abigail

in lyfe, pple meet up wid their very own ups n downs.ryte now im strugglin wid mine.thru tym, i realised im dis ugly pathtic fellow.extremely stupid. which sums up to why im often bein called DUMB. i haf a short fuze. cant take jokes. n flare up at pple pretty often. cocky and rude u might say. wanted by nobody is an understatement. im a real slacker. wid a heck care attitude. i fear death. yet very often i seek it. nvr sparin a tot for others. im not kind. nvr understandin. in fact. a very demandin n difficult person. awfully blur too. somewhat outgoing. yet shy. know when im accepted n when im not. bascially. i haf dis hell of a temper. whch acts lyk. whoa. u dont wanna know. im also very emotional. tends to be over sensitive. dont lyk speakin up. expressin myself is a chore. i haf ma own opinions. and stick to them very closely. let alone ma principals. easily influenced n manipulated tho. i h8 liars. h8 pple who pretend to be close wid me in front of others. h8 pple whose feelins are vague. h8 hypocrites. backstabbers. h8 pple who act as tho they know me when they dont. h8 bossy pple. stuck up in e face. so im honest. or rather i try to be as straightforward as can be. i h8 beatin ard e bush n not speakin e truth. i wanna know discriminations bout me. tho sum tyms i wont be able to accept 'em. but i'd rather this than pple bitchin behind ma back. patience isnt ma strong point. tend to act on impulse. which would regret painfully later. particular bout myself. i love ma frenz dearly. treasure em to e core. h8 to see them upset. would try ma bez to cheer em up. often failed at succeedin. im no clown. would die for em. a pessmistic. love e beach. love drinkin. love bein unclear. apparently. to me. reality suck. wanna live in fantasy. wanna be oblivious to e truth n facts. enjoy crappiness. love being happy. motto: to be happy no matter wad happens. was in depression during april. experienced 2 deaths. 2 weeks. 2 loved ones. i miss them lots. but lyfe still goes on---------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------------------- what is death but a passin of an acute pain, to an eternity of peace, a lane where no one cares what caste you come from or of what sex you are. no, death is not painful but life, life is. perhaps many of you people here think im bein negative again. think of it this way. death is painful. life too is painful. there is no escapin. at least im takin it in stride ya. a fren told me i wasnt bein positive nuff. he said 'bein positive is to think of both life and death as nyce'. how is this possible? he added, 'none of it is painful. it is just a release of pain'. is it? i often wonder so. maybe its a matter of how we look at it. optimistic is e word. to olwaz look forward to e future. if there is one day u dont feel lyk it, rmb there is olwaz tml. is this e ryte way to live? dreams of death passes thru ma lifeless body. as olwaz, im bein asked 'not to think too much'. its frustratin how these thoughts can get into ma mind without any effort at all. i wanna be free. to fly in e air. throwin away all troubles held close to ma heart. tired of pretendin. im not strong. physically, emotionally and mentally. im only human. i live. i fall. i die. ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------Im livin’ death.sumtimez life really sux and tat.makes u so lost.e things u least expect happens.wat can u do?wat can u say?e outcome brings u total shock n horror.im livin death'sumtimez when life gets so tough.u wanna give up.trials after trials.u simply lost it all.peace is gone.frustration opened its door.trauma daunting.loss of courage.firmness thru fear.overwhelming and disabling terror.a sinking feelin'how ever to overcome?how ever to conquer.e darkness inside is so strong there's no way anyone can subdue it.e fear held inside never did lessen or went away.it stayed strong to intimidate.to dishearten.its presences discourages.temptation growing.evil'in times of need.in times of helplessness.in times of weakness.in times of confusion.in times of sadness.in times of joy.and in times of laughter.wat's most impt.is someone being there.nth else matters.juz someone being thr.to wipe yur tears n comfort u.to solve yur problems and clear e air.to share yur joy with willingness.to hug u so strongly with open hands' ------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------------Used to be a naive gurl. Thinking lyfe is oh-so-perfect. But I was wrong. Friends do backstab each other. They neither care nor love each other. They leave when you are in the lurch. They do not bring smiles to your face. They bring nothing but sorrow and tears. I ever so wanted to help them solve their unhappiness. Comfort them. Be there for their every need. Forget bout ma own problems and concentrate on theirs. What is mine compared to theirs? When I see happiness on their faces. I know everything I have done is worth while. This is how happiness is achieved. This is how a friend should be. Tell them when things are not right. Tell them when problems arise. But I was wrong. Wrong. Wrong. And wrong. Listen to ma raves and rants. Loves and hates. Happiness and sorrow. You are the only one I can count on. Be there when I need you. Not blab to others what I said. Pity u can never reply and tell me everything is gonna be ok. But thank you. U listen. And that is already enough.