''THE WORLD 'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE!'
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said: 'NO!' And the girl lived happily ever-after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theater, never watched
sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.
The End
Well, guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don't know... I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. No, don't sue me... that's the opposite of the point I'm trying to make.
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
Have I ever been to jail? Well, last March my cousin accused me of stealing her baby. I just wanted to hold it, for a few days, in Mexico, rename it, cut and dye its hair, tattoo things on its pretty little toes. It was all just a huge mistake.
Welp, here's a little about me: I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and free hot dogs from Jonathan and Fransico from their hot dog stand outside Neighbours. Mmmm Hot Dog. I also like watching The Wheel and Jeopardy. Its my dream one day to be on The Wheel with Amber for the Best Friends edition.
"The great thing about sleeping with a miget is that first you get to have sex with them and then you can use them as a pillow. Those little migets have it so easy. Sometimes when I see one, I want to chase it. I don't want to scare them, but I want to hold them and cuddle them. Mostly I would like one for the carpool lane. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: If you want something bad enough, you just have to go after it."
-Chelsea Handler
Come on! Give me the booze you little pumpkin pie hair-cutted freak! Come on!
I work at an escrow office, but this isn't my real job, you know. Nope! My friend Harry and I are saving up money for a pet store. I got worms! That's what we're gonna call it. I got worms! We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms?
