My life is a love song lyric that one day I'll sing to another
Uh-Oh. Current mood: crazy Category: Life
A good friend from work lives all the way out in Greenville. The drive from Irving (our office location) to Greenville is about 70miles. Wow. Well, yesterday I jumped in the car with her and headed out to that fair city of Greenville.No, you free love people thinkers (and you know who you are) - not to advance our relationship, rather to buy a motorcycle.Yes my fair readers, I located a motorcycle on craigslist for not much money that looked like something I wanted. Brand new? Nah. It's got some miles on it for a bike. The seat is a bit torn. The tank has a couple of chips. The exhaust leaks on the left a bit and it really needs some general attention. But it's 27yrs old. I call it 'experienced'.Now most people might think I'm crazy on a couple of levels. One I suppose in that I bought a motorcycle in the first place. Those things are dangerous. Can get you in trouble. Can kill you. You really open yoruself up - blah blah blah. 'Tis true I suppose.On another level is the idea of buying something basically sight unseen. Literally going by an online ad posted via the internet. The ad said 'immaculate' but I took that with a grain of salt for I could see that the seat looked different than it did in 1980. That's ok because I understood where the lady selling it was coming from. She was trying to present the bike the best way she could and fudged just a hair maybe on the description. That's ok. It's the way I roll, just as long as overall it's a good bike, you know?Once I straddled it though, it felt right. I hit the start button and with no hesitation it started and purred. I knew then that it would be ok. It just felt right. Granted, after I get to really know it, I may have to work on things here and there. It may turn out that it was not the best choice for me afterall. But you know what?Where others look for what's wrong with it, I see it for what it was, it is, and will be. It will be for me. So I will invest time in it. If it's capable of having feelings, well, I will try my best to make it happy. Or, we may part ways. We may not. But to me, that is a beautiful bike I look forward to spending time with.Funny how guys relate a car or motorcycle to a girl. Hmmmmm. What should I name it? Any ideas? I went climbing today Current mood: thankful Category: Life
We celebrated my 14yr old's birthday today over at the Summit Climbing place in Grapevine. It was great. I'll probably pay for my climbing adventures with sore muscles the next few days but worth it. Hahahaha.Have I mentioned that I love my family? All of them. If you don't have family, then surely you are lost.I'll post some pictures off my phone so you can see our big adventrue today.G Man, I was a bit embarrassed last night.... Current mood: embarrassed Category: Life
Braving heavy rain and potential 'deadly' winds, I met someone new for dinner last night. Yes, just dinner. c'mon. Someone from that plentyoffish site. One of the few 1:1 dates I've had in a while actually. Anyway, we chatted about an hour over a shared UpNSmoke sampler platter about various topics ranging from kids to people quirks. When it was time to go, rain was still falling. My vehicle was right by the door so we decided to sit there and continue our chat waiting out the rain a bit more.Here's the embarrassing part - I had homework papers, business papers, a piece of cheese and a can of nuts in the front seat. In the back, homework papers from the other son, gym clothes, a dr. pepper and 3 framed pictures.A hard stop on the way home proved messy as many things shifted from the seat to the floorboard. The lid on the nuts? Not on all the way. So this rather prim and proper lady who vaccums her vehicle every other day, raised her eyebrows. Funny. Oh well. Between Matt, Clint and myself we can be a bit messy. Not pigs, but if you were to go into the master bath this morning, you would see towels in a pile by the sink and jeans in another by the other sink, lights grouped in one place while darks in another. Yes, laundry that didn't get completed over the weekend. Messy. I hesitate to put that on my profile, you know?It leads to a question for you. How much should you disclose vs letting a new friend discover on their own? Hahaha. Is it just a guy thing or would you admit to it too? What I did this last weekend of April '07 Current mood: satisfied Category: Friends I was married my entire adult life. No kidding. Before I could legally drink. Hard for me to believe that this July I will have been pretty much on my own for 3yrs (legally last year). Why do I tell you this now? Because it's important to set a quick backgrounder for the weekender. Hahahaha. So I found myself woefully low on friends after the split. Oh I have work friends but that's different, you know? My best friend (hey Tim) lives in New Mexico and I just don't get to see him much. So what to do?Well, online has been good for me to meet really great people. Friends. (Hey you. Yes, you. You are my friend, yes? :) You know who you are). Anyway, I don't know how to meet people for the first time in person. I, uhhmmmm, errrrrr, uhhhhhhh - don't know how to pick up girls. Yikes, I said it didn't I? Don't get me wrong. I'm not shy or bashful. Did I mention I was married all my adult life? I don't know how to do it. Not really. But online allows me to establish some rapport first. Then watch out cuz game is on. Hahahah yet again. So I just decided to start my own mixer and in a way, force myself to meet people for the first time. So all of this verbiage you've read so far leads me to what I did this weekend:Friday night was the 3rd GoAndKnow singles mixer. I think we had around 20 people and it seemed like everyone enjoyed the various conversations going on. Afterward most of us headed over to Wilhoites to listen to the band (they were ok but I've heard some really good ones before) and dance. I ended up getting out of there around 11:30 but expected to leave earlier. Why? Well, to go sew. Yes, it may not be a manly thing to admit that you know how to sew, but hell - I do. You see, my dad owned an upholstery shop. And he was GOOD. Nationally recognized by others in the trade. And I was raised doing upholstery work, from couches to pickup truck seats. Clothes are a bit different but I'm smart. Can figure it out. So from Midnight to about 3am I was working on a 'warrior' outfit. I slept a couple of hours and got up to finish it for I had to leave the house by 8:30am.New friends I met via GoAndKnow invited me to Scarboro Fair. Never been before and it was cool. Yep. Elliott, who is kinda into it every year with his $1k+ kilt and boots and blah blah blah also had a really cool and authentic sword for me to strap on and look the part. So with all due respect to Arnold and his effort put into his body building, I was adorned in the same genre as Conan the Barbarian. Hahahaha. It was cool I think I mentioned earlier. We got out there around 10:30 and I didn't get home until around 9. I was BEAT. Slept very deep. Got up, had breakfast. Started laundry, the dishwasher and went to Walmart to get the oil changed. Hmmm. Oh, went to the gym and then to the Mall so my son, brand new 14yr old thank you very much, could pick out his desired birthday present. We stopped at steak-n-shake for a dinner and conversation about Medival times that turned into a discussion about Ancient Egypt courtesy of my 8yr old son who knew more about that time period than his brother and I did. I have cool and smart and handsome kids by the way.And now here I am telling you my story. I should be in there working on an extremely important document that is due on 5/4 with a draft review in the morning. Ugh. Me no wanna do but I must do what I must. Let's just say it will be a late morning and perhaps a sleepless night. Once I hit post on this thing, off to work I go. Scott from GoAndKnow took a few snapshots from Friday night so I cropped them to show just me. Promise, I'm not that narcissistic (is that how you spell that?), just it's like when you hear your own voice and don't think it sounds good, I don't think my pictures are that great so I take what I can get. Hahahaha yet again. Yes, I'm smiling. Oh, waiting on pictures from Scarboro and will try to post those. Elliott went to Houston this morning to spend some time with his kids. When he gets back I'm sure he'll send them to me.Goodnight and wish me luck on my doc.GP.S. The only thing wrong with the mixer model? How do you think I invite those people? Online. Damnit. Me feeling comfortable walking up and talking to a stranger that's a girl, well, it may just not be in the cards for me. Mike, a friend both at and outside of work, somehow has the girls approaching him. How does he do that? At the grocery store. At the park. Geez. Is this goofy or what? Current mood: curious Category: FriendsI have never been to the Scarboro Fair and was asked to go on a double date this Saturday. The plan is to head out in time to get there at 10am and hang out all day. Ok. No worries. So here's the thing, we are dressing the period. Do you know what a codpiece is? Hmmm. I don't know if I will look authentic or not, but I'll try. Stopped by a pawn shop and actually bought a sword. Every guy needs a really big knife, yes? So I'm looking forward to it. After I scope it out, I may take my boys sometime in May. Perhaps we'll get some pictures made.Goofy? Conditions and questions - a hypothetical poem Current mood: curious Category: Writing and Poetry If I shared with you my treasures and my many hopes and fears - Would you give me strength and courage, faith and friendship for many years?If I told you I was made of layers, perhaps as a rainbow reflecting the colors of my heart - Would you wrap them up so they would not be so quick to break apart?If you were to evaluate what person I am, my quirks, my smile, my clothes, my love, my times of contemplation - Would you take me as a whole, or change that evaluation to something less based on a fraction creating perception?If you were to be holding a feeling of joy, one that's actually a bit hard to supress - Would you ask for me to share it, even better to let me know it's I that's generating your happiness?If I were to go away one day, no longer there to speak, to listen, to touch, to sing for you - Would I be but a name that fades in short time, or would memories cross your mind years later thinking of [insert your own string of words to complete the rhyme, it's but a question silly one]? My father... Current mood: sad Category: Writing and Poetry My dad didn't talk a lot when I was growing up. Not really. He would be at work at 6 and shut down at 6. I was raised in that upholstery shop and I can't imagine a better way to be brought up. He was also a Ford mechanic from earlier in his life before he opened his own business. Although forced to drop from school when he was about 11yrs old to help with the farm, he taught himself to read and function. The man was indeed intelligent. Not in academic studies accumulated over years of school or study. Rather, in common sense I suppose. He just had a way of understanding how things work. He could fix or build almost anything from electronics to a doghouse. In no way can I ever capture in words to you, my reader, just how he was. And although not a giant, he was strong. I didn't really realize it until I was grown and off to school that he could lift an entire couch by himself to put on a table to begin the upholstery process. I suppose I just grew up around it. But I will also tell you this, as early as 9 or 10yrs old, I too could amaze people because I would re-arrange my heavy bedroom furniture and they couldn't figure out how I could do it. Same with items that would seem unbelievable to move from one place to another by yourself, I could do it. I can close my eyes and remember the look on some people's faces when they would leave for a few minutes to come back and see that I've loaded or unloaded something. I give the nod to my dad. He figured out leverage. No math, no physics, not anything like that - he just knew how to lift. Sometimes when I hear about Eastern training around chi and using force that's in every human to do what appears to be incredible feats of power, I think of my dad and if he tapped into that. I can not explain it yet I learned, inherited, something - a lot of that, by being around him. I once saw him take a silver dollar. Now this was a long time ago when a silver dollar was basically a dollar. He took 2 pair of pliers and gripped the coin on each side. I should describe the pliers to make it known the magic was not in the tools, rather my father. The pliers were but small normal sized ones used only to provide a better grip on the coin. The magic? With but his hands and arms and wrists in front of him, he bent that coin. Now you may say that's not such a unique feat, but I challenge you to find someone that can do that. Unbelievable. He had a countenance that would frighten my friends. He was the dad you showed respect to. Never would he strike at someone, but by God one also respected the man. I think it was something he projected. An aura.I was climbing on a shelf in his shop one day to get something at the very top. And what seemed like slow motion, I knocked off a very large file off the shelf above my head. It was called a rat tailed file because one end has a very pointed and thin spike on it. It was heading for my foot yet I couldn't let loose of the shelf or I would fall. Again, slow motion or something I knew it would impale my foot for it was heavy. I will always remember this - my dad caught that thing. How? I don't know. I didn't even know he was watching. His reflex and action was so fast that he caught that thing! I was probably 14 or 15. I know you, my reader, will never understand what I speak of most likely, but that man went way up on my amazing meter that day. I don't know if I've shared that feeling with anyone - even my family. Maybe Tiff. On some Saturdays, he would make me help him work on the van. We always had pretty cool vans (it was the 70's and 80's) and the Dodge brands seemed as though the U joints were going out all the time. A design flaw put a lot of stress on them. Well, I helped put new ones in ever so often. Change the oil. Change the plugs. Tune the carb. Work on electrical. Blah blah blah. As a kid, it wasn't the best way to spend a Saturday when my friends were playing tag or watching cartoons or playing baseball on a team somewhere. But again, I would not trade those experiences for anything. I have so many little stories of my dad like that, I could write on and on. I but wanted to give you but a peek of little moments that shaped my life.I lost my dad in a slow and painful way about 8 years ago. To this day, like today, I feel like I could pick up the phone and call him. Ask him for advice. Give me that little something for strength. I miss him with all my heart. When I am in the little town he's buried at, I take my boys by his grave marker. Nothing fancy, but special. Countless people walk by not knowing who that man was. But not my boys. We stop by the store many times and they pick out Hot Wheel cars they like. And they place those cars on his headstone and I tell them a short story about him. Not unlike one that I shared with you my reader. So that my memories of him may survive a bit longer even after I am gone. He was not famous or rich or accomplished as verified by certificates and titles and awards. No. But he was special in ways that count. Beyond common certainly. Magic. And I love him. And I miss him. He was my father. I wish I would have told him those things more often than I did.I love you dad. I wish you could help me right now. I need your advice.Greg Women are wonderful Category: FriendsI think every woman is special.I lavish compliments on you, my praise based on what makes you unique.Nothing is too insignificant to mention; I may admire the way you eat a peach or fidget with your hands when you are nervous.I also like intelligence and believe that a witty woman seduces through the charms of her mind.I love listening to women talk. I'm proud of my masculinity, and would be shocked by anyone who thought it was unmanly to listen to women talk.In my view, good conversation is the best foreplay-the first step in a seduction-and I like both of us to take pleasure in it.I will treasure and respect you as a I would any friend. Being friends with you is just as important to me as being lovers, should it evolve into that.Women are like books: You need to read more than the title in order to enjoy them. It may sound obvious, but treating a potential date with the same attention and respect I'd give to any friend will go a long way.I think that happiness is the worlds greatest aphrodisiac. I know that pursuing pleasure and love is not a distraction from personal fulfillment, but a worthy end in itself, and I laugh at our stressed-out, over-achieving culture.To be loved by me is to be well-fed and sensually satiated. With all this said, I speak of loving my friends - be it as an aquantience that somehow makes me laugh with what she says or on a much deeper level and certainly all in between. I am a lover of my friends. Each one unique. Each one special for what it is we share. So reader of mine, don't be so quick to think that all my friends are something more than what they are, for you are likely to be incorrect. My list of people I've 'gone all the way with' is a short one. Yet it certainly seems to be a question on everyone's mind ;) Correction. A conclusion drawn often may be a better way of stating it.
Silence Category: Friends'Tis true. Sometimes more is said in silence.
Rejection, rejected, reject.. Current mood: thoughtful Category: Romance and RelationshipsRejection is a curious thing. It makes your mind race with various thoughts from 'what did I do' to 'not worth it anyway'. Ha. I suppose one could look at another who was rejected and think he or she is insecure. In some cases that is true, yet, it's not that way most of the time.It's actually something that brings a smile to my face. It's life. I see it happening to me and I see and hear it happening to others. When it does, we then launch into a comedy of errors trying to win back the acceptance. These things only add to the distancing maybe. Sometimes they are so extreme, they actually work and endear the other to you.Think of a time you interviewed for a job postion and didn't get it. Or a time when a friend backed out on a date with you by prioritizing something or someone else over you. Then you have the one you are interested in fade away.It still kinda makes you feel, mmmm, blah. Right? Oh, you get over it. And all is good but all the while, you sometimes find yourself shifting back to 'what did I do'?I suppose I just want anyone reading to know that most of the time, closure should be given. Yes, some people are hard headed and won't go away ;), others leave before you can even explain. Who I speak of are those that are normal for the most part, inbetween the extremes. When you reject, do so in a way you would yourself respect if happening to you for that time is coming too, yes?Once rejected (to a point within reason certainly), move on. It was not meant to be. There is someone out there that will embrace what you have to offer. And at a depth that changes both of you for a lifetime. Life is serious, but not that serious. Now smile.And don't read so much into my words above and jump to some conclusion that I am the provider or recipient of crushed or whatever adjective you care to stick in here. 'tis but an idea and suggestion to make the world a better place. :). I can run deep but this is more adhoc thoughts to share on a whim, in a causal conversation.
Chains Current mood: quixotic Category: Writing and PoetryYes my lady-Here I walk through my madness. The bleak limbo of nothingness. A prisoner of my own chains.The only way I can break these chains. Is through the caring of your somethingness. Chained to the pendulum of your lovingness.And if I must be tied in chains. Then which ones will I choose? Chains of my own, or those put there by you?
Moving on... A poem Current mood: okay Category: Writing and PoetryKiss me goodbye, Hold back your tears. Wish me well, Don't voice your fears. This is it - You are on your way. Today is gone. Tomorrow's a new day. I can't stay here to wait, As my time is wearing thin. I know it's coming, I'm not sure when. I'm running to meet it, My arms open wide. This is life, it's for living, I'm not going to hide. So wish me good luck, Please try to see, I don't like or even love you less, I just want you and I to be free.The words are meaningful yet I caution you to be free for the right reasons. To run in the name of freedom is dangerous in the long run. To engage in things as drink, drugs or even social debauchery as simply a means to escape is inadvisable. Having said that, social debauchery when you are centered and know what doing, well.....:) Ha. Be good my reader friend. Today is a great day.G
I see the wonder. Current mood: gratefulThe lights dim after we talk many minutes about the sense of vertigo or space or something that trips your head. It feels like that feeling when you are on the edge of a very tall building or cliff looking over. Then the movie short begins. The scale is tremendous as we become part of the landscape of Dallas, our brains tricked by the video projected against the huge domed screen that covers most of the ceiling at the Dallas IMAX theater. The one at the Science Place Museum.I looked over at Matt who's head and eyes were moving slightly - like the results of completing a spin on one of those park merri-go-rounds at the fastest speed your brother or friend or father can spin you. It made me smile. Clint had a big grin on his face, mentioning how cool it would be to have a video game feel this way. The wonder in their eyes, their face, their body makes everything ok. At that moment, all the other things that tug at me - bills, work, laundry, relationships of all types just kind of got suspended.We went to see the Body Works collection last night. I highly recommend it - literally human volunteers, dead ones, had their skin removed and muscles, nerves, organs and other parts of their bodies cut and shaped to expose themselves. Yes, even a few penises are left to show everyone how body parts are connected. It is indeed a strip club to say the least. Ha, maybe they should use that line in their marketing. Really, it is a fantastic thing to show your kids and for yourself. After the tour (which you must see rather than read about) we watched the featured IMAX presentation about the human body.The storyline was a couple who was expecting a baby. Yes it takes you through how the body works by focusing on the various characters in the short film. At the end, the woman gives birth and maybe it just caught me right. My boys there, the amazing way the body even exists, and to see the emotional response to a newborn baby was moving.Memories flooded me as I recalled those feelings when my children were born. Words will never quite capture that feeling, you know? That my lady, is at my core. If you are a mother, I can not begin to articulate how wonderful, powerful and special you are to the human race. Thank you.Perhaps a man should not reveal such things to his friends and/or strangers. Yet, I am who I am.Greggory
The frozen rain... Current mood: tired Category: Writing and PoetryI hear it tapping on my window. Yes it's cold. Relentless. And conjures up thoughts of treacherous conditions.But wait. It also represents something vital. It is the subtance of life. The appearance is different than you may be used to. The state altered.Yet, it is what it is. The very thing you must have or wither and die.It's an analogy of how I see some people. Sometimes cold. Sometimes harsh. Sometimes generating wary thoughts. Even when they don't see themselves as such. To them, they give what they are made of, not always as the preferred presentation for the receiver.'Tis ok, for I realize that no matter the state, She is still my friend and contributes to many who depend on her for life. Unfortunate are the ones who only see and complain of the coldness.So let it rain. Frozen, cold or warm. I'll take it my friend. It is important to me.
of gods and man.... Current mood: indescribableMan needs something to focus on, to worship, to make him whole. Some choose God, some choose gods, some choose power, some choose money while some attempt to combine some or all mentioned. There are countless stories of those who choose money or power, stories which make those worshipers as evil doers, no soul, bad. Perhaps a few but what about the opposite tales? The jobs created, the charity done, the very funding and infrastructure needed to make society work. In a strange way I admire them from afar, realizing from my perspective what they have given up to worship. Also odd, is how others begin to worship not the money or power directly, rather the worshiper himself, by proxy. This is an interesting observation too in that now the one in the middle begins to have followers and begins to take on feelings and responsibilities of becoming a demi-god himorherself. Perhaps one can bring himself to a god like status? Speaking of gods. Man is enamored with gods for they represent something more than he is. And man seeks friendship, companionship, perhaps intimacy with gods for he wants to elevate his own being to such a status. Maybe not that he too wants to be a god. The words are almost there but I can not articulate them at this time. Maybe it is like the average person who wants to be accepted into a group of what he thinks is special. That somehow by association, to be recognized by a god makes him special. That a god with power to bring men to their knees would accept him for who he is, indeed makes him special. The allure that this recognition presents outweighs much. He is stricken with a blindness that only can lead to pain at some time. For the delta is too great between a man and a god. Yes, there are times when a god knows this and pushes the mortal away in attempt to save him. Yes, gods have emotions they run through too. Yet, the gods choose to protect themselves first in reality. The distancing I speak of really is to satisfy their own entity. The ultimate sacrifice for a god is when that god elects to truly give up god-ship. A mortal can try to live as a god, but is not in the end. If a god chooses to fall, to become on the same level of man, the followers begin to fade away. If anything scares a god, it is losing this very thing. And the risk is great. The very man this sacrifice would be made for would lose his god, yes? Then what? A fallen god would live in fear man would at some point, search for a new god to focus on. Oh what a quandary. So to find a god to give up god-ship rarely happens. The man who thinks he can live in the same realm as a god has erred. The delta is just too great. And then there is God. Religion is man made. God is not. Be careful not to lose sight of what the two are. It is good to have a band of men with similar beliefs who will support you as needed but remember, be it one or a band, ideas can be counter to what God intended or intends. I think it best to remember that there is good and evil. You know in your heart when your deeds fall into one or the other. Many associate God with the good and Satan as evil. I disagree to a degree. For that puts Satan on the same level as God. I think God is higher, and overseer. The builder of the infrastructure that ultimate provides a man's soul a place to reside once it leaves a mortal body. Religion gives us guidelines, a playbook so to speak to help our hearts decide what deeds fall to evil or not. For one to live by religion can end up in Hell as sure as one that doesn't embrace a particular religion. The important thing to save your very soul is to acknowledge God and be right in your heart of good and evil. I choose to respect those with money and power realizing that balance is key and I ultimately depend on any that have more than I as those that have less depend on me. I choose to tread carefully with gods for I recognize not only the romance of receiving attention and some feelings from them, that I am but one of potentially countless followers that can be replaced at some point. Smart enough to understand that few if any will command the attributes needed for a god to give up god-ship. Still, it is nice to know you once rubbed elbows with a god. Like meeting Bill Gates ;). I choose to respect my belief in God. For someone to tell me I am bound for Hell because I did not follow a rule born of man and not God himself, is absurd. Yes, give me guidance but do not judge my life or my soul for what you see in your eyes my fellow man.
The color of sound... Current mood: crazySometimes when the room is quiet and it is deep into the night, an odd thing can occur. A sound fires off. It could be loud or soft but I see it more than hear it. It is the strangest thing sometimes. Color. Like strobe lights of different colors based on the pitch of the sound. Scary yet beautiful at the same time. If it is loud enough, the light is so bright it is blinding and will bring me out of a sound sleep surely each time it happens. Further proof that my brain is wired a bit different than norm I suppose. I'll take it. I am who I am. Have you ever really seen fear in another's eyes? Current mood: thoughtful Category: LifeI have. I was holding his hand as he took his last breath. Made more powerful for I never saw him really show fear before my entire life - a strong, quiet man. I lost my dad 8yrs ago yet still feel as though I could pick up the phone and call him for advice. But I can't. I do have my memories which I try to pass on to my children when I can. Last night he was in my dreams. Telling me something. Warning? Suggestion? I don't know, for now that I'm awake, the dream has faded.
Love Storm Current mood: tired Category: Writing and PoetryI met her on a cloudy day ~ The sky cleared up as she stepped my way ~ The stormclouds did their disappearing scene ~ The rainwaters washed the sidewalks clean ~ But you know me too good to last ~ I stepped in mud and she walked on past ~ The lightning struck and lit the sky ~ Poor muddy me She walked on by ~
