Jack of All Trades, Master of None profile picture

Jack of All Trades, Master of None

By the pricking of my thumbs, this doesn't rhyme.

About Me

Some of the best things in life are bizarre and random. I've been to Wall Drug, I've seen the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota, I've been inside the Spam Museum, and there will be many more adventures on the same level. I like cartoons. I'm funny. Uh...............words. My goal is to just be doing creative stuff, whether it's writing, drawing, acting, directing, whatever. I'll talk to damn near anyone so if you want to drop me a line you can find me: AIM - ConfusitronOne, Yahoo - gekko_gemini. Please keep in mind while chatting that punctuation is our friend. Thank you. Also, I have the terrible habit of giggling every time I see a cowboy hat. And sometimes if someone just says those words. Haha Cowboy hat.Did I mention I have a website ? Cuz, ya know, I do.
Also, cheese in a can is the best invention in the history of ever. Seriously.
And now learn more about me than you ever cared to know!
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Josh Shoberg
Birthday: 05/29/1979
Birthplace: Minnesota, eh?
Current Location: Durango, CO
Eye Color: Hazelish, but it fluctuates.
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 5'9"ish
Right Handed or Left Handed: Righty
Your Heritage: Scottish, Swedish, Norweigan, Polish and German
The Shoes You Wore Today: They're green and orange and white and I love them.
Your Weakness: Swiss Cake Rolls. And Kryptonite.
Your Fears: Swiss Cake Rolls made out of Kryptonite.
Your Perfect Pizza: Garlic Chicken from Papa Murphy's sans tomatoes.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Start some more schooling.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "Werd"
Thoughts First Waking Up: Why did I just dream about robbing a stagecoach?
Your Best Physical Feature: My right arm.
Your Bedtime: Whenever.
Your Most Missed Memory: A tire swing.
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi, though I try not to drink a lot of soda.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Eh.
Single or Group Dates: Single.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Arizona.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Depends on the substance.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Pass.
Do you Smoke: Quit 6 years ago.
Do you Swear: Probably more than I should.
Do you Sing: Not in front of others.
Do you Shower Daily: Usually.
Have you Been in Love: Yeppers.
Do you want to go to College: Did and will again.
Do you want to get Married: Eventually.
Do you belive in yourself: I try to.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Not often.
Do you think you are Attractive: Sometimes.
Are you a Health Freak: Good lord, no.
Do you get along with your Parents: Now that they don't try to be parents.
Do you like Thunderstorms: LOVE them.
Do you play an Instrument: Guitar, but not too well.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes.
In the past month have you Smoked: No.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nope.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: 'Fraid not.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: I bought a book.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nope.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Oh, yes. I love sushi.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Nope.
In the past month have you been Dumped: Nope.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Nope.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Nope.
Ever been Drunk: Yes.
Ever been called a Tease: Not that I recall.
Ever been Beaten up: Nah.
Ever Shoplifted: When I was a kid.
How do you want to Die: When I see my friend Josh holding a video camera and I'm in a bad situation, I'll know it's time.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A Toys R Us kid.
What country would you most like to Visit: I would love to see the heads on Easter Island, but I'll be damned if I can remember what country that's in now.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Green.
Favourite Hair Color: Brunette usually.
Short or Long Hair: Don't care.
Height: Any.
Weight: Whatever.
Best Clothing Style: The style where they wear what they want.
Number of Drugs I have taken: 1
Number of CDs I own: A hell of a lot.
Number of Piercings: Zero.
Number of Tattoos: Also zero.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: I try to learn from those things, but there are a small handful.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

My Interests

Reading, writing, drawing, watching movies, making movies, acting, watching cartoons, working on my website, playing guitar...I'm a creative superstar. Which is a term I just created. Anyone who uses this term from here forward owes me a dollar. Bowling and mini golf are two of the coolest things in the world. Air hockey is also one of the greatest games ever. I am the air hockey master. You should all bow to me because of this. No, seriously. Foosball is pretty damn cool also. And pool. Those I am less good at. The end.

I'd like to meet:

People who are intelligent and humorous. Someone who will crack out on my 8-Bit Nintendo of Coolness. Someone who will challenge me to a duel in Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots.

Music:

Mostly heavier stuff, preferably with minimal screaming. Tool is my favorite band.

Movies:

Most 80's movies (Monster Squad, Flight of the Navigator, Gleaming the Cube, Explorers...you get the idea), The Butterfly Effect, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Big Fish, Ghostbusters, Army of Darkness, UHF, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Kung Pow: Enter the Fist...There are so many movies that I like it's hard to narrow them down, especially when I've seen well over 2000 movies. I like comedies. I love movies that will challenge my brain and make me think, though some of the ones lately have been rather easy to figure out. I'm a sucker for just about anything that has to do with time travel, though Timeline (which was based on one of my favorite books) was a god awful train wreck of cinematic ass.

Television:

Mystery Science Theater 3000, most cartoons (I'm obsessed with the Ninja Turtles and most 80's cartoons), and anything having to do with forensic science. That stuff fascinates me to no end.

Books:

Swan Song by Robert McCammon, a vast majority of Dean Koontz, some Stephen King, and Douglas Adams.

Heroes:

He-man. He taught the world you can wear fuzzy underpants and still kick some ass.

My Blog

The long overdue summary of the hellishness of moving.

I'll leave out the annoying details like picking up a copy of Team America at a gas station we stopped at and focus on all the fun.  Ready?  Here goes! Sunday: You can imagine my surprise wh...
Posted by Jack of All Trades, Master of None on Wed, 18 Jun 2008 08:29:00 PST

This is why I love my coworkers.

Nathan Tregillus [2:31 PM]: can fix Josh Shoberg [2:31 PM]: Cool. CRing right now! Nathan Tregillus [2:31 PM]: CR away Nathan Tregillus [2:31 PM]: i like Casing better through Nathan Tregillus [2...
Posted by Jack of All Trades, Master of None on Thu, 29 Nov 2007 01:39:00 PST

I like ice cream with stuff in it.

It makes me feel like an archeologist. "Good heavens!  It's ancient cookie dough!  I must do a thorough carbon dating IN MY STOMACH!  NAHM NAHM NAHM."
Posted by Jack of All Trades, Master of None on Tue, 06 Nov 2007 01:44:00 PST

I thought of a great name for the son I will eventually have.

Anakin Batman Shoberg. I mean, come on!  Imagine how infinitely bad ass Batman would be with Force powers!  My son will be UNSTOPPABLE!
Posted by Jack of All Trades, Master of None on Mon, 08 Oct 2007 09:16:00 PST

Another Random Happenstance.

How these weird things happen to me I'll never know.  This one isn't bad or good, it's just...there.  A lot of the things that happen to me can fall into this category, but still, I rarely h...
Posted by Jack of All Trades, Master of None on Thu, 27 Sep 2007 10:08:00 PST

Please. Shut. Up.

I'm a pretty easy-going person.  Most everyone knows that about me.  But I have to admit, there's something that's been seriously getting on my nerves for a while now so I'm just gonna come ...
Posted by Jack of All Trades, Master of None on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 09:16:00 PST

I would never have guessed.

I went out to lunch today with my buddy Lucas to a Chinese place here in town.  Now, fortune cookies, when I was but a wee lad, were a lot of fun.  As I got older I saw less and less into th...
Posted by Jack of All Trades, Master of None on Thu, 21 Jun 2007 12:35:00 PST

Do not debate the physics of Kriss Kross

Everyone remember Kriss Kross?  The Mack Dad and Daddy Mack that would make you jump jump?  And what's the first thing that comes to mind?  That's right! Backwards pants. So today at wo...
Posted by Jack of All Trades, Master of None on Wed, 20 Jun 2007 03:38:00 PST

Weight of the World

No, this isn't actually a post about the mass of the Earth, but for those that are curious here's the answer: discounting the irony that gravity, which creates weight, is actually formed at the center...
Posted by Jack of All Trades, Master of None on Tue, 19 Jun 2007 09:49:00 PST

HOLY BAJESUS!

MONSTER SQUAD IS OUT ON DVD AND BECAUSE OF THIS MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK AND I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW YOU USE PROPER GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION BECAUSE HOLY MOTHER OF GOD AM I EXCITED.In retrospect, despite b...
Posted by Jack of All Trades, Master of None on Mon, 18 Jun 2007 02:29:00 PST