mrs. jesus

HELLO FRIENDS, MY NAME IS MAGGIE
THIS IS MY STORY.
I have been a lot of things to a lot of people but most importantly I am a recovering prescription drug addict. I have a group on myspace which you can access here: http://groups.myspace.com/pillsanonymous - It's called PILLS ANONYMOUS. I believe that this is my calling, so to speak. I believe that God took me from a prestigious graduate school where I was enrolled in a PHD program and led me to a ghetto apartment in Long Beach, CA, where I was initiated into the illegal drug trade. I was primed for this experience by 1) a lonely, ever-changing childhood landscape, 2) a demanding, impossible-to-please mother that drove me to the 3) demanding, imposssible-to-please world of pious graduate-level learning. Add to that 4) a back injury in college that led me to 5) "friends" and doctors that encouraged me to take prescription pain killers (aka opiates, opioids and narcotics)in a world which requires quick fixes, emotional numbness and a profit margin above all else.
oila! The recipe for early success, a tragic, yet entirely predictable fall from grace, and alas, salvation.
I now can ACCEPT THAT "THEY" DID NOT CARE about me or the PROBABILITY that I would die of the disease of addiction. The "friends" and doctors all saw that I was in trouble and they all ignored it or walked away, even after I called all of them and pleaded with them to help me, as I had no idea how to help myself. I was desperate and now I was alone.
At the end of my disease, I was in that ghetto apartment and taking up to 6 tabs of 80 mg OxyContin daily. I was the walking dead. I couldn't hold down a job, a relationship, a friend, a anything. I ended up getting raped by my drug dealer and then 2 months later, pregnant. I wasn't dead, but I wished I was. I told everyone what he told me. That it was consentual. But the truth is - as I remembered 6 months later -- that HE RAPED ME AFTER HE DRUGGED ME!! I "should" myself to death over this incident. How could I have been so stupid?? I knew he was giving me a pill that I didn't recognize, yet i took and don't remember anything after that.
It took THAT to finally get and stay clean and sober. I think back and realize that I went through all of that b/c took DOCTOR-PRESCRIBED VICODIN for a back injury and I got hooked. I could never have imagined that years later I would be victim of the most horrifying abuse.
TODAY I AM A SURVIVOR!! I AM NO LONGER ANYONE'S VICTIM. IF YOU NEED TO USE MY STRENGTH TO GET YOU THROUGH THE HARD TIMES - THEN USE IT. KNOW THAT BECAUSE I SURVIVED - YOU CAN AND WILL SURVIVE. I lost my life one pill at a time. Now I do that in reverse. I stay clean one pill-free day at time.
IN ADDITION TO PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, I HAVE A MASTER OF ARTS IN PSYCHOLOGY and PROGRAM EVALUATION FROM CLAREMONT GRADUATE UNIVERSITY IN CLAREMONT, CA.. I HAVE WORKED FOR 10+ YEARS IN THE HUMAN SERVICES FIELD. DESPITE ALL MY KNOWLEDGE I COULDN'T HEAL OR HELP MYSELF ("self-knowledge avails us nothing") THE ENCOURAGEMENT OF FELLOW ALCOHOLICS AND ADDICTS, the capacity to be HONEST, COURAGE, AND some FAITH in a God of MY understanding, HAVE GOTTEN ME THROUGH and OUT OF horrifyingly DIFFICULT TIMES. Because I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT!CUREENTLY, THESE ARE MY PRIORITIES: LIVING CLEAN AND SOBER ONE DAY AT A TIME. HELPING OTHERS ACHIEVE RECOVERY. KEEPING THE PEOPLE I LOVE FROM BEING VICTIMS OF THE LEGAL DRUG TRADE -(AKA PRESCRIPTION "MEDICATION") AND WATCHING GOD TRANSFORM THEM INTO PEOPLE OF UNENDING STRENGTH AND POWER. IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE ANYTHING ON US, THINK AGAIN.