GET OFF MY PORCH YOU OLD QUEENS!!!

About Me

So yer in a band, right? And this band has a lovely little website that no one goes to, okay? So then one day, the people who are in control of your bands' website tell your guitar player that there's now some sort of problem with the domain...then they start bitching about money. So your guitar player, knowing full well that you guys are NEVER gonna pay some dipshit money for a website, decides that the best thing to do is cut your losses and run like cattle that happen to be in the path of a hungry Oprah Winfrey, which is what you do...'cept now you find yourself minus Information Superhighway representation...this is not good. So one day your band's practicing, ya know? And in between songs your guitar player tells you that while he's rectifying the situation, he put together a lovely little page on Myspace 'cause that's where all The Kids(TM) are going these days...and you make him repeat himself because you're blown away that he mustered the mental strength to use a word like "rectifying". So you think this is absolute greatness, because now you have a new place to go and tell your band that they're fat and lazy and their songs sound like the sonic equivalent of a rotting bird with full maggots crawling around in what used to be it's bird-brain. So the first time you try, this horrid little page pops up and says you must be a "friend" to leave comments. So now you find yourself with your very own Myspace page and occasionly stop by to change things when the alcohol kicks in...

My Interests

Beer and music...and masturbating...constantly. Wouldn't that go under background and lifestyle? Oh, well...and this...

I'd like to meet:

Suicidal autistic former delinquent bank robbers from Compton...we also need to send the idiots from The View to Cuba, and call it the New Bay of Pigs...

"In a world without leaders, who'd start all the wars?...kill the president, listen to the voice of reason..."-The Offspring, "Kill The President"

Music:

Random sampling of the (mostly) punk rock CD and cassette and vinyl record collection...Descendents-"Two Things At Once"...No Use For A Name-"Hard Rock Bottom"...Rudimentary Peni-"The EPs of RP"...Nirvana-"Unplugged In New York"...Joe Cocker-"With A Little Help From My Friends"...Pennywise-"Pennywise"...NOFX_"S&M Airlines"...Subhumans-"The Day The Country Died"...Litmus Green-"It Must Suck To Be You"...Stone Temple Pilots-"Core"...Guttermouth-"Teri Yakimoto"...Bob Dylan-"The Freewheelin'"...The Slanderin'-"Psychobilly Rules".

Movies:

Arab Woman gives Muslims a Thrashing

Arab-American Psycologist, Wafa Sultan on Al Jazeera TV, Feburary 21, 2006

Television:

I just found this new show...well it's 15 years old but it's new to me, and I'm not gonna tell you about it because you need to find it for yourself...you just ruined the sanctity of my cheek...

Books:

I don't read books very often...not that I'm trying to sound proud of being an unread loser, I just read magazines and newspapers more than books. I don't even remember the last book I read...probably "Everything's Eventual" by Stephen King. Stephen King's short stories don't get the proper respect due to them in my humble opinion...not that you care. Actually my favorite thing of Stephen King's is a short story. It's called "Dolan's Cadillac" and I believe it's in "Nightmares and Dreamscapes". I could be wrong. Anyway, people should read more, 'cause not having to deal with complete blithering idiots everyday would be really nice. Books are for smartmaking. My cat's breath smells like cat food. Beavis likes cereal...

Heroes:

Apu from Kwik-E-Mart, the guy that was gonna get kicked out of the supermarket for farting too much and he told them "For farting? FARTING?!?! You should see what I just did to your daughter's boobies." Also, the dirty Asian Lincoln Heights bum.

My Blog

Clear the mess...and start again...

So I've erased all the shit I've ever written...mainly 'cause I'm gonna write a column for a punk magazine in New York, and if they think I'm good enough to keep going, I wanna be able to steal my own...
Posted by GET OFF MY PORCH YOU OLD QUEENS!!! on Mon, 02 Jul 2007 08:02:00 PST