what the hell is LAST CALL anyway??, las vegas, baby.
Not so long ago, in a galaxy not too terribly far away, the destruction of the “Planet D?†was imminent. The loving parents of a promising newborn packed their only son into a vehicle capable of leaving their doomed world, in search of a world in which their infant could thrive. After travelling 835 light years across the cosmos, the vehicle crash-landed in the dry, dusty outback of west Texas. The baby was taken in and raised by a strange, nomadic peyote eating couple who sought to parent this baby as their own. In time, the couple began to recognize the alien nature of this young boy and became scared. They noticed that everything he touched would somehow mysteriously break, and how he would avoid direct contact with sunlight at all costs. The neighbors' suspicion began to grow. Rampant rumors circulated about vampire-ism, mental retardation, and even secret genetic experiments. The family soon fled Texas for the culture shock of a lifetime: the freezing, polar-opposite wakeup call of Canada.
The transition from "y'all!" to "eh?" was enough for the alien boy's strained mind to snap. His parents decided to just tell everyone from then on that he was "special." Since then, Tommy has stayed on the move, and learned to sing & play several instruments, in order to avoid suspicion and to confuse the IRS agents. He always maintains a stable of strange jobs that currently include professional unicycle basketball, photojournalism, live sound tech, personal assistant and divorce arbiter. He lives under the constant fear of the omniscient "phone police," and apparently won't watch TV except for "Chimp Channel." He is a tough individual to understand, as his thought processes are so different from human. However, once he landed in Baltimore, USA he met his soulmate lover – the luscious and mysterious Liz Lynx (aka Jade Star) a super-genius exotic hottie. Together the pair set about and still continues their various adventures in filmmaking, general merriment, travel, appletini drinking and conquests of cute open-minded asian girls. When the pair are not in their private suite atop the Luxor in Las Vegas or partying till dawn in upscale swinger clubs, they can be found as city dwellers in the realm of Las Vegas. Distant speculation has it that Tommy actually returned to his own world a few years ago, and is only represented here by a hologram. The best advice, unless you are into adventure & sex, is to keep your distance. Once engaged in conversation - it cannot be stopped. so, we will relate to you the only reported description we have of this strange specimen known as Tommy: beware a short, vampire-leprechaun-alien, with long hair that looks like a maniacal cross between a young Ed Van Halen and Punky Brewster.-from the AP Wire Service, 2005
this profile was edited with yer mom's sex toy
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