Steve profile picture

Steve

I've never seen anything this beautiful in the entire galaxy. Alright, give me the bomb!

About Me

I'm pretty much just like Robocop, except my targeting computer is set up differently.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Duh. Next question.
Birthday: It's in November
Birthplace: Iowa City, Iowa. It's like I never left.
Current Location: Iowa City, Iowa. See? You're a dick for not listening to me.
Eye Color: I can't see them.
Hair Color: Brown without blonde highlights.
Height: I'm taller than Barry Sanders but shorter than Walter Payton.
Right Handed or Left Handed: The proper hand.
Your Heritage: I am the last of my line.
The Shoes You Wore Today: I didn't leave the house.
Your Weakness: Extreme blood loss; damage to spinal column; cardial infarction; brain death.
Your Fears: Going to the mall within 4-5 weeks on either side of christmas.
Your Perfect Pizza: A pepperoni pizza with a gun on top of it.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Not dying; finding a bag of money; catching elusive "Bigfoot"; killing elusive "Bigfoot."
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Leave me alone. What is this stupid box? Who are you? Eat 8 dicks.
Thoughts First Waking Up: Whose body am I in? What wrong do I have to right in this body before I can make my next leap, which hopefully will be the leap home?
Your Best Physical Feature: My reaction time. It has saved my life. Does it have to be visible?
Your Bedtime: It gets later every night. It's a vicious cycle.
Your Most Missed Memory: Purplesaurus Rex Kool-Aid.
Pepsi or Coke: RC, obviously.
MacDonalds or Burger King: It's McDonald's, not MacDonalds. There's no "A" and there's an apostrophe.
Single or Group Dates: What? Gross.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Cranberry juice. Who drinks tea?
Chocolate or Vanilla: In what context? In a shake, chocolate. In a Nilla Wafer, probably vanilla.
Cappuccino or Coffee: I don't drink hot drinks. They burn mouths. That's not a joke.
Do you Smoke: Cigarettes, no. Rival MC's, yes.
Do you Swear: It would be so easy to make a joke in this space where I swear a bunch.
Do you Sing: Extremely poorly, unless I'm imitating Morrissey or Robert Plant, and then slightly less poorly.
Do you Shower Daily: Have you been looking in the window? Would you?
Have you Been in Love: Thanks for bringing that up, shitbird.
Do you want to go to College: I already did. Twice.
Do you want to get Married: I think the real question is, do YOU want to get married? Why am I kneeling? What's this box in my hand? Well, open it up!
Do you belive in yourself: I am convinced I am real. Existentialism is an interesting theory, but lacks application in everyday life.
Do you get Motion Sickness: I don't get motion sickness; motion gets Steve-sickness.
Do you think you are Attractive: Do YOU think I'm attractive? Wanna make out?
Are you a Health Freak: My favorite foods are taco pizza and cool ranch doritos.
Do you get along with your Parents:
Do you like Thunderstorms: I fucking LOVE thunderstorms! They're the ONLY way to go if you want to see lightning and hear thunder.
Do you play an Instrument: Everybody plays an instrument.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: How do you expect me to remember everything I do or don't do? I either drank alcohol or vacuumed my house.
In the past month have you Smoked: Cigarettes, no. Rival MC's, yes. How many times do I have to say it?
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Day-quil and Advil. How's that for full disclosure?
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Again, thanks for reminding me. Awesome.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: I have driven past two.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No, and what the fuck? They come in a bag.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I have never eaten sushi, but I already know what my response will be to it: "It's OK." Then I will eat a hamburger.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Rush says "All the world's indeed a stage", and you'd do well to remember it, my lad.
In the past month have you been Dumped: In my mind, I've been dumped twenty times already TODAY.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: I am right now.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Only about 50 hearts. From area hospitals.
Ever been Drunk: Once, at the elementary school fair. Wait, did you say "dunked"?
Ever been called a Tease: Not until you did just now.
Ever been Beaten up: I have been beaten down.
Ever Shoplifted: The aforementioned 50 hearts.
How do you want to Die: Finally: a good question. Get this: I want to die by landing a helicopter on the roof of this building in an oceanside city, right? And there's this bomb on top of the building, and I put the bomb in the helicopter and fly it out over the ocean, and then BOOM! Now that's a goddamn death. Either that, or in a battle between me, a shark, and an octopus.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A perpetual child. Anybody who knows me will tell you that I have achieved my goal.
What country would you most like to Visit: Space.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Two of them, and both gazing deeply into mine and silently mouthing the words, "let's french."
Favourite Hair Color: Same as the last answer, but about hair.
Short or Long Hair: " " " " " .
Height: This is getting a bit specific.
Weight: Now it's creepy. Please stop.
Best Clothing Style: Off! Ha! You know what I'm talking about, right?!?! Seriously, though, you DO know what I'm talking about, right?
Number of Drugs I have taken: As stated earlier, day-quil and advil. Also, when I tore a muscle in my shoulder, I had a steroid injection.
Number of CDs I own: Quit casing my house.
Number of Piercings: I have a piece of a staple embedded in the bone of my left thumb, and one time I wrecked my bike, and the frame snapped and part of it went into my right thigh.
Number of Tattoos: A butterfly on my lower back, and two stars on my hips.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: How many things have I done? Well, that number minus two: the time I went to the Mortal Kombat movie on opening night, and the time I tried that grape Mountain Dew. Wait...scratch that first one. Just the Mountain Dew one, and everything else is a regret.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

My Interests

The same as anybody else: looting and pillaging. I mean, it IS the late 13th century, after all. This is kind of awesome, too:

I'd like to meet:

The very definition of a "mean team".

Music:

It's pretty cool, I guess. But you know what I really like? Mus1c! It's kind of like regular music, but better. Like, instead of putting some crappy piece of plastic and foil into a machine with a laser in it, you have this other machine that generates a simulated image of a disc (you can get these cool lenses that make it different colors and stuff), but the simulated image actually contains these nano-molecules with information digitally encoded on them, and then the machine "inserts" the image (it's kind of like an intelligent hologram) into this other machine that looks like a CD player, but has different stuff inside it. That machine processes the nano-molecules into their component particles, and rearranges the particles into wave-forms that mimic the motion of traditional soundwaves. Those processed wave-forms get shot out of a series of tiny holes on the top of the machine. Oh, wait: I forgot to mention that the wave-forms pass through a prism that links each particle with a photon of a corresponding color. That way, when the wave-forms come out of the holes on top of the machine, they look like thin fibers of pure color. But they're actually fibers of pure color AND SOUND! See? Oh, also, you have to wear this special headset that acts as a collector for the wave-forms. The headset has these pieces that fit into your ear canals to prevent signal loss. So the wave-forms enter the collector-devices on the headset, and get separated into thousands of discreet channels of audio information (the headset is pre-tuned for your body's preferred equalization settings), where they are transmitted directly onto your eardrum. It's like the musicians are playing a show INSIDE YOUR HEAD! Is that cool or what?Yeah, move over, grandpa; your cds and records and stuff are like the dinosaurs, and Mus1c is like either a huge comet, or an ice age, or an omnipotent being that placed the fossilized remains of your music formats on earth as a test of your faith.

Movies:

Oh, no. I think we've had quite enough of those.

Television:

I sure do. Own one, I mean.

Books:

Anything with an oversized cat or dog in it. So, basically, The Master and Margarita and the Clifford series.

Heroes:

Buckaroo Banzai and that guy who ran onto the field with his girlfriend during a rain delay at a Cincinnati Reds game, climbed the fence, and proposed to her in the grassy area beyond centerfield. Oh, and this guy: "It's a trap!"