IF YOU'RE A HUMAN THAT WANTS TO ADD ME, READ THE PROFILE FIRST. IT'S REALLY NOT THAT LONG. IF YOU'RE A BAND, AND I DON'T HAVE MORE THAN 5 BANDS ON MY MUSIC LIST THAT SOUND LIKE YOU, DON'T ADD ME. I WILL TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU SUCK AND YOUR SHOW IS TOTALLY CANCELLED.
I DO NOT ADD PEOPLE WITH GOOFY LETTERS FOR THEIR FAKE GANG IN THEIR USERNAME... IF YOU GOT THIS GOING ON, I'M JUST NOT ADDING YOU. IF YOUR PROFILE IS SET TO PRIVATE, AND YOU ADD ME, YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE I WON'T ADD YOU UNLESS YOUR MESSAGE ME WITH INFO ON YOURSELF AND PICTURES. GIVE ME A BREAK. Y'ALL SUCK.
I am Michael. I am 20 and I'm not buying you porn or cigarettes. I play music. I listen to a lot of music as well... my favorites right now are Emmure, Behemoth, Stolen Babies, Dredg, Gym Class Heroes, Amy Winehouse, Dimmu Borgir, Kottonmouth Kings, Dieselboy, and the Human Abstract. I play drums for a metal/beatdown hardcore band called Midnight America. I write poetry/lyrics/stories/scripts. I have a 300-something-page book of prose. I play guitar, bass, drums, a little piano, I sing... my family is music.
I have a fucking amazing girlfriend. I'm not going to type 30-odd random sentences about how much she means to me. All I'll say is that without her I wouldn't know what to do every day. Her name is Kateryn Silva Molina Guerrero Santana Molina Castiblanco and she's pure 100% uncut Colombian. And I love her a lot. Look how jealous you are. :]
You don't have to be way fucking cool to talk to me, but I'm a very important person and don't have time for idiots. Heaven knows I already have to cope with the one running the country... but anyway.
THERE ARE CONDITIONS IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME. FUCKING READ THEM YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT.
A. FOREMOST. Don't overlook this, or SO HELP ME, I will make fun of you in public. Don't add me unless 1. I know you or 2. you're some sort of an intellectual that can hold a conversation. B. 1. I'm not looking to CyB3rRz or to hook up with a leet "1nT3rN3t g/f". 2. If you can't type properly, just don't ever talk to me. I'll mock you and you won't get it at first... and then you'll feel really dumb. C. Don't add me if you're a gay boy expecting a quick lay, because that's not going to happen... I don't mean to sound conceited in the least bit, but it happens all the goddamned time. D. Seriously guys. Come on. If we don't have any REAL similar interests (i.e. besides two bands and a fucking shirt)... don't waste your time trying to talk to me, because if we have nothing to talk about, there will be no conversation. Finally, and I exaggerate this one to the fullest extent of my being, E. If you are white trash, and you KNOW who you are, don't even message me to ASK if you can add me, because I hate your kind and what you represent. Go to hell and stay there.
If you're going to send me a message with "fuck you" in the subject line, try to make the body interesting... if anything, base it off more than "what a dick." I'd rather read something with a thought process attached to it; at least then you won't be shrinking down to a class fitting for everyone I listed above. In other words, hate me all you want, as long as you have a reason. If you don't...
You're a giant douche!
On that note, don't even bother sending me a message if you're located across a big fucking ocean. It makes it harder to spit in your dumb face. Have the decency to at least come to my country and talk shit.
I graduated from high school and the rest of the kids I graduated with still act like they're in middle school. Whatever. This town is drama, and like it or not, you're sucked in. I have a handful of cool fucking friends, and two handfuls of bitter enemies. (I have three hands.) There's no in-between with me. You like me or you don't. In closing...
Fuck your goddamned mother, all of you.
Oh, and fuck a comment,
send me a goddamned message.
P.S. I lied. The only people who shouldn't add me are the ones who take this shit seriously. If I've offended you, then my work here is done.
