Leland

Everything About You!
Basic Information
Name: Leland
Gender: Male
Birthdate: May 28, 1984
Current Location: Shepherdsville, KY
Appearance
Build: Slim / Petite
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Brown
Best Feature: What? it's all good :-D
Your...
Greatest Fear: Rather not say
Greatest Weakness: Quoting Family Guy, Futurama, ATHF way too much... and redheads
Favorite Hobby: Video Games
Greatest Achievement: Too many to list
Do you...
Smoke: Yes
Drink: Socially
Do Drugs: Not Anymore
Have You...
Been in Love: Yes
Been Dumped: No
Dumped Someone: No
Ever Stolen: Way back when
Ever Had Sex: Maybe
I bought a doughnut from a store and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. Man, I'll just give you money, then you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home, in the file... under D for doughnut.Kinko's is my favorite copy place 'cause it's open 24 hours. Like, if it's three in the morning, and I suddenly decide I need two of something, I'm covered. Sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat: "Shit... oh yeah, Kinko's... alright, that will not remain singular."Acid was my favorite drug. Acid opened up my mind. Because of acid I now know that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit.This is gunna blow my cover but I like the FedEx driver because he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it. And he's always on time. I like my drugs to have a tracking number. Then when my friend says, "Mitch, where's the drugs?" I just say, "Call the 1-800 number." Your drugs were loaded onto a van at 7:30 AM and will arrive on time. Perfect, that's what I paid for.I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey "Man, just be yourself. I already like you, little brother. You do not need to emulate the other animals. I used to draw you." (Stares at hand.) Man, if you were missing a couple of fingers, you drew one fucked-up turkey. You'd be like, "That turkey's been in an accident."I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It'd be so damn literal. "Hey, you're using that machine to its exact purpose!"I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be a "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, only "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.Whenever I walk people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying "Here, you throw this away."If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible...I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...I think they could take sesame seeds off the market, and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine five years from now saying, "Damn, remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!" They're gonna have to change that McDonald's song, "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a ... bun." How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? Thats fucking magical! There's got to be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Take the sesame seed out, remove the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular! What does a sesame seed grow into? I dunno, we never give them a chance. What the fuck is a sesame? It's a street. It's a way to open... shit.I'm not into sports. I mean, I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes.