110% AWESOME.
Real-life conversations with strangers:
Stranger: "Hey, what are you doing later?"
Me: "Going home and going to sleep."
Stranger: "You're boring."
Me: "Yeah, I am."
PARTY 'TIL YOU PUKE 2007!!!!! Current score: Girls 11 (?!), Boys 6.
Personal tally: 0.
Dodgers' record in 2007 when I was in attendance: 2 - 3
Kings' record this season when I am in attendance: 1-0-0
Body language:
"I’m putting on the beer goggles and going in." (For God’s sake, stop me.)
"If I do one more shot I will vomit. So make it a good one."
In no particular order: baseball (go Dodgers!!!); football (go Steelers!!!); poker; gin Tanqueray & tonic (I think I've finally graduated from well-drinks); dancing; bars (such as Footsies, Short Stop, Capri); beer (Newcastle, Fosters, Red Stripe, Widers -- which I guess is technically a cider but whatever); inappropriate dance outbursts; Hooters (for WINGS AND FRIES); bicycling; music non-stop; comedy jams; lamenting the demise of record stores; buying CDs; not downloading anything, ever; the art of music criticism; acting a fool; jokes and jokes and jokes; working all the time; my top 8 is love aka my family; napping on Saturday afternoons after work; sleeping in on Sundays until well past noon; the cities of Hollywood, Eagle Rock, Echo Park and Covina; driving; car washes; shots of Jack to rally; flipping coins; Boyzone; numerical sobriety checkpoints; all-time carpool captain; my racoon mask of easy drunkenness; medium-rare steak; oatmeal-raisin cookies; the Los Angeles Times; being an easy target for mockery; smoking Camel Lights, but only when tipsy or more, so as to keep it "social"; always having a good time because it's not about what you're doing, it's about who you're with; commitment-phobe; only-child; my fragile family tree (the understatement of the century); public, private and finally home-schooled; opinionated; diplomatic; bad with phones; not getting any younger; always so nostalgic; a piercing cackle of a laugh; 2 weeks in High Point, North Carolina every March and October; livin' single in a 2-bedroom; karaoke jams; glass half-full optimism (most of the time).
Inquire within for more details. Subject to change without notice. Can not be combined with other offers. All sales final.
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Have you ever missed your girl so much you followed her, only to find out she was steppin' out on you with some alley-cat-coat-wearing,
punch-bucket-shoe-wearing crumbcake? If you haven't been there, you will someday. And when that day comes, you need to be prepared. Do NOT follow that first impulse and do a Rambo and flat-blast both of them. Take a deep breath and chill. Then, get some hot chocolate on the stove and let Oran "Juice" Jones show you step-by-step how to teach her a valuable lesson she'll never forget:
