GET A FUCKING JOB ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!
4. PEOPLE WHO CALL ME "TAYLOR".
Are you absolutely fucking brain dead....or what...can..can you not read or something...I dunno. It's not like I have some really abstract name or anything you dumb fuck. I'm so effing mad right now. From now on anyone that fucks my name up is getting it right back. I call it the return to sender technique. "Oh for sure. It's nice to meet you too, DICKWEED".
5. SNORE...ERERSSSS.
Right from the get go here, I'm honestly going to say, I want to break your fucking nose. I could be the most exhausted person in the world and there's no way I'm getting any rest, when the shithead in the other room is going off like a god damn velociraptor. If you are lucky, they may do that "turn over" thing, and stop snoring. Now you know you only have a few minutes to get to sleep. But the second you start drifting off....... BBBBRRRAAAAHH. That mother fucker is back in action?
New rule. If you snore, I kick your throat.
Books:
IKEA instruction manuals.