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Daniel

Hat found on moon

About Me

I am invisible, which means I can do what the devil I like. This involves bank robbery and belting people around the head. Some might say I'm underutilising my unique gifts (invisible people in cartoons and films ARE NOT REAL so they DO NOT COUNT), but I say fie to them, then belt them around the head when they're looking.I always get away with it.I also torture cats, as the Egyptians were wrong. They're about as sacred as one of my toenails.UPDATE: I currently spend most of my time dressing up as a goat and just hanging around fields. I have lost the power of invisibility, but can now digest grass. I don't even look like a man-goat hybrid that everyone stares at and thinks is weird. I'm that good at dressing up. Everyone just thinks I'm a normal goat. One day I'll surprise them, but right now I'm quite happy to just kind of stand there, chewing.

My Interests

When I was smaller, I dreamt of having a farm populated with a variety of farm animals. One day my dream came true, and I had all the animals I could cope with. In fact I had too many and, slowly but surely, they started to starve and turn to farmyard cannibalism in order to survive. Eventually I was left with a single sheep with a wicked fancy for human flesh. It was me or him, so I beat him to death with the sharp end of my shoe. Now I shy away from interests, as they only lead to trouble.This is good, pay attention to this: Cockface

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I'd like to meet:

A chip monster. Rik Waller doesn't count, as he's not made of chips.A kitten that never grows and just sits on my shoulder looking cute and keeping my shoulder warm.Twinkle Banana.Dhoumitaris Flankibaris.Some form of cake that can tell stories.I do not think I will get to meet any of these people or things.
Your 1920's Name is:
Artie Ford What's Your 1920's Name?

Music:

I can think of nothing amusing to put in this section.

Movies:

Anything with 'Labyrinth' as part of its title. Zombie horror. Care Bears the Movie. Bugsy Malone.Secret Cupboard Boy

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Television:

One day my television showed me rude pictures. Since then I haven't watched it.

Books:

I am a great fan of books, particularly funny ones. I'm in the middle of writing one too, so hopefully one day I will be able to like my own book. I will make sure the cover is dead pretty.

Heroes:

Captain America, for he held his mighty shield. This man, because I really want his hair. The Boy Who Would Be King.

My Blog

Stop copying me...

...all you diabetic kids. Just because I'm diabetic doesn't mean you can go around jumping on my bandwagon. I did it first, it's my disease. Go and find your own. Flattered as I am that I've become su...
Posted by Daniel on Fri, 16 Mar 2007 09:44:00 PST

Today...

...I think I shall cover myself in butter. Or perhaps even jam. I'm really rather undecided on this point at the moment. There's quite a lot of garlic butter knocking around at the moment, but I'm wor...
Posted by Daniel on Sun, 04 Mar 2007 05:53:00 PST

Harold.

I woke up this morning with a new friend, Harold. Harold is a small spider that has taken up residence in the top-left hand corner or my less than spacious room. I'm normally rather afraid of spiders,...
Posted by Daniel on Sun, 18 Feb 2007 06:00:00 PST

Recent developments...

...Have led me to post this long and rambling warning. I'm afraid it concerns my brother and how you shouldn't let him near animals. He cannot be trusted. You are well acquainted with his love for ze ...
Posted by Daniel on Wed, 15 Nov 2006 04:02:00 PST

Tales Pt. 3...

My search for the one-eared man proved surprisingly pointless as I soon remembered that the ample lady of the night had told me a no-eared man had thieved my precious possessions. I cursed and began m...
Posted by Daniel on Tue, 12 Sep 2006 08:31:00 PST

.............

The average human spends about 30 days during their life in Rubbing A Kitten.
Posted by Daniel on Wed, 06 Sep 2006 01:26:00 PST

Tales Pt. 2...

The air was warm and muggy and thickly overlaid with some sort of scent. A lady stood behind a counter chewing gum and watching a small television. She glanced up and took in my dishevelled appearance...
Posted by Daniel on Mon, 04 Sep 2006 07:14:00 PST

Tales..

I woke up cold and naked outside the supermarket, again. It was 4am, and not a soul was in sight. I wondered how I had got here, and who had removed my clothes. They'd taken my golden Stan Smiths...
Posted by Daniel on Sun, 06 Aug 2006 01:10:00 PST

A sad yet true story...

...About Monty, the brave and true hamster who I have known these many years. It turns out he has finally perished in a bizarre and frankly improbable set of circumstances involving a blowtorch, ...
Posted by Daniel on Thu, 27 Apr 2006 05:17:00 PST

Several Special Sausages

Today I went to the shop to purchase some sundries that had been playing on my mind for some time. When I arrived I was greeted by a troupe of dancing sausages, seven in total, who told me they knew t...
Posted by Daniel on Sat, 25 Feb 2006 04:22:00 PST