Jeff profile picture

Jeff

Dr. Bitch Mother Fuckers

About Me

Are YOU looking for a high-powered biomolecular engineer for your kid's next birthday/bar mitzvah?Look no further, vitaOther than that, I'm just your average renegade scientist, hell-bent on using his honed intellect and razor sharp wit to destroy corporate greed and make the world safer for grundles everywhere. also I bullshit alot.

My Interests

Biotechnology, politics, economics, physics, cheap jokes, cartoons, jager bombs, yuengling, car bombs, bus bombs, beer pong, throwing parties that cause structural damage to my house. Drunkenly peeing from my ivory tower, east coast uber-elite ivy league perch.

I'd like to meet:

Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn, Greg Graffin, Ralph Nader, kirsten dunst (only for raping purposes).Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin (to hate-fuck), Rush Limbaugh (to score some sweet dope), Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly and Pat Robertson (to burn Bibles with)

Music:

NOFX, Bad Religion, Pennywise, Social Distortion, old Green Day, Less than Jake, Five Iron Frenzy, Goldfinger, Misfits, etc etc.

Movies:

Red Violin, Big Lebowski, the Kevin Smith set, Monty Python...all of them, Old School, Southpark, Princess Bride, PCU, Cruel Intentions, Can't Hardly Wait, Rules of Attraction, Fight Club, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Indiana Jones set, Back to the Future set, Evil Dead 2/Army of Darkness, plus a million more

Television:

law and order, old scrubs, house md, cartoons, whatever HBO tells me to watch. everything else sucks on tv

Books:

Understanding Power, Hegemony or Survival, A People's History of the United States, Isaac Asimov's Guide to the Bible, The Fountain Head, 1984, The End of Faith, Freakanomics, The F.A.C.E. that Demonstrates the Farce of Evolution (great for laughs), Actually anything from a christian revivalist/evangelical is worth a read for the laughs, Red Dwarf, Better Than Life

Heroes:

Frank "Can drink more than anyother man alive" Colborn

My Blog

Civic Duty

I got a federal jury summons today.  That'll learn me for voting.
Posted by Jeff on Fri, 02 May 2008 09:54:00 PST

EPIC

Man gets drunk and defects to North Korea
Posted by Jeff on Mon, 07 Apr 2008 06:37:00 PST

Dear Phillies

Why do you always suck so much in April?  You know the games count right?UPDATE - So apparently the Phillies came back and won in dramatic fashion.  Aren’t I the shmuck
Posted by Jeff on Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:26:00 PST

Boredom

Ironic reminder that I live amongst the nerds: Two guys were debating the merits and drawbacks of capitalism.  I overheard this while standing behind them in line at Taco Bell.  ...
Posted by Jeff on Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:32:00 PST

The greatest loophole ever

Bar has 'Theater' nights were all the patrons are actors and cigarettes are propsTotal genius
Posted by Jeff on Wed, 05 Mar 2008 03:52:00 PST

Nobody puts Pancreas in the corner!

I stole that line from the interwebs.  I might be unoriginal but atleast I'm not dying from pancreatic cancer like Patrick Swayze A cruel way to shuffle off this world or divine retribution for ...
Posted by Jeff on Wed, 05 Mar 2008 09:33:00 PST

ZOMG EVIL CORPORATIONS

Fun fact, Exxon/Mobil still hasn't paid the punitive damages for spurting its slick load all over the Alaskan coastline.  In 1989.  Exxon dragged this shit out for so long that it has landed...
Posted by Jeff on Thu, 28 Feb 2008 12:34:00 PST

Celebrating Failure

So Bristol Myers Squibb gave me the big fat no yesterday.  In today's job market this is what it takes to get rejected: -October 2004   apply for position, no interview -October 2005...
Posted by Jeff on Thu, 21 Feb 2008 01:13:00 PST

BOOBS

So Lindsay Lohan did a topless photoshoot here.  Her boobs are big.  2005 Jeff thanks nymagazine whole-heartedly.  The set is in homage to Marilyn Monroe's last photoshoot.  Is t...
Posted by Jeff on Mon, 18 Feb 2008 10:45:00 PST

wet dreams

i like men. i try to hide it so many times but i just cant. i just love men. i love the way they taste and the way they feel deep inside. it just makes me have so many wet dreams. sorry jenUPDATE - La...
Posted by Jeff on Sun, 17 Feb 2008 06:08:00 PST